Rough-Sleeper's Day Ends
A Lune Poem: Layers of pain...34 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This lune poem, Rough Sleeper's Day Ends, has the proper 5-3-5 formatting and finds the homeless individual doing the best possible in this bad situation. The line, "layered coats of pain" is an excellent ending.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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This lune poem, Rough Sleeper's Day Ends, has the proper 5-3-5 formatting and finds the homeless individual doing the best possible in this bad situation. The line, "layered coats of pain" is an excellent ending.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2020
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Hello Bill!
Glad my words resonated with you!
thank you!
diane
Comment from Bichon
A very sad, but unfortunately realistic poem. You really speak about the harm and uncomfortable circumstances that homeless people face in a poetic way. It is absolutely terrible how many homeless people exist around the globe.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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A very sad, but unfortunately realistic poem. You really speak about the harm and uncomfortable circumstances that homeless people face in a poetic way. It is absolutely terrible how many homeless people exist around the globe.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Chloe!
Such a disturbing situation throughout the world...
Thank you!
diane
Comment from June Sargent
I can easily see why this was a contest winner. It is short, but captures a world of pain of those who live on the fringes of society. The forgotten ones who may have lived perfectly "normal" lives, but were hit with circumstances beyond their control. Thank you for reminding us to be more aware and kind.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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I can easily see why this was a contest winner. It is short, but captures a world of pain of those who live on the fringes of society. The forgotten ones who may have lived perfectly "normal" lives, but were hit with circumstances beyond their control. Thank you for reminding us to be more aware and kind.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Thank you, June!
I appreciate your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
Not an easy subject to broach...
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Jesse James Doty
In a few short lines, this is poignant and powerful and well written. Well chosen words, with a good punch in the gut last line from this lune. I can see why you won the lune contest. You used the format very nicely to create a vivid image to go along with the well suited picture. Using the British term for the homeless gives the reader a safer distance in order to feel compassionate and caring. This is a clever way to give the reader the distance they need. Thank you for bringing up a tough subject to sell.
Stay well and take care,
Jesse
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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In a few short lines, this is poignant and powerful and well written. Well chosen words, with a good punch in the gut last line from this lune. I can see why you won the lune contest. You used the format very nicely to create a vivid image to go along with the well suited picture. Using the British term for the homeless gives the reader a safer distance in order to feel compassionate and caring. This is a clever way to give the reader the distance they need. Thank you for bringing up a tough subject to sell.
Stay well and take care,
Jesse
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Jesse!
Forget the poem for a moment; so good to hear from you! Hoping you are home and feeling "chipper!" And if you are not home yet, I am praying that you are becoming stronger every day!
Now... to the poem:
What a thoughtful review you have penned! I am honored by your exceptional rating and your analysis of my choosing "Rough-Sleepers" as opposed to "Homeless."
So very pleased my words resonated with you and you appreciated the message despite it being a "tough subject to sell," which it definitely is - sadly, throughout the world...
Take care as well!
diane
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Hello Diane.
I'm not home yet, but I am getting stronger and more independent by the day. I'm glad you liked my review. Your poem is exceptional and deserved the rating as such. It feels good to communicate with you again. Keep writing the tough sells, along with the lovely other types you pen.
Have a great rest of your week.
Take care,
Jesse
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Will do both, Jesse!
I have a few "ready to roll," but I don't like to post too frequently or too many; folks will get bored or annoyed! :)
Sending positive and healing thoughts your way!
diane
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I'm happy to hear you're prolific with your work.
Thank you for the wonderful healing and positive thoughts.
Jesse
Comment from kahpot
What a wonderful lune poem and read, the words alone gives the image of many rough sleepers who have occupied that bench, very well presented and a worthy winner****kahpot
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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What a wonderful lune poem and read, the words alone gives the image of many rough sleepers who have occupied that bench, very well presented and a worthy winner****kahpot
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Hello kahpot!
So very pleased my few words resonated with you!
Thank you!
diane
Comment from royowen
We had a TV program that took rich, comfortably off, successful volunteers out onto the streets without money, having to fend for themselves and sleeping rough, they developed an empathy very quickly. Beautifully written Diane, blessing, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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We had a TV program that took rich, comfortably off, successful volunteers out onto the streets without money, having to fend for themselves and sleeping rough, they developed an empathy very quickly. Beautifully written Diane, blessing, Roy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Hello Roy,
I did similar role-playing when in college - 45 years ago... sociology major...
Empathy? Absolutely!
And yes, we were naive enough to think that homelessness would soon disappear...
Thank you!
diane
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Nah, they are normal people out of luck, we?re not far.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Congratulations, Diane, a well-deserved win. I find it so sad that we are seeing so many homeless people in our towns now. It's not right. During the lockdown, the homeless people were put into the empty hotels, so they would be off the streets. I'm wondering how the, 'powers that be', will have the gumption to turn these poor people out on the streets again now that lockdown is coming to an end. It will be so much harder this time to live in shop doorways and on park benches. You have hit on a powerful subject, my friend. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Congratulations, Diane, a well-deserved win. I find it so sad that we are seeing so many homeless people in our towns now. It's not right. During the lockdown, the homeless people were put into the empty hotels, so they would be off the streets. I'm wondering how the, 'powers that be', will have the gumption to turn these poor people out on the streets again now that lockdown is coming to an end. It will be so much harder this time to live in shop doorways and on park benches. You have hit on a powerful subject, my friend. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Sandra...
Such a disconcerting topic and situation...
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Layered of coats pain- this is quite an image of what humanity has become. Life goes on ignoring the poor. Thank you for sharing and congrats on the win.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Layered of coats pain- this is quite an image of what humanity has become. Life goes on ignoring the poor. Thank you for sharing and congrats on the win.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Iza!
Such a distressing situation - not only in America but worldwide!
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Mastery
Good job on a sad situation, Diane.
It really is a sad sight particularly in our big cities, like New York where I am from originally.
Have you ever been to such a big city?
Anyway, you have such a great satori or last line in this poem. Clever and brilliant:
"layered coats of pain..."
I wish I had a six left, my friend. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Good job on a sad situation, Diane.
It really is a sad sight particularly in our big cities, like New York where I am from originally.
Have you ever been to such a big city?
Anyway, you have such a great satori or last line in this poem. Clever and brilliant:
"layered coats of pain..."
I wish I had a six left, my friend. : ) Bob
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Hello Bob!
So pleased my words resonated with you.
Yes: Chicago, Denver, Santa Cruz, Paris, Domican Republic, Puerto Vallarta...far too many...
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Boogienights
Wow, this made an impact on me, both your words and the picture. I feel for the homeless and thier plight, wish there was a solution. Thank you for your notes.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Wow, this made an impact on me, both your words and the picture. I feel for the homeless and thier plight, wish there was a solution. Thank you for your notes.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Hello Boogienights!
So pleased my words resonated with you!
I wish there was a solution as well... or at least empathy and proactive programs...
Thank you again!
diane
