Searching
Where does one search?3 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Poet,
I liked the basic message running beneath your words (as I think I understood it). That some people continue to search for their true identity and true 'selves' - kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz kept searching for 'Home', not knowing she had all the information and tools she needed all along to find what she wanted.
My only negative comment is that the end of your poem gets slightly 'muddled' (imo - and, certainly, it may just be me.) But I thought I would share my thoughts, if that's okay?
Here are your closing lines:
*
Will satisfaction
Ever arise
Or will they
Never
Have?
*
Maybe you'll see that it kinda stretches the brain to get back to the original thought? I'm wondering if you might consider an edit --
*
Will satisfaction
Ever arise
Or will they
Always
Search?
*
Just a thought - and one you are welcome to toss if you hate it. *smile*
One other small note:
--> Where doe(s) one search?
--> from the description of your poem
Thanks so much and good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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Dear Mystery Poet,
I liked the basic message running beneath your words (as I think I understood it). That some people continue to search for their true identity and true 'selves' - kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz kept searching for 'Home', not knowing she had all the information and tools she needed all along to find what she wanted.
My only negative comment is that the end of your poem gets slightly 'muddled' (imo - and, certainly, it may just be me.) But I thought I would share my thoughts, if that's okay?
Here are your closing lines:
*
Will satisfaction
Ever arise
Or will they
Never
Have?
*
Maybe you'll see that it kinda stretches the brain to get back to the original thought? I'm wondering if you might consider an edit --
*
Will satisfaction
Ever arise
Or will they
Always
Search?
*
Just a thought - and one you are welcome to toss if you hate it. *smile*
One other small note:
--> Where doe(s) one search?
--> from the description of your poem
Thanks so much and good luck!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the read and suggestions. Changed the ending to
Or will they
Always
Seek?
-
Fabulous. Now, if you could please correct that description - you'll be perfect. *smile* I've already changed the rating. Thank you!
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is an interesting take on the assignment. You held true to the Nonet format as described in the guidelines. You pose a good question because a lot of people search a long time and never find anything. Thanks for the read. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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This is an interesting take on the assignment. You held true to the Nonet format as described in the guidelines. You pose a good question because a lot of people search a long time and never find anything. Thanks for the read. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your read and response. Much appreciated.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a technically sound Nonet Poem. The content asks a riveting question for the reader to ponder - especially those that are trying to find themselves as well. The last word is bothersome though, as for me, it just doesn't quite carry forward the power of the rest of the verbiage. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a technically sound Nonet Poem. The content asks a riveting question for the reader to ponder - especially those that are trying to find themselves as well. The last word is bothersome though, as for me, it just doesn't quite carry forward the power of the rest of the verbiage. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
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I will try to come up with a better word. Thanks for you read and comments.