Not Love-Phone Sent
A Short Monorhyme13 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Congratulations on bringing home the blue ribbon. I think the poem is relatable to anyone who went to college or moved away from home without coupling. Nice work. Great poem.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2020
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Congratulations on bringing home the blue ribbon. I think the poem is relatable to anyone who went to college or moved away from home without coupling. Nice work. Great poem.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2020
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Thank you, yes a bit of a surprise, though comments along the way helped me to correct it , as always much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from LisaMay
Your poem sums up many of our lives these days, separated from those we love, and from our usual enjoyable routines we took for granted would continue. I like how you have used 'concrete' in the 1st stanza and 'cement' in the 2nd.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Your poem sums up many of our lives these days, separated from those we love, and from our usual enjoyable routines we took for granted would continue. I like how you have used 'concrete' in the 1st stanza and 'cement' in the 2nd.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for your wonderful and encouraging review, very much appreciated
Comment from David Sumich
That is fantastic. Love the "A" rhyme scheme throughout. I never fatigues me, which is hard to do, but you pulled it off. You also told me a complete train of thought that I could understand easily. Loved it.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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That is fantastic. Love the "A" rhyme scheme throughout. I never fatigues me, which is hard to do, but you pulled it off. You also told me a complete train of thought that I could understand easily. Loved it.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much, so encouraging an informative
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You are welcome!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Not Love - Phone Sent, has the required words and bemoan the present situation or some other reason that keeps loved ones separated.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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This poem, Not Love - Phone Sent, has the required words and bemoan the present situation or some other reason that keeps loved ones separated.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A Short Monorhyme
Not Love-Phone Sent
I like your monorhyme poem. It's a fine entry for the poem with these words contest. Nice presentation. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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A Short Monorhyme
Not Love-Phone Sent
I like your monorhyme poem. It's a fine entry for the poem with these words contest. Nice presentation. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
Comment from __Lou__
This is a very lovely poem, it is a bit confusing, and I could only really understand it by reading your notes. I think you should move the hyphen to be between 'phone' and 'sent' (phone-sent) as having it where it is isn't grammatically correct and made me read it like a semicolon to honest. Here are some other observations I made.
"serves" should be serve I think, and 'of' doesn't seem to make sense in that sentence. I feel like it should be "memories serve" but the sentence itself isn't grammatically correct and because you have to read it a few times to understand it takes you out of the pome. I know what you are trying to say but I don't think it is right.
I feel also that the third line should start with 'on' as you say "past times spent of ocean walks". If it is to be its own separate sentence then that's a different story but that is how I read it.
"work with friends-to pay rent" - the dash is not needed or should be "work with friends (to pay rent)."
"cement a future" - Again, I understand what you are trying to say but hearing this just sounds wrong or incorrect. I'm not familiar with this phrase if it is one.
Overall, I like the poem, it is a nice story that people can relate to and seem to like, but it is just a little confusing (understood easily enough but just went about it a complicated way I think). Good job here and good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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This is a very lovely poem, it is a bit confusing, and I could only really understand it by reading your notes. I think you should move the hyphen to be between 'phone' and 'sent' (phone-sent) as having it where it is isn't grammatically correct and made me read it like a semicolon to honest. Here are some other observations I made.
"serves" should be serve I think, and 'of' doesn't seem to make sense in that sentence. I feel like it should be "memories serve" but the sentence itself isn't grammatically correct and because you have to read it a few times to understand it takes you out of the pome. I know what you are trying to say but I don't think it is right.
I feel also that the third line should start with 'on' as you say "past times spent of ocean walks". If it is to be its own separate sentence then that's a different story but that is how I read it.
"work with friends-to pay rent" - the dash is not needed or should be "work with friends (to pay rent)."
"cement a future" - Again, I understand what you are trying to say but hearing this just sounds wrong or incorrect. I'm not familiar with this phrase if it is one.
Overall, I like the poem, it is a nice story that people can relate to and seem to like, but it is just a little confusing (understood easily enough but just went about it a complicated way I think). Good job here and good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much, your help and encouragement is much appreciated
Comment from Drew Delaney
Nice work on this poem! The end rhymes are good and they all rhyme. I know the feeling. We are staying put to keep them well as for ourselves. Be strong, and soon it will be better.
Drew
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Nice work on this poem! The end rhymes are good and they all rhyme. I know the feeling. We are staying put to keep them well as for ourselves. Be strong, and soon it will be better.
Drew
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I love this. It's super witty, clever, and very well thought out. I also love the superb rhyme and flow incorporated into this. This is good work and I enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done! Keep writing!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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I love this. It's super witty, clever, and very well thought out. I also love the superb rhyme and flow incorporated into this. This is good work and I enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done! Keep writing!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is in good form. I enjoyed reading it. I like the monorhyme, the required words sound natural in use, and readers can feel how sad you are that you cannot speak to your family in person. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Your contest entry is in good form. I enjoyed reading it. I like the monorhyme, the required words sound natural in use, and readers can feel how sad you are that you cannot speak to your family in person. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Wonderfully written with good rhymes! I will read again and again. Just a suggestion, you may either want to punctuate wherever appropriate, or decide not to punctuate at all. You just have to stick with one! Great read; my best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Wonderfully written with good rhymes! I will read again and again. Just a suggestion, you may either want to punctuate wherever appropriate, or decide not to punctuate at all. You just have to stick with one! Great read; my best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much
