I've Lost My Mind
Lost Flash Fiction contest entry4 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your setting is appropriate. The plot is familiar to the reader. This will draw the reader in to identify with the character's dilemma and confusion. I think we've all had moments like this. Well written.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Your setting is appropriate. The plot is familiar to the reader. This will draw the reader in to identify with the character's dilemma and confusion. I think we've all had moments like this. Well written.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
It's great that this guy, lost as he is, finds a happy ending. The lost part is clear, lots of examples, but the found part is sudden. Life is like that. Sudden.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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It's great that this guy, lost as he is, finds a happy ending. The lost part is clear, lots of examples, but the found part is sudden. Life is like that. Sudden.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Awww, what a sweet story! There are a lot of people who can relate to that feeling of being alone and different. I like the way you had the brother come in and, not chastise his little brother, but tell him that he fought to let him and others like him, be free to live their lives.
Great message, good story.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Awww, what a sweet story! There are a lot of people who can relate to that feeling of being alone and different. I like the way you had the brother come in and, not chastise his little brother, but tell him that he fought to let him and others like him, be free to live their lives.
Great message, good story.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
You know, I've never thought about it like that before. A man goes off to war to defend and protect all our freedoms - to make SURE we can all go after all we want in this life. I can see how those soldiers might feel frustrated when they see folks who don't go out and fulfill their goals in life - how they could be like -- Go on! We did this for YOU!
I just never considered it from that angle before. That's really cool.
Okay - now your story. This was a neat concept - but you need some editing. It really kinda looks like this may have been your first draft..?? Like you wrote the story for the contest and popped it up really quick but then didn't take the time to go back through it reaaallly slowly to catch the nits. I've made some notes for you in the hopes of helping a bit, but remember that writing the piece is only the first part. The EDITING is the most important part of any piece. ALWAYS. *smile* It may seem like the yucky part, butyou'll come to appreciate and enjoy it, even. I promise.
Notes:
1.) I think that this is why I feel space(d) out.
2.) I have failed the physical driving test.
--> delete 'have'
3.) The (D)river's Ed teacher gave me an F (and) kicked me out of the class.
4.) (What) should I do? Be happy,
5.) These things take time(," h)e told me.
6.) everyone here, to have joy (in) your life(,)" Earl explained.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
You know, I've never thought about it like that before. A man goes off to war to defend and protect all our freedoms - to make SURE we can all go after all we want in this life. I can see how those soldiers might feel frustrated when they see folks who don't go out and fulfill their goals in life - how they could be like -- Go on! We did this for YOU!
I just never considered it from that angle before. That's really cool.
Okay - now your story. This was a neat concept - but you need some editing. It really kinda looks like this may have been your first draft..?? Like you wrote the story for the contest and popped it up really quick but then didn't take the time to go back through it reaaallly slowly to catch the nits. I've made some notes for you in the hopes of helping a bit, but remember that writing the piece is only the first part. The EDITING is the most important part of any piece. ALWAYS. *smile* It may seem like the yucky part, butyou'll come to appreciate and enjoy it, even. I promise.
Notes:
1.) I think that this is why I feel space(d) out.
2.) I have failed the physical driving test.
--> delete 'have'
3.) The (D)river's Ed teacher gave me an F (and) kicked me out of the class.
4.) (What) should I do? Be happy,
5.) These things take time(," h)e told me.
6.) everyone here, to have joy (in) your life(,)" Earl explained.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Thanks! I have corrected all the mistakes. You can check it again. I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
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Thanks! :)
