Blended Reality
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Rides of a Lifetime"A collection of stories: Some True, some not
5 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
A missionary friend and I were talking about this just yesterday. I realized the day I tried to kill my husband after a rather brutal beating, that he was right there with me and I never realized it till we spoke. I truly loved the writing and the message in witnessing. No problems noted
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
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A missionary friend and I were talking about this just yesterday. I realized the day I tried to kill my husband after a rather brutal beating, that he was right there with me and I never realized it till we spoke. I truly loved the writing and the message in witnessing. No problems noted
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
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Barb, I am first and and foremost in agony to read of this abuse. But, I know, first-hand, that we are never, ever without God in our midst and what a blessing this is so!
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hi ... a very close call, huh? I enjoyed your nonfiction story. I was in a fatal car accident. It really stops you in your tracks. I was the only survivor. Horrible. And to this day, I don't like being in a car, train, bus, anything like that. Well, I am glad you made it.
I don't have many suggestions for improvement, this read well, but the only thing I will bring to your attention is this ...
I felt ... I would edit out this expression, as it distances you from the reader who already knows you are 'feeling' this write. Just move into the sentence without it. 'I felt', 'I think'. Hope that makes sense, and a few words that don't really help the story should be avoided. Words like, 'very', 'really' etc. I know we use them in everyday speech, but they are weeds in the garden of literature. lol
Have a great day and enjoy your writing, Eve.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
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Hi ... a very close call, huh? I enjoyed your nonfiction story. I was in a fatal car accident. It really stops you in your tracks. I was the only survivor. Horrible. And to this day, I don't like being in a car, train, bus, anything like that. Well, I am glad you made it.
I don't have many suggestions for improvement, this read well, but the only thing I will bring to your attention is this ...
I felt ... I would edit out this expression, as it distances you from the reader who already knows you are 'feeling' this write. Just move into the sentence without it. 'I felt', 'I think'. Hope that makes sense, and a few words that don't really help the story should be avoided. Words like, 'very', 'really' etc. I know we use them in everyday speech, but they are weeds in the garden of literature. lol
Have a great day and enjoy your writing, Eve.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
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Eve, excellent feedback! I edited out five weeds! Thank you very much!
Comment from zanya
Some very interesting true life tales happening over a lifetime narrated here filled with fear at first but with a sense of 'someone watching over me'- an enjoyable read
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Some very interesting true life tales happening over a lifetime narrated here filled with fear at first but with a sense of 'someone watching over me'- an enjoyable read
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Zanya, thank you for reviewing and commenting on this short piece.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Great expression: God moments.... just perfect! I do believe I shall borrow that, sir, if you do not mind? :) Wonderful recounts of those instances where your guardian angel was definitely on duty... :) Well done and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Great expression: God moments.... just perfect! I do believe I shall borrow that, sir, if you do not mind? :) Wonderful recounts of those instances where your guardian angel was definitely on duty... :) Well done and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Yvette - I can't imagine there really are people in our midst who do not believe in guardian angels. It was fun to let my imagination hop onto the page. But, as the case with most rabbit holes things can get pretty dicey. LOL
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Lol! Dicey and then some, yeah?;) ;) Have a wonderful weekend! ;) Yvette
Comment from JudyE
Goodness, these were narrow escapes.
I picked up a few points and have given four stars. I'll come back and give five after a few edits have been made.
my daughters' maiden voyage as a newly qualified 727 pilot." "So, sit back - delete speech marks.
When you fly into the SFO airport, you typically descend over the Bay, and you can easily see water as glide onto the runway - did you mean 'as you glide' or 'as the plane glides'? There is a word missing.
We start rolling down the runway, gathering of speed, - I would delete 'of'
and white-knuckled my grip, with he thought - should be 'the thought'
"My God is this how its going end." - comma after 'God'. Apostrophe - it's. Maybe question mark at end.
"ladies and gentlemen, I am so deeply sorry - capital for 'ladies'
"This is an extremely unique event," he continues to say, - I might have said simply 'he continued'.
"we will circle back around and get you headed to San Diego at our earliest possibility." - maybe 'earliest opportunity'
situated high on a bluff overlooking northeastern Spokane, Mount St.
a refreshing drink of water from spring - from the spring
literally into several pieces - comma after 'literally'
The prongs holding the front wheel embedding right - should be 'embedded'
and threw me head or heels onto the roadbed - head over heels
Have a great day
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Goodness, these were narrow escapes.
I picked up a few points and have given four stars. I'll come back and give five after a few edits have been made.
my daughters' maiden voyage as a newly qualified 727 pilot." "So, sit back - delete speech marks.
When you fly into the SFO airport, you typically descend over the Bay, and you can easily see water as glide onto the runway - did you mean 'as you glide' or 'as the plane glides'? There is a word missing.
We start rolling down the runway, gathering of speed, - I would delete 'of'
and white-knuckled my grip, with he thought - should be 'the thought'
"My God is this how its going end." - comma after 'God'. Apostrophe - it's. Maybe question mark at end.
"ladies and gentlemen, I am so deeply sorry - capital for 'ladies'
"This is an extremely unique event," he continues to say, - I might have said simply 'he continued'.
"we will circle back around and get you headed to San Diego at our earliest possibility." - maybe 'earliest opportunity'
situated high on a bluff overlooking northeastern Spokane, Mount St.
a refreshing drink of water from spring - from the spring
literally into several pieces - comma after 'literally'
The prongs holding the front wheel embedding right - should be 'embedded'
and threw me head or heels onto the roadbed - head over heels
Have a great day
Judy
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Judy, thank you so very much for the extra review and comments.
