Ode to a Jar of Peanut Butter
Addicted to its crunchy taste...18 total reviews
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your ode is excellent--a pleasant blend of down-to-earth and lofty language. Your appealing, vividly descriptive lines have made your peanut butter sound more desirable than a steak dinner, and I love steak! :-)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Your ode is excellent--a pleasant blend of down-to-earth and lofty language. Your appealing, vividly descriptive lines have made your peanut butter sound more desirable than a steak dinner, and I love steak! :-)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your fun review comments.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Cute poem for the Ode poem contest;-)
I love the imagery and the well thought out creativity of the peanut butter in your piece!
Good luck in the contest;-)
Thank you so much for sharing;-)
May God bless you and your family;-)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Cute poem for the Ode poem contest;-)
I love the imagery and the well thought out creativity of the peanut butter in your piece!
Good luck in the contest;-)
Thank you so much for sharing;-)
May God bless you and your family;-)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your supportive comments.
Comment from zanya
Who wouldn't love this Ode to this special treat for all the world 'Peanut Butter'- rhymes beautifully - can almost feel the distinctive flavour as I read on down -thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Who wouldn't love this Ode to this special treat for all the world 'Peanut Butter'- rhymes beautifully - can almost feel the distinctive flavour as I read on down -thanks for sharing
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your fun contest entry, Mystery Author. You handled the prompt well. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and a great story filled with much imagery. I can see you eating the peanut butter using your fingers. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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I enjoyed your fun contest entry, Mystery Author. You handled the prompt well. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and a great story filled with much imagery. I can see you eating the peanut butter using your fingers. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from RodG
When I was a kid, I was addicted to peanut butter and ate it jright out of the jar like the Speaker here--with my gooey finger. Your stanzas--except for the last--have AABB rhyming. You might want to tweak the last one for consistency.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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When I was a kid, I was addicted to peanut butter and ate it jright out of the jar like the Speaker here--with my gooey finger. Your stanzas--except for the last--have AABB rhyming. You might want to tweak the last one for consistency.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Licking a gooey finger is a treat in these days of super-hygiene.
I take your point about consistency in the poem (it's a bit like peanut butter itself - in this case, smooth would be better) so i have amended and re-ordered the stanzas.
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Much better. I like how the poem ends with the Speaker knowing what will result from her addiction. See new rating.
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Thanks for your generosity; I appreciate your input to make it a better poem.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mystery Poet
I enjoyed you ode to Peanut Butter. Good Luck in the contest!
I wonder why you changed the rhyme scheme in the last verse? I suggest you stick with it. I don't think it works.
Maybe,
(I love you true, I really do -
jam's too sweet, I won't pursue.)
But you can do better than that.
(You are best value for my buck.
You'll never hear me holler "Yuck!" )
But overall, you do justice for your jar of peanut butter. Your poem shows a definite attachment... love, if you will. And there's the humor. I love to find it in a Fanstory poem.
In these days of Covid-19, though, perhaps you shouldn't double dip!
My favorite verse,
"I swirl a scoop of brown delight;
addicted, yes, that is my plight.
Peanut Butter is on my lips,
and then it goes straight to my hips."
And I like the alliteration in these lines,
"This jar with me is mine, mine, mine!"
and,
"some nuts to nibble for my lunch."
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Hi Mystery Poet
I enjoyed you ode to Peanut Butter. Good Luck in the contest!
I wonder why you changed the rhyme scheme in the last verse? I suggest you stick with it. I don't think it works.
Maybe,
(I love you true, I really do -
jam's too sweet, I won't pursue.)
But you can do better than that.
(You are best value for my buck.
You'll never hear me holler "Yuck!" )
But overall, you do justice for your jar of peanut butter. Your poem shows a definite attachment... love, if you will. And there's the humor. I love to find it in a Fanstory poem.
In these days of Covid-19, though, perhaps you shouldn't double dip!
My favorite verse,
"I swirl a scoop of brown delight;
addicted, yes, that is my plight.
Peanut Butter is on my lips,
and then it goes straight to my hips."
And I like the alliteration in these lines,
"This jar with me is mine, mine, mine!"
and,
"some nuts to nibble for my lunch."
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your input, Kimbob. I appreciate your thorough review. (I'm allowed to 'double-dip' because no one else is sharing my jar.)
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Crunchy peanut butter makes a great cookie!
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Yummy!
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I love dipping a spoon into a jar of peanut butter, it's a bad habit, I know, but I can't resist it. I enjoyed reading this piece and I thought it was well written and your writing flowed well. Good luck in the contest!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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I love dipping a spoon into a jar of peanut butter, it's a bad habit, I know, but I can't resist it. I enjoyed reading this piece and I thought it was well written and your writing flowed well. Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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My habit is worse than yours - I don't use a spoon, just my finger (luckily I have my own jar.)
Thanks for your positive comments about my poem.
Comment from humpwhistle
Not to be pedantic here, but I think this is an ode to peanut butter itself--not the jar--as the title would suggest. I know I may be picking nits, but precision is an important aspect of writing--even about peanut butter.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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Not to be pedantic here, but I think this is an ode to peanut butter itself--not the jar--as the title would suggest. I know I may be picking nits, but precision is an important aspect of writing--even about peanut butter.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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I love the jar too - unscrewing that happy yellow lid, knowing the jar is mine, mine, mine. Of course it isn't an empty jar (not yet, anyway.)
As far as precision is concerned, you have written "Not to be pedantic here..." - yet you have been, hahaha.
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'Jar of peanut butter' makes sense in this context, but 'peanut butter jar' really doesn't. How's that for pedantic?
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Thank you for a much better title!
