Babysitting
A good job while it lasted8 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh dear, this didn't go well! I thought those babies were meant to sleep all night! Sleeping on the job will not do, I wish you luck with the contest, this was a fun post, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
  |
Oh dear, this didn't go well! I thought those babies were meant to sleep all night! Sleeping on the job will not do, I wish you luck with the contest, this was a fun post, love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thanks Dolly.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Amazing that all that appeared to happen was the 'no invite' to babysit anymore (lol!) -- thanx for sharing! :) ;) Great job & best of luck to you at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
Amazing that all that appeared to happen was the 'no invite' to babysit anymore (lol!) -- thanx for sharing! :) ;) Great job & best of luck to you at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Many thanks Yvette.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements as you deliver a complete story with the proper theme and beginning / end word in exactly 20 words. You'd have been okay if the baby had been asleep too LOL. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
This meets the contest requirements as you deliver a complete story with the proper theme and beginning / end word in exactly 20 words. You'd have been okay if the baby had been asleep too LOL. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thanks so much for your great review
Comment from Gail Denham
Oh yes - babysitting - when I began doing that, the pay was 35c an hour. what a bargain. Times have changed. Then for our boys, I had babysitters who sat and watched TV while our boys ran amok. Now you almost need a license.
Your story brings back memories.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
Oh yes - babysitting - when I began doing that, the pay was 35c an hour. what a bargain. Times have changed. Then for our boys, I had babysitters who sat and watched TV while our boys ran amok. Now you almost need a license.
Your story brings back memories.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thanks so much Gail for the review.
Comment from Susan X Smith
This funny poem - story reminds me of my much earlier years when I would put the kids to sleep and raid the pantry before I settled down to some TV watching. Good entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
This funny poem - story reminds me of my much earlier years when I would put the kids to sleep and raid the pantry before I settled down to some TV watching. Good entry for the contest.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Many thanks
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your contest entry, Mystery Author. Good job with the prompt. I believe your scenario has happened many times to many sitters. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
I enjoyed your contest entry, Mystery Author. Good job with the prompt. I believe your scenario has happened many times to many sitters. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much Jan for the great review.
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is a fun piece that I'm sure many will relate to {smiles}. However, I think it needs some additional work.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Babysitting was great, just watching T.V. while baby slept until one night the parents returned. -- Formatting this as one sentence implies you've been babysitting and watching TV for a non-stop period spanning many days. The "until one night" is the source of the ambiguity. BTW, it also implies that the norm is for parents not to return.
If this was mine, I'd split it into separate sentences, something like:
Babysitting was great. I'd watch TV while baby slept. Then one night the parents surprised me. (And I realize this adds 1 to your word count).
Never again was I asked to do babysitting. -- This is rather a archaic wording. I'd change it to something like:
They didn't ask me to babysit again.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
This is a fun piece that I'm sure many will relate to {smiles}. However, I think it needs some additional work.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Babysitting was great, just watching T.V. while baby slept until one night the parents returned. -- Formatting this as one sentence implies you've been babysitting and watching TV for a non-stop period spanning many days. The "until one night" is the source of the ambiguity. BTW, it also implies that the norm is for parents not to return.
If this was mine, I'd split it into separate sentences, something like:
Babysitting was great. I'd watch TV while baby slept. Then one night the parents surprised me. (And I realize this adds 1 to your word count).
Never again was I asked to do babysitting. -- This is rather a archaic wording. I'd change it to something like:
They didn't ask me to babysit again.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thank you so much for the review Alex. I really appreciate your help. I have changed it slightly but bear in mind it has to be 29 words and end in babysitting.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent! This tells the fun, truth reveals, babysitting was a good job but there was a twist; climax resolved once; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
|
Excellent! This tells the fun, truth reveals, babysitting was a good job but there was a twist; climax resolved once; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
-
Thanks a lot.
