Switched or Not
Two best friends are in bad wreck.9 total reviews
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
Wow! I was already "in" when the identity of the friend was switched, but blown away when the doctors did cosmetic surgery to match the wrong ID! The only thing that bothered me was Brooke's lack of concern for her real parents. "Fate had twisted my life from one of being poor and unpopular to one of beauty, wealth and a gorgeous boyfriend." I lost my empathy for Brooke then because she suddenly seemed shallow and manipulative.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Wow! I was already "in" when the identity of the friend was switched, but blown away when the doctors did cosmetic surgery to match the wrong ID! The only thing that bothered me was Brooke's lack of concern for her real parents. "Fate had twisted my life from one of being poor and unpopular to one of beauty, wealth and a gorgeous boyfriend." I lost my empathy for Brooke then because she suddenly seemed shallow and manipulative.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you. I thought of that after I submitted the story. I think I might rewrite this story and have beef with just a dad who is a drunk and abusive.
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That could work!
Comment from Beverly A McBride
Wow what a story. I can't imagine living secretly someone else's life. There's a lot to unpack in this story, and lots to think about. Good job. Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Wow what a story. I can't imagine living secretly someone else's life. There's a lot to unpack in this story, and lots to think about. Good job. Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Mia Twysted
This is my favorite piece out of all the entries. I like how she got what she had been wanting. A simple mistake lead to a new life for her, but what of the parents she had before I feel she didn't have a connection with them if she could so easily leave them nd her other world behind. But I understand why she would just take the lie that was now so hers to live.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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This is my favorite piece out of all the entries. I like how she got what she had been wanting. A simple mistake lead to a new life for her, but what of the parents she had before I feel she didn't have a connection with them if she could so easily leave them nd her other world behind. But I understand why she would just take the lie that was now so hers to live.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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I thought about the parent thing after I submitted the story. I think I might rewrite this story with her having a drunk dad who is abusive. Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry, Mystery Writer. Your lines flow smoothly with good imagery. I could see everything unfold as I read. The scenario is well paced, too.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest or File 13:
As the driver took off to the hospital. ( hospital, she . . .) She worked fast as she asked me a dozen questions that I could
Before I could get my voice to work (, after work)I passed out from all ( delete all ) the pain.
When I woke up in my hospital room, Sandra's parents were by my bed on one side ( comma after side ) and Hugh Jamison, Mr. Good looking himself ( comma after himself ( maybe capitalize looking himself) ) was on the other side of the bed holding my hand.
Everyone in the room looked puzzled, the doctor had joined us by now ( now. ) and ( delete and He began . . ) he began to explain about head injuries and how they can cause confusion.
that I had to have extensive reconstructive and cosmetic surgery on my face/ (face. not /) she (She explained . . .)explained that the doctor used the I.d. Picture ( no capital ) they found near me after the wreck to reconstruct my face.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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You did a good job with your contest entry, Mystery Writer. Your lines flow smoothly with good imagery. I could see everything unfold as I read. The scenario is well paced, too.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest or File 13:
As the driver took off to the hospital. ( hospital, she . . .) She worked fast as she asked me a dozen questions that I could
Before I could get my voice to work (, after work)I passed out from all ( delete all ) the pain.
When I woke up in my hospital room, Sandra's parents were by my bed on one side ( comma after side ) and Hugh Jamison, Mr. Good looking himself ( comma after himself ( maybe capitalize looking himself) ) was on the other side of the bed holding my hand.
Everyone in the room looked puzzled, the doctor had joined us by now ( now. ) and ( delete and He began . . ) he began to explain about head injuries and how they can cause confusion.
that I had to have extensive reconstructive and cosmetic surgery on my face/ (face. not /) she (She explained . . .)explained that the doctor used the I.d. Picture ( no capital ) they found near me after the wreck to reconstruct my face.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you for giving a thorough and helpful critique. I appreciate your time in helping me improve my writing.
Comment from mermaids
This is awesome, a clever and creative tale of switching identities. Your story held my interest and you surprised me at the end, when the girl decided to keep the new identity. Excellent writing, I see no need for changes.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This is awesome, a clever and creative tale of switching identities. Your story held my interest and you surprised me at the end, when the girl decided to keep the new identity. Excellent writing, I see no need for changes.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from RodG
This story seems absolutely plausible! You set the scene extremely well by describing the narrator as a car crash victim being taken to the hospital. We learn gradually about WHY she is not immediately recognizable and then the backstory explains why she would prefer to become Sandra. I especially like the scene where she sees her new self in the mirror after the surgery has been performed. Rod
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This story seems absolutely plausible! You set the scene extremely well by describing the narrator as a car crash victim being taken to the hospital. We learn gradually about WHY she is not immediately recognizable and then the backstory explains why she would prefer to become Sandra. I especially like the scene where she sees her new self in the mirror after the surgery has been performed. Rod
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your kind review!
Comment from LisaMay
This is a terrific story - well written in its gripping drama and suspense. I hope her new life makes up for the fact that she's left her parents devastated by her 'death'.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This is a terrific story - well written in its gripping drama and suspense. I hope her new life makes up for the fact that she's left her parents devastated by her 'death'.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typos: felt ever jerk s/b every; nurses were waiting (OMIT to my) to take) Quite a story--I read a book of a real-life such case--the mistake was discovered months later when the survivor emerged form her coma--meantime the "wrong" girl buried. Here's a article on the case--you can't click from here--you'll have to type. Cheers. LIZ
https://www.14news.com/story/4970780/crews-remove-wrong-victim-from-grave/
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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(typos: felt ever jerk s/b every; nurses were waiting (OMIT to my) to take) Quite a story--I read a book of a real-life such case--the mistake was discovered months later when the survivor emerged form her coma--meantime the "wrong" girl buried. Here's a article on the case--you can't click from here--you'll have to type. Cheers. LIZ
https://www.14news.com/story/4970780/crews-remove-wrong-victim-from-grave/
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is a creative take on the prompt. I love how you grabbed us from the opening paragraph. I was wondering what was going on and I like how you let us into the facts slowly and through a tight viewpoint. Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This is a creative take on the prompt. I love how you grabbed us from the opening paragraph. I was wondering what was going on and I like how you let us into the facts slowly and through a tight viewpoint. Excellent writing.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your kind review.
