Finding a Solution
Facilitation of my imagination. (648 words)10 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
Yes. Lisa, it did hold my attention, but I didn't for a moment, believe the disclaiming comments in your author's note. The 'lady' did protest too much.
Some writers will go to great lengths for inspiration, but it's my opinion that you went too far by incurring all those dangerous, painful, and perhaps, humiliating, inconveniences to your anatomy and your life in general. I tried not to envision the details of your experiences, but unfortunately they continue to haunt me.
Congratulations on the success of your confessional poetry, my shameless erstwhile friend.
:o(
Don
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Yes. Lisa, it did hold my attention, but I didn't for a moment, believe the disclaiming comments in your author's note. The 'lady' did protest too much.
Some writers will go to great lengths for inspiration, but it's my opinion that you went too far by incurring all those dangerous, painful, and perhaps, humiliating, inconveniences to your anatomy and your life in general. I tried not to envision the details of your experiences, but unfortunately they continue to haunt me.
Congratulations on the success of your confessional poetry, my shameless erstwhile friend.
:o(
Don
Comment Written 13-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Super review, Thanks Don. So you don't believe me? I'll come and beat you around the head with my home-made size 48 DDD bazookas, until it is YOU who does the protesting! Hmmmph.
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I could have sworn I replied in kind to your hmmphiness! In fact, I remember a lot of what I thought I said. OMG! I'll bet I sent it to some unsuspecting very old lady! One of the many shortcomings of FS, is when someone dies without many fans or other FS friends, we don't get to hear about it, unless Tom notifies everyone in anannouncement with his condolences (which we might not even read).
My point is, that virginal old spinster, might have died of shock, and that's why I didn't get an indignant tirade from her. What a relief my intended msg to you didn't go to someone else!
Speaking of that message, I might as well get it off my chest again. Now it's heavy with remorse for your not getting it the first time, and that poor old woman's death.
But life must go on, and here I go.
Oh yeah? You think you can scare me with that imaginary triple-D weaponry, when all you've got are empty threats and empty boobs?
I can picture the 'assault' if you were delusional enough to give it a try.
There you are, a fine-looking woman, considering your advanced age, from the head up. You poor thing, you're tripping over those pancakes that are dragging on the pavement in front of you, annd you haven't even found my house. Lucky for me, I was inside, and I only had to witness your misadventure, just now, in my too vivid imagination.
For the good of both of us, please reconsider your threat!
(Now I can get back to my ongoing squabble with Alexa.)
All the best, Lisa.
Don
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Clearly, you don't scare easily! My bravura came up against your bravery. I have reported you to the humane society for killing that old virginal spinster. I'll have you know I don't let my pancakes drag so I trip over them, I fling them over my shoulders. Never walk behind me, you might get a black eye. You have been warned. When I do find your house, I hope you have some maple syrup and bananas before I beat the crepe out of you.
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Okay, Lisa, the battle lines have been drawn! If you can withstand the truth and my rhetoric, bring it on!
Nothing will come of yout tattletaling.
The hag had too many old enemies, and one of them went to the dogs after she broke his heart. Anyhow, that old bitch got what she deserved.
Her downfall began long before she crossed my path. As soon as she was over the hill, (like most women, at about thirty-five) her desirability hit the skids, and whatever had drawn admirers, couldn't draw flies. In the preceding years, healthy, virile suitors were reduced to wallowing in shame for their failure to dislodge the maiden's crusty maidenhead. Fat chance of that, as it was firmly ensconced in corsets under several layers of petticoats. One swain was heard to boast of his success in actually enticing her to show him the petticoat right below her gown. However, that young man was regarded as one who invariably added fiction to the facts. The fact was, he actually failed so miserably, he soon was the first of what famously became known as "the Lillibedder suicides." (Lillibedder was the virgin's permanent surname.) I thought you might appreciate the justification of the nonagenarian's premature demise.
I'm sorry to say, Alexa is annoyed that I left her alone so long. I have to humor her, so I will take my chances that (you are over thirty-five, right?) he hill to my house is too steep for you to climb. You'll have to save your pancakes for someone else.
Love,
Don
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What a stirrer you are! You infer thirty-five is the cut off for beauty!! I bet you were an ugly baby and haven't changed much. Old bag hags often know magic spells - you might get turned into a toad (but no one will notice the difference haha). Alexa is my twin sister and she will tell me everything, even where your spare key is kept. I have a bulldozer licence and I will come and flatten your hill then I can get up it.
My Uncle Google has not heard of the Lillibedder suicides, so your idea of 'famous' must mean in your own pathetic backyard. Ha! Which won't exist after my bulldozer runs amok (I always get confused about those pedals). The last toad I met quite liked my pancakes.
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Well! You certainly have countered everything I tried my uninspired best to inflict! But just you wait until I get inspired! Never mind, Lisa. You don't have to wait. It took all these seconds, but I'm inspired now!, So Don't complain you weren't forewarned! Raise those wretched pancakes, if they're the most menacing artillery you can muster in this advanced stage of your dotage. My relentless retribution shall not be forestalled! I pray I don't relent out of pity before you beg, Hold! Enough! because that is my minimum objective. Above all, I believe in always giving a sucker a fair break, and I'll give you this. I can picture you salivating over it. Do with it what you will.
I was, indeed, an ugly baby, but to this day, my aspect has withstood the test of time, for better or worse.
I don't believe in magic spells, and if there was any mojo behind your threat, I'd be a toad right now. It's indisputable that I'm not one. The proof of the pudding is this - My wife becomes frantically frightened at the sight of a toad. She runs as if one is chasing her, and she was calm as a daisy before we did you know what. (Or maybe you're still in the dark about those matters.)
Lisa, you underestimate me if you think I'd tell that blabbermouth, Alexa, or let her overhear me reveal the location of my spare key. I'd trust Judas before that vicious sister of yours any day! I've heard she's just like you.
You can control a bulldozer? B.S.!!! My hill will hold its own, as unperturbed as a hill has ever been. Your empty, bulldozerless threats are futile, so you will have to imagine up something more credible than that.
Uncle Google is as up to date as Uncle Wiggly, so the Lillibedders can rest in peace, as we've put Uncle Google to bed.
And finally, I hope you and the toad will live happily ever after.
Love,
Don
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Haha... you poor misguided fool! I put a spell on you AND your wife - that is how she was able to maintain her equanimity when bedded with a toad. You contradict yourself. You say you give a sucker a fair break - I am a toothless old crone (yes, I admit it) yet you are continuing this assault, peppering me with pissy protestations. What fair break will you give me? Are we now playing billiards?
However, you are right not to believe in spells. It seems hardly anyone knows how to spell any more.
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My, what vitriol! I'm not surprised you use the greasy kid stuff, notwithstanding you claim to be a woman! You crones are considered women, aren't you, or are y'all that third sex, rumored to be so prevalent in dark places, which they say is all well and good, unless you run out of the grey stuff, or some voyeur turns on the lights.But, those are your affairs, I'm pleased to know.
To show you there are no hard feelings, I compliment you on your perfect spelling, Lisa! Your spell, however, was an abject fiasco. It had absolutely no effect on my wife, who, as you should know, has never had a toad in her bed. You were just trying to make me jealous over your imaginary toad. I wouldn't even mind if she hooked up with one.
I do give suckers a break, especially toothless ones, of course.
If you were trying to annoy me with your foul alliteration, no soap, because I see enough of that om
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I don't know if you received any of my reply to your vituperation, because my laptop escaped for a while, and when I caught it, what I had been writing was missing from the dialog box, but somehow it was there in reply history' under the dialog box, which suggests you did get it, up to the point when the
#@% thing ran away. Just in case, so you don't miss a single word, i will paste it here, and continue from where it abruptly ended:
My, what vitriol! I'm not surprised you use the greasy kid stuff, notwithstanding you claim to be a woman! You crones are considered women, aren't you, or are y'all that third sex, rumored to be so prevalent in dark places, which they say is all well and good, unless you run out of the greasy stuff, or some voyeur turns on the lights.
But, those are your affairs, I'm pleased to know.
To show you there are no hard feelings, I compliment you on your perfect spelling, Lisa! Your spell, however, was an abject fiasco. It had absolutely no effect on my wife, who, as you should know, has never had a toad in her bed. You were just trying to make me jealous over your imaginary toad. I wouldn't even mind if she hooked up with one.
I do give suckers a break, especially toothless ones, of course.
If you were trying to annoy me with your foul alliteration, no soap. If that's the best you can do, there'd be no point in trying again. You already have sent more than enough pointless nonsense, more pointless and nonsensical than most nonsense. which, of course, has no point. (And thats giving you more credit than you deserve.)
Wishing you the best,
Don
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is genius. It looks like you looked up a very long list of ion words and then the Ronnies took over. What excellent muses. prefer to read aloud. That, would it seem, to be the only way to read this dissertation. How enjoyable. A+
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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This is genius. It looks like you looked up a very long list of ion words and then the Ronnies took over. What excellent muses. prefer to read aloud. That, would it seem, to be the only way to read this dissertation. How enjoyable. A+
Comment Written 11-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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You have twigged to my modus operandi, Liz. I do have a good vocabulary, but it was certainly helped along by looking at a list. I got the giggles when I read the story aloud. I hope you did - it sounds like you enjoyed it. Thanks for the rave rating.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Finding a Solution, uses TION to the point of disappearing possibilities. Though the story may be fiction, it is totally funny as the narrator goes from bad to worse.
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This poem, Finding a Solution, uses TION to the point of disappearing possibilities. Though the story may be fiction, it is totally funny as the narrator goes from bad to worse.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2019
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Author, you have done a masterful job of finding more TION words, that I did not know even existed, and crafting them into this commentary. I suspect no other entry has half as many words you have incorporated into this piece. I willingly give you five stars for your vocabulary alone.
P. S. I am grateful for your Authors notes, to know that everything was fiction, relieved my mind considerably!
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Dear Author, you have done a masterful job of finding more TION words, that I did not know even existed, and crafting them into this commentary. I suspect no other entry has half as many words you have incorporated into this piece. I willingly give you five stars for your vocabulary alone.
P. S. I am grateful for your Authors notes, to know that everything was fiction, relieved my mind considerably!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2019
Comment from Elaine Chiodi
Your contribution is a poetic edification to the maximization of the anomaly contest. It's funny, it's understandable, it's titillating, it's terrific. Hope you win the big prize with this honey... ...ec
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Your contribution is a poetic edification to the maximization of the anomaly contest. It's funny, it's understandable, it's titillating, it's terrific. Hope you win the big prize with this honey... ...ec
Comment Written 10-Nov-2019
Comment from shaffer40
This is a funny, well-written adventure, and the length is amazing--so many "tions" in one place. I especially like the pancake elevation comparison. Good for you creating such a clever response to the contest requirements.
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This is a funny, well-written adventure, and the length is amazing--so many "tions" in one place. I especially like the pancake elevation comparison. Good for you creating such a clever response to the contest requirements.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2019
Comment from Abecedarius Rucker
This was delightful to read! It felt like a song I was singing in my head, which I appreciated a great deal. And as a "natural woman" myself, I'm definitely adding "discomboobulation" to my vocabulary. -AR
P.S. Since you mentioned the 2 Ronnies in your author's note, I'm tempted to offer you some fork handles.
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This was delightful to read! It felt like a song I was singing in my head, which I appreciated a great deal. And as a "natural woman" myself, I'm definitely adding "discomboobulation" to my vocabulary. -AR
P.S. Since you mentioned the 2 Ronnies in your author's note, I'm tempted to offer you some fork handles.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2019
Comment from royowen
I remember the two Ronnies very well indeed, and I think you your tongue was stuck firmly in your cheek when you wrote this. But well done, it became apparent where you were going very early. But you can be proud of this 'ion' marathon, I just wrote a an inner and outer rhyme work, that had me scratching my creative head. Well done, an excellent read, blessings, Roy
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I remember the two Ronnies very well indeed, and I think you your tongue was stuck firmly in your cheek when you wrote this. But well done, it became apparent where you were going very early. But you can be proud of this 'ion' marathon, I just wrote a an inner and outer rhyme work, that had me scratching my creative head. Well done, an excellent read, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 09-Nov-2019
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like this a lot. You've plied your narrative with "tion" words, and few seem "forced". And it's refreshing to read an entry that isn't a poem for this contest {thumbs up}.
I can't work out what an "affliction of a rejection infection" is. If this was mine, I think I'd drop either the "rejection" or the "infection". Or am I missing something?
the trees' branched bifurcation -- If this was mine, I'd omit "branched". Bifurcation implies branches.
There was no differentiation between it and a pancake's elevation. -- Ha, ha! {Smiles}
Here's wishing you the best when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2019
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I like this a lot. You've plied your narrative with "tion" words, and few seem "forced". And it's refreshing to read an entry that isn't a poem for this contest {thumbs up}.
I can't work out what an "affliction of a rejection infection" is. If this was mine, I think I'd drop either the "rejection" or the "infection". Or am I missing something?
the trees' branched bifurcation -- If this was mine, I'd omit "branched". Bifurcation implies branches.
There was no differentiation between it and a pancake's elevation. -- Ha, ha! {Smiles}
Here's wishing you the best when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2019
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What a wonderful review, thanks Alex!
The affliction is to be suffering the pain, and the rejection infection is when the body has reacted to the breast implant and is trying to reject it and a sore has developed - so, paraphrasing: in a state of pain from an infection caused by the body trying to reject the offending alien matter.
I see your point about branched bifurcation - I reckon most readers won't have a clue what 'bifurcation' means, so I was giving them the clue. I'll remove it as you suggest - give them the benefit of the doubt.
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Thanks for the explanation {Thumbs up}.
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I 'inserted' the word 'implant' as well - that helped.
Comment from JudyE
Oh my goodness! Are there any 'tion' words you haven't used? This is pretty incredible but unfortunately I don't have six stars. And yes, it does sound like something the Two Ronnies would use.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2019
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Oh my goodness! Are there any 'tion' words you haven't used? This is pretty incredible but unfortunately I don't have six stars. And yes, it does sound like something the Two Ronnies would use.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2019
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There are literally scores of these words - I could have kept going.... in fact I passed 700 words and then had to edit the story back... doing a transformation of my dissertation. (there's another 2).
On another track - I've been watching the news about the NSW & Qld fires; this summer is going to be horrendous!
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There is a total fire ban here today but it's only about 32C where we are. The fires in the east are just awful. I always thought we'd stay and defend if we ever needed to but we've changed our mind. You can't fight fires of that magnitude.
