Compassionate leave
Lying could make bad things happen10 total reviews
Comment from May 1
This is such a great poem. I love your rhymes and how nicely the poem flows. Also, the twist at the end is wonderfully done. All in all, a very enjoyable poem to read.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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This is such a great poem. I love your rhymes and how nicely the poem flows. Also, the twist at the end is wonderfully done. All in all, a very enjoyable poem to read.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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Many thanks
Comment from shaffer40
Good story about irony, more creative because it's poetic.
I would correct one thing--take the "of" out of the following line:
He just wanted to have a couple of weeks off.
"He just wanted to have a couple weeks off" is correct and makes the rhythm better.
Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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Good story about irony, more creative because it's poetic.
I would correct one thing--take the "of" out of the following line:
He just wanted to have a couple of weeks off.
"He just wanted to have a couple weeks off" is correct and makes the rhythm better.
Well done.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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Many thanks. Much appreciated.
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You're welcome for sure.
Comment from Ogden
I have to admit I thought my twenty liner might win this contest, then checked out the competition, and the only entry I saw was your %#@! piece that even I would be tempted to vote for. In fact, I almost gave it a sixer before I thought better of it.
;o(
Ogden (Don)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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I have to admit I thought my twenty liner might win this contest, then checked out the competition, and the only entry I saw was your %#@! piece that even I would be tempted to vote for. In fact, I almost gave it a sixer before I thought better of it.
;o(
Ogden (Don)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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I wish you had but I do understand. Thanks Don.
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You're welcome, and I'm betting on you (reluctantly, of course).
Don
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Of course Lol.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written twenty line poem and a moral lesson never lie about the health of a loved one to benefit yoursekf or any other reason, it alwaysvhaveca way to backfire on you.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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A very well-written twenty line poem and a moral lesson never lie about the health of a loved one to benefit yoursekf or any other reason, it alwaysvhaveca way to backfire on you.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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Many thanks Sandra
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 20 Line Poem contest.
This verse is a new version of the "Cry Wolf" story. Well told, well rhymed.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the 20 Line Poem contest.
This verse is a new version of the "Cry Wolf" story. Well told, well rhymed.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Thanks Sharon
Comment from Ricky1024
"Compassionate Leave" is a 20 line Poetry Contest Entry.
I like the way you presented it and the artwork.
I have pictures of my dad that are done in that similar black and white that were forgotten in a box for 40 years until my Aunt Rose asked me if I wanted it.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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"Compassionate Leave" is a 20 line Poetry Contest Entry.
I like the way you presented it and the artwork.
I have pictures of my dad that are done in that similar black and white that were forgotten in a box for 40 years until my Aunt Rose asked me if I wanted it.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Many thanks
Comment from S. O. G. Johnson
This is purely lyric. It brings to mind the classics from bards who sing their poems with the lyre. I don't know if others also find the amazing humour along the lines. It is just a masterpiece, I must say.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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This is purely lyric. It brings to mind the classics from bards who sing their poems with the lyre. I don't know if others also find the amazing humour along the lines. It is just a masterpiece, I must say.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the great review
Comment from LisaMay
What a terrible son! and now he will be caught out, serves him right.
Your poem generally flows well, but a possible amendment to even out what felt bumpy to me would be in this line:
"Sorry I've bad news, son," he said.
I feel it sounds better when read in conjunction with the other lines as : "Sorry," he said, "I've bad news, son."
Also, in this line, 'that' should be 'who' when referring to a person.
She had a new boyfriend called Jack
that(who) took her everywhere.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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What a terrible son! and now he will be caught out, serves him right.
Your poem generally flows well, but a possible amendment to even out what felt bumpy to me would be in this line:
"Sorry I've bad news, son," he said.
I feel it sounds better when read in conjunction with the other lines as : "Sorry," he said, "I've bad news, son."
Also, in this line, 'that' should be 'who' when referring to a person.
She had a new boyfriend called Jack
that(who) took her everywhere.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the review. I appreciTe your suggestions
Comment from Dancemom
This is a very good poem with a moral lesson. Now that he called wolf, no one will believe him. I enjoyed this poem. Your rhyming pattern and meter are fantastic. I'm out of six stars, but you definitely earned it.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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This is a very good poem with a moral lesson. Now that he called wolf, no one will believe him. I enjoyed this poem. Your rhyming pattern and meter are fantastic. I'm out of six stars, but you definitely earned it.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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I am so glad you like it Heather and thanks for the virtual 6.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh dear, this is a sad story and one lie is the start of many and once others lose confidence, we are often branded for good, I loved the moral behind this story, the rhymes and flow, I was touched, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Oh dear, this is a sad story and one lie is the start of many and once others lose confidence, we are often branded for good, I loved the moral behind this story, the rhymes and flow, I was touched, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2020
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Thanks fir the great review. X
