Reviews from

Serene, Beside You

Loop Poem a/b/c/b/ rhyme

23 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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A beautifully done loop poem, LisaMay! You loop all through even between stanzas and the meaning is smooth and flowing. It's like a lullaby for lovers! I think this is winner!

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    What a nicely optimistic review! I was really pleased with this one, overcoming the sometimes clunky feel of the repetition that I dislike in the form. Fingers crossed. "A lullaby for lovers" is a lovely way to describe it.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Excellent
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully as you deliver a structurally sound Loop Poem. I don't care for this style much as it usually comes across as hokey, but you have elevated it with wonderfully vivid imagery and gracefully flowing meter. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Thanks for your review. I hesitated about entering this contest because, like you, I have found the form to come across in an awkward manner. So I worked hard to smooth it out as much as possible to make it flow instead of being jerky.
reply by Mystic Angel 7777 on 19-Sep-2019
    You did a good job with it - you just never know how picky the committee is going to be or what their particular favorite flavor of the month might be LOL. Good luck.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Aaah... the secret committee. Does anyone ever know who they are, wielding the power behind the scene?
reply by Mystic Angel 7777 on 19-Sep-2019
    TIs a mystery that mere mortals are not capable of solving - nor worthy LOL.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    We grovel in the dust at their feet.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
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This is a happy dreamlike loop about a couple in love and caring for each other, that comfort in warm and tender, I wish you luck with the contest Lisa, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Thanks, Dolly!
Comment from Gail Denham
Excellent
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A nice poem of love - had one question - was the moon still beaming after nighttime past. I guess it does do that sometimes. Or perhaps you meant it was now hidden behind clouds.
Oh well, that's nit-picky - good poem

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Thanks for your review. About the moon: as I was writing the poem I was thinking about how the moon stays visible in the early morning for a while; the 'dark clouds' mention was a suggestion that any troubles would not entirely obscure the happy aspect of knowing the moon would still be beaming on their dreams.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Excellent
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So beautiful! Can i have a man like that please? i love that this is so tender and intimate! This one is also amazing as all your work, my dear!! xoxoxo

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Isn't it a pity we have to invent these men in our poems! I'd like one like that too, please... they pop up in your poems too.
    Thanks for your review. xx
Comment from tfawcus
Excellent
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I'm not generally a great fan of loop poems, but you've blended the repeating words seamlessly into this one and produced a wonderfully calming effect. I can almost hear you purring! LOL

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    The consensus seems to be that loop poems are often contrived, with the repeats intruding on the poem, so I aimed to smooth them out in mine - your comments seem to confirm my poem works ok. Thanks for your review. (That's not me purring - it's a lucky girl with a feller.)
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent
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Great expression of genuine love and security in this poem. Thanks for sharing your creativity in this writing. Have a great day and keep dreaming!
Bill

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Thanks for your lovely review, Bill.
Comment from Susan X Smith
Excellent
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This is a delightful romantic poem which is true to the Loop format. The scene is set here for a lovers' tryst. The rhyme scheme works well. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Not too loopy for you? Thanks for your review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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So that's a "loop" poem. Interesting. Probably not easy to do, but you've done a terrific job in reusing the repeating words. It's a sweet thought too, one that everyone can relate to. :)

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Nice review, thanks Phyllis. I concentrated on trying to get the repeated words not too obvious because that can make the poem sound clunky... the smoother the better I reckon.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Excellent
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What a lovely loop poem. I don't think that I have ever said that before. Loop poems don't usually appeal to me. The format makes them too unnatural, but yours has a nice flow. Your repeats aren't distracting.
My loop poems always sound so silly, and I swore that I would never even try to do one again. But, I don't want the format to outsmart me, and I am working on one. Yours is encouraging. Loops can sound good. Thanks.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Thanks for your comments, Debbie. I've never liked loop poems either - they seem so stilted, but like you I didn't want to be outsmarted! I look forward to seeing yours.
reply by Debbie Pope on 19-Sep-2019
    If it ends up silly like my others, I'm not entering it. That would be silly.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2019
    Fair enough.... but remember, you said you didn't want the format to outsmart you - so it won't be silly.