Remembering Her
Memory flash comes when not expected.3 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image
and presentation.
-A good topic and
effective imagery.
-You paint a vivid
picture of the scene
as you recall it, and have
good concluding lines, too.
-I particularly line the description
in the second line and the
use of "echoes" at the end.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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-Nice image
and presentation.
-A good topic and
effective imagery.
-You paint a vivid
picture of the scene
as you recall it, and have
good concluding lines, too.
-I particularly line the description
in the second line and the
use of "echoes" at the end.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the heads up I have edited to:
my convertible, me and you, your
black hair, blue eyes and ponytail
parked in our favorite spot
along the green lagoon
in old Marquette Park
my love of you
way back then
echoes
still
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You are welcome. A very good job. I changed your review for you.
Comment from RodG
There is nothing more memorable than that first romance--in your case in a convertible parked near a lagoon. My only criticism of this nonet is your arrangement of phrases. It sounds like the convertible had "raven hair, blue eyes and [a] ponytail." Rod
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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There is nothing more memorable than that first romance--in your case in a convertible parked near a lagoon. My only criticism of this nonet is your arrangement of phrases. It sounds like the convertible had "raven hair, blue eyes and [a] ponytail." Rod
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Edited re suggestions:
my convertible, me and you, your
black hair, blue eyes and ponytail
parked in our favorite spot
along the green lagoon
in old Marquette Park
my love of you
way back then
echoes
still
-
Much better. I will go back and add a star to my review.
-
Thanks for the help
Comment from Debbie Pope
This is a lovely nonet, mystery writer. I think that it will resonate with so many FanStory readers. Do feelings for our young loves ever go away? I don't think so.
My only suggestion has to do with the second line. It has one too many syllables. Otherwise, I would not change a thing.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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This is a lovely nonet, mystery writer. I think that it will resonate with so many FanStory readers. Do feelings for our young loves ever go away? I don't think so.
My only suggestion has to do with the second line. It has one too many syllables. Otherwise, I would not change a thing.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the heads up. I have edited to:
my convertible, me and you, your
black hair, blue eyes and ponytail
parked in our favorite spot
along the green lagoon
in old Marquette Park
my love of you
way back then
echoes
still
-
That works.
-
Thanks for the help