Mysteries Of The Deep
Its secrets it will keep22 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Boogienights I really like how you with your rhyming words, tells us about the mysteries of the deep and how you with your noticeable words how its secrets
will keep--
Lost in a place that has no memory,
protected through the ages, safe and sound.
Gert
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Boogienights I really like how you with your rhyming words, tells us about the mysteries of the deep and how you with your noticeable words how its secrets
will keep--
Lost in a place that has no memory,
protected through the ages, safe and sound.
Gert
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you for this great review and the 6 stars, it's always wonderful to hear from you. :)
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hello boogienights and thank you for joining the contest! I read your entry yesterday but ran out of time for a review, so here I am again. I see two reviewers suggested two lines be slightly altered to fix the meter and I fully agree. I'm going to make a few suggestions for you and, as always, I will leave up to you if you want to make changes. First I'd like to say your rhymes are solid and the structure of your sonnet is excellent. The first word of your sonnet throws the meter off because the word"mysteries" starts with the emphasis on the first syllable. I suggest you start off with something like "The secrets of the sea have lingered long" great alliteration in "lingered long" then add in secret/seas and you'd be on meter and off to a flying start. Line 3 - I suggest "sing" instead of "sang". Line 5 starts with a stressed syllable too "seafarer" but I can't come up with a viable alternative at the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
Rodger
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Hello boogienights and thank you for joining the contest! I read your entry yesterday but ran out of time for a review, so here I am again. I see two reviewers suggested two lines be slightly altered to fix the meter and I fully agree. I'm going to make a few suggestions for you and, as always, I will leave up to you if you want to make changes. First I'd like to say your rhymes are solid and the structure of your sonnet is excellent. The first word of your sonnet throws the meter off because the word"mysteries" starts with the emphasis on the first syllable. I suggest you start off with something like "The secrets of the sea have lingered long" great alliteration in "lingered long" then add in secret/seas and you'd be on meter and off to a flying start. Line 3 - I suggest "sing" instead of "sang". Line 5 starts with a stressed syllable too "seafarer" but I can't come up with a viable alternative at the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
Rodger
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your excellent suggestions, this is how I learn. I made some changes and really feel my poem has improved. If it does well, I'll have you and the others who helped me to thank. Much appreciated. :)
Comment from mermaids
Love this sonnet of the sea. I can see the ghosts of sailors and mermaids swimming about the wreck. You have a smooth poetic form and flow of lines and verses. I enjoyed reading your poem about the sea, a treat for me.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Love this sonnet of the sea. I can see the ghosts of sailors and mermaids swimming about the wreck. You have a smooth poetic form and flow of lines and verses. I enjoyed reading your poem about the sea, a treat for me.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your kind words and lovely review. :)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
To say I like any special part of this poem is something I couldn't do. I like every stanza and the couplet. It is indeed well written and tells the story of ships lost at sea. The picture is perfect. Lovely presentation. I love all poems about the sea. Well done my friend..Nancy:)
(I would have written, beneath the sea, instead of, under the sea.)
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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To say I like any special part of this poem is something I couldn't do. I like every stanza and the couplet. It is indeed well written and tells the story of ships lost at sea. The picture is perfect. Lovely presentation. I love all poems about the sea. Well done my friend..Nancy:)
(I would have written, beneath the sea, instead of, under the sea.)
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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thank you so much for helping me improve my poem. I have changed it to beneath. :)
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Glad I didn't insult you with the suggestion. LOL You are welcome. What is your name? I don't know what to call you but friend. Nancy:)
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My name is Sharon. When I signed up for FanStory, the movie Boogienights was on the television..hence, my FanStory name...lol. :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written English sonnet of the sea and the many treasures lying on the bottom where no one can easily find them. The sirens lure the sailors to their death where they guard the ships on the bottom of the ocean.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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A very well-written English sonnet of the sea and the many treasures lying on the bottom where no one can easily find them. The sirens lure the sailors to their death where they guard the ships on the bottom of the ocean.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you for reading my poem. It's always a pleasure to hear from you. :)
Comment from AprilViolet
Love love love this sonnet! You definitely have a way with words and there were aspects of the poem that give me chills. In a good way! Six stars!!!!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Love love love this sonnet! You definitely have a way with words and there were aspects of the poem that give me chills. In a good way! Six stars!!!!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you for this lovely 6 star review. :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed the sentiments of the sea here in your sonnet, a gentle place where there is much life.
Line four is not in meter, so I suggest:
"and lure forgotten sailors to their graves"
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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I enjoyed the sentiments of the sea here in your sonnet, a gentle place where there is much life.
Line four is not in meter, so I suggest:
"and lure forgotten sailors to their graves"
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thanks for reading and for your help. I changed it...much appreciated.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is an easy to read, easy to understand poem entry for the English Sonnet of the Sea contest. It should do well. I wish you the best of luck!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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This is an easy to read, easy to understand poem entry for the English Sonnet of the Sea contest. It should do well. I wish you the best of luck!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you for this nice review and for taking time to read my poem.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
A well-written Sonnet with so much thought to the history of the sea. This is a good entry and should rate highly.
"Seafaring vessels lost, are cradled there,
a ghostly crew of sailors walk the decks.
nor of the part they played in epic wrecks." This is a sage stanza.
Ralf
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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A well-written Sonnet with so much thought to the history of the sea. This is a good entry and should rate highly.
"Seafaring vessels lost, are cradled there,
a ghostly crew of sailors walk the decks.
nor of the part they played in epic wrecks." This is a sage stanza.
Ralf
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your kind words and this great review. :)
Comment from zanya
This is a superb Sonnet of the sea with that wistful air of mystique that lingers around the seas great depths -'ghostly crew of sailors walk the decks'-
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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This is a superb Sonnet of the sea with that wistful air of mystique that lingers around the seas great depths -'ghostly crew of sailors walk the decks'-
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you, I'm so happy you liked it. I appreciate this wonderful 6 star review. :)
