Playground Oasis
Concrete Place Entry8 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a cute entry for the 5-7-5 Place contest.
Oasis means different things to different people, obviously.
Well done and good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2019
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I think this is a cute entry for the 5-7-5 Place contest.
Oasis means different things to different people, obviously.
Well done and good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5, City Playground, has the proper set up and finds that the urban centers can also have outlets for kids to recreate and enjoy themselves. Nice.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2019
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This 5-7-5, City Playground, has the proper set up and finds that the urban centers can also have outlets for kids to recreate and enjoy themselves. Nice.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2019
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Thanks for the kind words!
Comment from Mark D. R.
Great idea to place your inner city park scenario in an oasis setting - terrific phrasing!
Not a big fan of punctuation or capitalization for most poems, especially in 5-7-5 format, but maybe a comma after 'kids' and 'desert' may make sense to you. For me, it improves how I read your poem.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Great idea to place your inner city park scenario in an oasis setting - terrific phrasing!
Not a big fan of punctuation or capitalization for most poems, especially in 5-7-5 format, but maybe a comma after 'kids' and 'desert' may make sense to you. For me, it improves how I read your poem.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this piece. I did add the commas. Much better.
Comment from RodG
A very strong entry in this particular contest as you PUT US THERE in that oasis--a tiny playground within the confines of a "concrete desert" of skyscrapers and traffic.
Rod
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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A very strong entry in this particular contest as you PUT US THERE in that oasis--a tiny playground within the confines of a "concrete desert" of skyscrapers and traffic.
Rod
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for the positive feedback!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and
presentation.
-The syllable count
is good, and the use of
one continuous thought
is effective.
-A good topic and imagery.
-It is so important for
kids to have a good place to play.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
|
-Nice image and
presentation.
-The syllable count
is good, and the use of
one continuous thought
is effective.
-A good topic and imagery.
-It is so important for
kids to have a good place to play.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for the positive feedback!
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You are welcome.
Comment from Ogden
Your 5-7-5 poem is not only clever, but exceptionally well-executed. The kids in the playground illustration is perfect!
Good luck in the Place contest!
Don
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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Your 5-7-5 poem is not only clever, but exceptionally well-executed. The kids in the playground illustration is perfect!
Good luck in the Place contest!
Don
Comment Written 28-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for sharing your insightful comments!
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You're very welcome.
Don
Comment from Y. M. Roger
What a very cool offering for the contest... so many children only know the concrete and come to associate it with safety... even their oasis is part of it! ;) :) Thanx for sharing and good luck! ;)
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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What a very cool offering for the contest... so many children only know the concrete and come to associate it with safety... even their oasis is part of it! ;) :) Thanx for sharing and good luck! ;)
Comment Written 28-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for sharing your insightful comments!
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a simple, yet cute little poem that meets the writing prompt criteria. The picture is full of fun and lends much to the words. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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This is a simple, yet cute little poem that meets the writing prompt criteria. The picture is full of fun and lends much to the words. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the voting.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for sharing your insightful comments!
