I found my rare needle (revised)
Soulmates really do exist; be persistent18 total reviews
Comment from Willosa
I enjoyed your story. For me it was almost in two parts, the first one about your annoyance at the constant question about finding your soul mate. Then the lengths you went to in the attempt to find him, I found myself smiling reading this bit. Then the second half was a bit of a surprise, when you actually found your needle. It was a nice ending, I'm happy it is working out well so far.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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I enjoyed your story. For me it was almost in two parts, the first one about your annoyance at the constant question about finding your soul mate. Then the lengths you went to in the attempt to find him, I found myself smiling reading this bit. Then the second half was a bit of a surprise, when you actually found your needle. It was a nice ending, I'm happy it is working out well so far.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your complete and generous review. Unfortunately, this one was pure fiction. There are no happy endings in real life!
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Well in that case, sorry that real life has not imitated art on this occasion. Just shows that your writing came across as very realistic.
Comment from Mabaker
This is a well thought-out story that did two things turned a grub into a butterfly and showed her Soul Mate. It moved along a steady pace but didn't drag. Very enjoyable
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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This is a well thought-out story that did two things turned a grub into a butterfly and showed her Soul Mate. It moved along a steady pace but didn't drag. Very enjoyable
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your review. Could you please explain "turned a grub into a butterfly" I don't understand how my story did this.
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By attending the gym and toning and buffing she changed from a grub to a butterfly and realising her soul mate was beside her all the time.
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thanksfor the precision (I am pretty dense sometimes). Useful thought.
Comment from Janetsue
This is a complex writing but each part is well-presented and interesting. There is a lady from my church who always says that what older men are really looking for is 'a nurse and a purse'. lol There is some truth to that, I think. :-)
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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This is a complex writing but each part is well-presented and interesting. There is a lady from my church who always says that what older men are really looking for is 'a nurse and a purse'. lol There is some truth to that, I think. :-)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you for reading this. Nurse and purse is a very apt and "instant image creating" term.
Comment from giraffmang
There may still be an issue with this in that it is written entirely in first person present tense, but the last section takes place now after a shift. it would make more sense for what comes before to have been written in past tense. it leads to an uncomfortable time shift. Just a thought.
The following tag of 'I wonder' is used several times here but it isn't really necessary given that this is written in first person narrative. The reader knows it's the main characters musings.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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There may still be an issue with this in that it is written entirely in first person present tense, but the last section takes place now after a shift. it would make more sense for what comes before to have been written in past tense. it leads to an uncomfortable time shift. Just a thought.
The following tag of 'I wonder' is used several times here but it isn't really necessary given that this is written in first person narrative. The reader knows it's the main characters musings.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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I know, I know, I had such difficulties with this that I wasn't expecting. Thanks for putting it so clearly that I can follow the problems you see. For the contest the piece will go in as it is now, because I can't see straight, any more, but rest assured your comments wont be wasted, as this is destined to be part of something bigger.
Comment from beizanten
Interesting choice of title and the picture suit the story well. An interesting opening paragraph. A very intriguing second paragraph. funny take on lie about one soulmate. The grandparent being soulmate and the description of their relationship is great.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Interesting choice of title and the picture suit the story well. An interesting opening paragraph. A very intriguing second paragraph. funny take on lie about one soulmate. The grandparent being soulmate and the description of their relationship is great.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thank you for telling me so clearly what worked for you in this piece - it's what I need to know, to grow. Reading between the lines, I come to the same conclusion as my own perception of my work. I'm weak on endings. I know a female writer once explained how to fix this, but I've lost the information and can't remember her name. Any ideas?
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a complete and engaging story about your soulmate relationship within the word count restrictions allotted. I thought the tone natural and believable. Your word choices were well executed as they built both the character and the story beautifully. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a complete and engaging story about your soulmate relationship within the word count restrictions allotted. I thought the tone natural and believable. Your word choices were well executed as they built both the character and the story beautifully. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to review this - and for such a positive generous review.
Comment from Elaine Chiodi
Absolutely fabulous, to pilfer a phrase. Your wise words and humorous outlook obviously contributed to the success of your mission. I'd capitalize the first "hell," but that's all I'd change. I'm going back for another read, it was so much fun... ...ec
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Absolutely fabulous, to pilfer a phrase. Your wise words and humorous outlook obviously contributed to the success of your mission. I'd capitalize the first "hell," but that's all I'd change. I'm going back for another read, it was so much fun... ...ec
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your generous words - not forgetting the generous star allocation, I am really grateful. I had a terrible time with which hell to capitalise, and kept changing my mind, but its such a pain entering the revisions, I decided today to abandon it and submit definitively. I hope it stands up to a second reading.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent piece!
I personally know of only one couple whose love has stood the test of time. <-- Make that two. My hubby and I are soulmate who love each other more each day, and I'm 74. :)
I'm glad you found a good man. There aren't very many of them.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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Excellent piece!
I personally know of only one couple whose love has stood the test of time. <-- Make that two. My hubby and I are soulmate who love each other more each day, and I'm 74. :)
I'm glad you found a good man. There aren't very many of them.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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congratulations on your good fortune with your hubby, and thanks for reading.
Comment from Gail Denham
Good luck with the contes t- I felt there was too much information in this and it needed to be broken up with some excitement, some humor, some critical action. There were some part that definitely could be made humorous.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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Good luck with the contes t- I felt there was too much information in this and it needed to be broken up with some excitement, some humor, some critical action. There were some part that definitely could be made humorous.
Good luck.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your review. It contrasts with many of the others, but I will read the piece through and see what I can do. If you could indicate the parts that you found a good choice for a change in style this would be useful to me.
Comment from Susan Morritt
This story about meeting your soulmate is very well written and entertaining. Your use of humour in dealing with rude, intrusive people made me laugh with a unique solution (creating a fictional sloth of partner--brilliant.) Really, who hasn't had people pressure you about a solitary lifestyle? Your accompanying picture is a very astute choice. A needle in a haystack. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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This story about meeting your soulmate is very well written and entertaining. Your use of humour in dealing with rude, intrusive people made me laugh with a unique solution (creating a fictional sloth of partner--brilliant.) Really, who hasn't had people pressure you about a solitary lifestyle? Your accompanying picture is a very astute choice. A needle in a haystack. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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Thank you for this very generous review. Your positive opinions help me to procrastinate less.
