Remembering Yesterday
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Our Second Year"A widow's journey into her relationship with her
13 total reviews
Comment from JP Writer
Reading this chapter out of context of previous chapters, I still found it easy to follow.
Interesting choice of second-person POV. I works, mostly, but I wonder why you made this choice? Especially considering the second person, your husband, would know most of what you wrote. The result is the seems to be a personal diary or journal of someone with a fairly typical life (if there is such a thing...). Not much drama.
Except for the short description of the neighbor with the older spouse who then died and the squirrel incident, I did not feel much engaged in the chapter. Still, your writing is clear and I think you have the potential to turn this into a five-story chapter. Good luck with this!
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Reading this chapter out of context of previous chapters, I still found it easy to follow.
Interesting choice of second-person POV. I works, mostly, but I wonder why you made this choice? Especially considering the second person, your husband, would know most of what you wrote. The result is the seems to be a personal diary or journal of someone with a fairly typical life (if there is such a thing...). Not much drama.
Except for the short description of the neighbor with the older spouse who then died and the squirrel incident, I did not feel much engaged in the chapter. Still, your writing is clear and I think you have the potential to turn this into a five-story chapter. Good luck with this!
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Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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It is hard to judge a work when ;you are reading out of context. Most of my readers understand that my husband has past away and I reliving my life with him by addressing him, but mostly writing for my children so they will understand both of us better when we were young. Times have changed since the early 60s. I try to very careful with my rating when I reading something without understanding the background.
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Points taken. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope my feedback was not hurtful. I wish you good luck with this project.
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Another thought, Beth. Perhaps with each new chapter you submit, you can include a sentence or two introducing the concept so there's some context for reviewers who stumble on your newest chapter. Something, perhaps, like this:
After my husband passed away, I began reliving my life with him, mostly for my children so they will understand us better when we were young in the early 1960s! My, how times have changed...
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Yes, I had been doing that up till this chapter. I missed it somehow on this one.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post with us. I smiled as I read about the squirrel.
Our Kitchen was almost as large as the whole apartment we had just moved from. (lower case 'k' on kitchen)
The house we lived in had a generous supply of these cute little creatures in the yard.. (only one period needed)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you for sharing this post with us. I smiled as I read about the squirrel.
Our Kitchen was almost as large as the whole apartment we had just moved from. (lower case 'k' on kitchen)
The house we lived in had a generous supply of these cute little creatures in the yard.. (only one period needed)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the review and comment, Barbara. Also thanks for seeing things that needed fixing.
Comment from Bill Pinder
That is a humorous story about trying to catch a squirrel with the idea of training it. I have never heard of that. Glad you decided to settle for a cat. Thanks for sharing your real life story. Bill
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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That is a humorous story about trying to catch a squirrel with the idea of training it. I have never heard of that. Glad you decided to settle for a cat. Thanks for sharing your real life story. Bill
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Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks for reading and for your comment. I tried that again much later in life with a baby squirrel. It worked better but you can't take the wild of them. Now I leave them outside to do their own thing.
