The Last Slice
Saved just for you17 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
A very lilting and rhyming poem with a story of horror woven throughout. Did he get his comeuppance? From the thoughts in his mind, as he remembers, I would say "Yes."
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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A very lilting and rhyming poem with a story of horror woven throughout. Did he get his comeuppance? From the thoughts in his mind, as he remembers, I would say "Yes."
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading my horror poem. I guess I have an overactive imagination. Lol. Thanks again. :)
Comment from Mrs. KT
Holy Toledo, Mystery Writer!
Pretty certain I'll never think of apple pie again in the same way. Wickedly delightful! Creative! And it certainly held my attention!
Best wishes!
Diane
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Holy Toledo, Mystery Writer!
Pretty certain I'll never think of apple pie again in the same way. Wickedly delightful! Creative! And it certainly held my attention!
Best wishes!
Diane
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Thenk you for reading. I guess I gave apple pie a bad name..lol. I really appreciate your comments. :)
Comment from WriterHeather
This is an emotional rollor coaster of a read. Excellent rhyme throughout. My favorite line was he screamed deep from his belly.
Then realized that someone had,
coated him with jelly. Bone chilling. Just imagining this scene made me shiver!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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This is an emotional rollor coaster of a read. Excellent rhyme throughout. My favorite line was he screamed deep from his belly.
Then realized that someone had,
coated him with jelly. Bone chilling. Just imagining this scene made me shiver!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you. I have an overactive imagination apparently. Lol! Thank you for the 6 stars.
Comment from Pantygynt
there is just a hint of the Robert Service here that makes one want to laugh at some of the black humour lurking within this tale of revenge. I did feel though that this bit was a forced rhyme too far because the coating with jelly is only there to rhyme with jelly and does not add anything really to the narrative.
Nevertheless I felt I could forgive it as I was gripped overall by the story.
He felt one bite into his foot,
he screamed deep from his belly.
Then realized that someone had,
coated him with jelly.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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there is just a hint of the Robert Service here that makes one want to laugh at some of the black humour lurking within this tale of revenge. I did feel though that this bit was a forced rhyme too far because the coating with jelly is only there to rhyme with jelly and does not add anything really to the narrative.
Nevertheless I felt I could forgive it as I was gripped overall by the story.
He felt one bite into his foot,
he screamed deep from his belly.
Then realized that someone had,
coated him with jelly.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you for this great review. I welcome any tips on how to improve my work, and I appreciate your feedback. :)
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you for this great review...I really appreciate it.
Comment from Frederick Samson
I quite liked this poem actually. Soon his world was spinning,
the diner lights grew dim.
He couldn't understand it,
what was happening to him?
He woke up in total darkness,
bounded by a chain
A corrugated tin roof,
didn't quite catch all the rain, was the best part, thanks for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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I quite liked this poem actually. Soon his world was spinning,
the diner lights grew dim.
He couldn't understand it,
what was happening to him?
He woke up in total darkness,
bounded by a chain
A corrugated tin roof,
didn't quite catch all the rain, was the best part, thanks for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. I notice that you gave me a good. I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on how I could have improved it. I'd appreciate the feedback. Thank you again.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this is an epically sad and bitter story and you had me hanging onto my seat here! But fact is stranger than fiction and unfortunately we humans tangle webs of sin at times, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Oh my goodness this is an epically sad and bitter story and you had me hanging onto my seat here! But fact is stranger than fiction and unfortunately we humans tangle webs of sin at times, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you..I'm glad you liked it. I know it's a little dark, but I love the crine shows on television so I guess that's where that comes from. Thanks for reading.
