White Bread
Dialogue between mom and son with few speech tags39 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
Diane, I like this a lot. Particularly the story-in-the-story. Race are issues are a delicate topic, but very appropriate to the moment.
My one concern is that the boy, Morgan, doesn't feel real to me. He's a convenient sounding board to bounce the mother's story off of. His responses seem custom made to further the story. I suspect others won't read this the same way I did, so, my comment comes with a grain of salt.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Diane, I like this a lot. Particularly the story-in-the-story. Race are issues are a delicate topic, but very appropriate to the moment.
My one concern is that the boy, Morgan, doesn't feel real to me. He's a convenient sounding board to bounce the mother's story off of. His responses seem custom made to further the story. I suspect others won't read this the same way I did, so, my comment comes with a grain of salt.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Hello Lee!
So pleased you enjoyed.
I won't share your review with my son, Morgan; his feelings might be hurt... :)
I originally thought I was going to enter this offering in the Dialogue Only contest, but then I realized that the mother - (me) was, indeed, dominating the dialogue and there was too much narration.
However, what I wrote and how I wrote it is the way the conversation took place. I did most of the talking, and my son questioned. He was - in a sense- furthering the story with his questions.
Thank you again!
diane
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Ah, I'm sorry, Diane. I didn't realize this was non-fiction. I guess I'm not as observant as I thought. Anyway, I stand corrected. My sincere apologies. Lee
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Oh! No worries, Lee!
He's a math/chemistry major. Man of few words... :) But he's a Cub's fan, so there's that... :)
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This story is well told. It is informative and relates a person's personal history in class with two minority students on being called "whitebread" in a derogatory way and how she responded to it. Very enjoyable to read and easy to follow along with the storyline. I'm sorry I missed the significance of the green wooden necklace, and why she wouldn't wear them anymore. Thank you for sharing your point of view on the racist issue.
Take care,
Jesse
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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This story is well told. It is informative and relates a person's personal history in class with two minority students on being called "whitebread" in a derogatory way and how she responded to it. Very enjoyable to read and easy to follow along with the storyline. I'm sorry I missed the significance of the green wooden necklace, and why she wouldn't wear them anymore. Thank you for sharing your point of view on the racist issue.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Hello Jesse!
So wonderful to hear from you!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
So pleased you enjoyed.
No significance re: green wooden necklace.
I thought it was stylish; Charlene mocked it because it matched my shoes! From the perspective of thirty-six years, I'm with Charlene! :)
Hoping you are feeling well!
Thank you again, Jesse!
diane
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Hello Diane.
Yes, I enjoyed reading this story very much.
After a much needed nap, I am up and on my laptop again, and healing steadily more each day. I should be home in a couple more weeks. It's been six weeks already so I am eager to get back to my way of life.
It's good to hear from you, too.
You are welcome for the review and rating.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Diane, this is a winner of a story. Well written and the message is so instructive. It could not have been written any better. It was never too Missy Prissy Perfect white girl. You strengthened this in 'And I tried to keep my right knee from shaking.' That was a brilliant statement to make. You hardly needed the following paragraph. In a situation like this one, stress kicks in and we are all vulnerable unless we are a psycho'. I like the light-hearted ending, with your son, Morgan's quip about the green necklace. BUT, is that picture really your necklace? LOL! Would you keep something like that in your jewel box all these years LOL! Admired your story very much. Good Luck - regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Hello Diane, this is a winner of a story. Well written and the message is so instructive. It could not have been written any better. It was never too Missy Prissy Perfect white girl. You strengthened this in 'And I tried to keep my right knee from shaking.' That was a brilliant statement to make. You hardly needed the following paragraph. In a situation like this one, stress kicks in and we are all vulnerable unless we are a psycho'. I like the light-hearted ending, with your son, Morgan's quip about the green necklace. BUT, is that picture really your necklace? LOL! Would you keep something like that in your jewel box all these years LOL! Admired your story very much. Good Luck - regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Hello Dorothy!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review!
No...that photo of the necklace is not mine, but it comes pretty darn close to the one I wore in 1974... only mine was longer! What a fashion statement = not! (And shoes to match! Good Lord!)
So very pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I understand you put a lot of deep thought into this conversation, Mrs. KT. It flows well and the progression is great. I like the way you developed the theme of white/black issues. Your characters are well-defined. This could only have been written from one who has 'been there done that.' I found this to be interesting and enlightening without bias or judgement just factual. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I understand you put a lot of deep thought into this conversation, Mrs. KT. It flows well and the progression is great. I like the way you developed the theme of white/black issues. Your characters are well-defined. This could only have been written from one who has 'been there done that.' I found this to be interesting and enlightening without bias or judgement just factual. Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Hello Jan!
So pleased you enjoyed.
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a really good conversation with your daughter, and I liked what you did when you were a student and that is fizzled out to become a friendship. Most of us have friends of different cultures and colours, but again, most of us only see the person, not the colour. Why should it matter? I read Roy's poem just now with the quote starting it, 'We are all of one race, the Human race,' and that is so true. I cannot understand why people don't see that. Well done, Diane, I enjoyed your story very much. :)) Sandra x
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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That was a really good conversation with your daughter, and I liked what you did when you were a student and that is fizzled out to become a friendship. Most of us have friends of different cultures and colours, but again, most of us only see the person, not the colour. Why should it matter? I read Roy's poem just now with the quote starting it, 'We are all of one race, the Human race,' and that is so true. I cannot understand why people don't see that. Well done, Diane, I enjoyed your story very much. :)) Sandra x
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Sandra!
Glad you enjoyed!
diane
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoyed reading this. What a creative way to tell your story by the interaction with your son. This is one of the best stories I've read about what is going on with race relations. I think what happened in Atlanta night before last had to with that black man how fell asleep at Windy's being terrified about having to go to jail. This is so sad that the black race have been treated so terribly they live in fear. This fact that he was killed prove that he had ever reason to be afraid.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I really enjoyed reading this. What a creative way to tell your story by the interaction with your son. This is one of the best stories I've read about what is going on with race relations. I think what happened in Atlanta night before last had to with that black man how fell asleep at Windy's being terrified about having to go to jail. This is so sad that the black race have been treated so terribly they live in fear. This fact that he was killed prove that he had ever reason to be afraid.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Hello Beth!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and complimentary review.
So very pleased my words resonated with your.
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Debbie Pope
You go, girl! What a great story, and it's timely and thought provoking. The dialogue format was a perfect choice. There needs to be more dialogue between blacks and whites right now in order to develop a mutual respect for each other--very much like your dialogue with Charlene that led to respect and friendship.
What are you going to do with all these $100 winnings that you are raking in. This one is definitely another winner.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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You go, girl! What a great story, and it's timely and thought provoking. The dialogue format was a perfect choice. There needs to be more dialogue between blacks and whites right now in order to develop a mutual respect for each other--very much like your dialogue with Charlene that led to respect and friendship.
What are you going to do with all these $100 winnings that you are raking in. This one is definitely another winner.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Debbie, for your exceptional rating and complimentary review.
I originally had entered this offering in the "Dialogue Only" contest, but wrote to Tom last evening and requested that he remove it as there is too much narration and not exactly all pure dialogue when I am talking to my son about the incident with Charlene...
So...no contest, but I enjoyed penning this piece...
Thank you so much!
Off to the gardens soon!
So beautiful here today!
diane
Comment from RodG
I think readers are going to really like this exchange between a mother and her son because (1) it explores the racial issues in America in a clear, intelligent manner, (2) the classroom incident between Mama and Charlene is one so many of us can relate to, and (3) because Mama is revealed to be a smart, courageous woman who is able to articulate in a manner her son can understand. Rod
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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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I think readers are going to really like this exchange between a mother and her son because (1) it explores the racial issues in America in a clear, intelligent manner, (2) the classroom incident between Mama and Charlene is one so many of us can relate to, and (3) because Mama is revealed to be a smart, courageous woman who is able to articulate in a manner her son can understand. Rod
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Thank you ever so much, Rod!
The incident between Charlene and me is one that was quite startling for my nineteen-year-old self to absorb.
Just hope the conversation with my son did, indeed, help.
Thank you so much for you excellent rating and thoughtful review.
diane
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Diane,
A terrific bio story you shared with your son. But, honestly feel free to wear the matching beads and shoes outfit. You are mature enough now to disregard the advice of a younger person, even it is your family. Besides, green may match or complement your eye color. LOL
Mark
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Diane,
A terrific bio story you shared with your son. But, honestly feel free to wear the matching beads and shoes outfit. You are mature enough now to disregard the advice of a younger person, even it is your family. Besides, green may match or complement your eye color. LOL
Mark
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2020
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Hah!
Thanks, Mark!
Glad you enjoyed.
As for the necklace... No... it's not part of my collection anymore! :)
Thanks again!
diane
