Book of Discovery
When all seems lost, a new direction is found...6 total reviews
Comment from gramalot8
We've almost all had the story of the one that got away. I loved your descriptive language of her feelings and longing to meet. And then to discover he felt the same way! Great story... even leaves room for more chapters to see how their romance blossoms. Great story and I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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We've almost all had the story of the one that got away. I loved your descriptive language of her feelings and longing to meet. And then to discover he felt the same way! Great story... even leaves room for more chapters to see how their romance blossoms. Great story and I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you Grama for reading one of my posts and for the very nice review. Things happen the way they are supposed to, and I guess his leaving the box behind was an unconscious (?) oversight. I appreciate the feedback about my language of her feelings, as I am trying. Regardless, he went on to be a famous painter, and her a famous model. They saved money too by sharing an apartment.
Love in all the right places.
Thanks again, the story placed third.
Dick
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You took the reader on an emotional merry-go-round. They were thinking what she was, that she did not interest him. It seems her energy of attraction towared him was felt but both of them were shy or something. The ending was not predictable as you had everyone including resolved that it wasn't mean to be. I am voting for this one. Very clever.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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You took the reader on an emotional merry-go-round. They were thinking what she was, that she did not interest him. It seems her energy of attraction towared him was felt but both of them were shy or something. The ending was not predictable as you had everyone including resolved that it wasn't mean to be. I am voting for this one. Very clever.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you Liz for reading one of my posts and for the very nice review. It is very nice to read your comment about how you didn't see how it was going to end. He went on to be a famous painter, and she a world-class model...or something like that.
Thanks again,
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Comment from Beverly A McBride
Oh, you brought out the romantic in me! I love the lay out of your story. Nicely done. As I read, I got more and more antsy for them to meet. Now I want to hear the rest, eh? Good job!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Oh, you brought out the romantic in me! I love the lay out of your story. Nicely done. As I read, I got more and more antsy for them to meet. Now I want to hear the rest, eh? Good job!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you Beverly for reading one of my posts and for the very nice review. Nice to know you saw the romance in this. The rest is - he went on to be a famous painter, and she became a world-class model. and they had fourteen children.
Many thanks again,
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Comment from Aaron Milavec
I love it! Your story is spellbinding!
I wonder why you didn't write in the first-person. . . .
When writing in first person, it's not just your authorial voice coming out on the page; it's literally your character's voice. Your character is speaking directly to readers to tell their own story. This means they need to have their own distinct voice.
No reader will enjoy a first-person narrative that's essentially a bland, straightforward telling of events. To help readers connect with your character, you need to inject some of their personality and essence into the way you tell their first-person story.
You can develop your character's voice in a number of ways: through language, emotion, worldview... Delve into who they are as a person, and try to let that sing through in the first-person narrative.
Peace,
Aaron
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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I love it! Your story is spellbinding!
I wonder why you didn't write in the first-person. . . .
When writing in first person, it's not just your authorial voice coming out on the page; it's literally your character's voice. Your character is speaking directly to readers to tell their own story. This means they need to have their own distinct voice.
No reader will enjoy a first-person narrative that's essentially a bland, straightforward telling of events. To help readers connect with your character, you need to inject some of their personality and essence into the way you tell their first-person story.
You can develop your character's voice in a number of ways: through language, emotion, worldview... Delve into who they are as a person, and try to let that sing through in the first-person narrative.
Peace,
Aaron
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you Aaron for reading one of my posts and for the very nice review. I really liked that you called it spell-binding, which is a real compliment. I can see your point about writing it in first-person, and appreciate you taking the time to indicate why.
In my novels, I do float from each character's POV, which I think gives the reader more of an idea of what is motivating each, including the antagonist. In some serial-killer mysteries, you don't always know what the bad person is thinking.
Once again, thank you very much for the feedback.
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Enjoyed your detailed response. ~Aaron
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I loved this sotry. I think you did a great jb. I wish I had a 6 to give this one left. Good luck with the contest. This is a good contender for sure.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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I loved this sotry. I think you did a great jb. I wish I had a 6 to give this one left. Good luck with the contest. This is a good contender for sure.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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Thank you Amanda for reading my story and for the very nice review and the want to give it a higher rating. I'll take the fact that you "loved it" as my reward. Sometimes, you write a story to like what you wrote, but the real value comes when it is something other like or love.
Thanks again,
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Comment from lancellot
A well written piece. At first I thought she was a stalker or a crazy person. No, lie, it was creepy. But, then I felt bad for her lack of confidence. The journal left on her doorstep was a good way to get his side in.
Why didn't he introduce himself?
-I laughed out loud when I read this line. Classic.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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A well written piece. At first I thought she was a stalker or a crazy person. No, lie, it was creepy. But, then I felt bad for her lack of confidence. The journal left on her doorstep was a good way to get his side in.
Why didn't he introduce himself?
-I laughed out loud when I read this line. Classic.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020
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Thank you Lancellot for reading another one of my posts and for the very nice review. I appreciate the nice words about the piece. I'm glad I posted this story, because I had two others that I considered.
Thanks again,
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