The Guardian
flight or fight7 total reviews
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a horror deluxe entry for the Thriller or Horror writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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This is a horror deluxe entry for the Thriller or Horror writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of good luck!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much and so sorry for my delay
Comment from Jasmine Girl
You did a good job, keeping me interested in reading more. You have a good sense of humor in some very scary situation. The first sentence is funny right away. I also like the last paragraph. What an accurate portrait of our modern life, "die eating".
Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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You did a good job, keeping me interested in reading more. You have a good sense of humor in some very scary situation. The first sentence is funny right away. I also like the last paragraph. What an accurate portrait of our modern life, "die eating".
Well done.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much and so sorry for my delay
Comment from Mia Twysted
Lost in the woods is not often a good place to be, especially if you are alone. I didn't feel scared or tense by the conversation between the lost and the mist. What was the purpose of the mist as it confused me?
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Lost in the woods is not often a good place to be, especially if you are alone. I didn't feel scared or tense by the conversation between the lost and the mist. What was the purpose of the mist as it confused me?
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much and so sorry for my delay
Comment from elchupakabra
I really wanted to be able to give the piece 5 stars but unfortunately, on a purely technical level, the entire thing needs to be re-written and edited from head to toe. Even just the first paragraph;
It all started with 'Hello'. Nightmare in this world often start off as dreams, as the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She was exhausted, was not paying attention and did not recognize the voice. She'd been walking in circles for hours. (switch to past tense as it will be easier to convey your entire story this way)
I still enjoyed the actual content of the piece. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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I really wanted to be able to give the piece 5 stars but unfortunately, on a purely technical level, the entire thing needs to be re-written and edited from head to toe. Even just the first paragraph;
It all started with 'Hello'. Nightmare in this world often start off as dreams, as the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She was exhausted, was not paying attention and did not recognize the voice. She'd been walking in circles for hours. (switch to past tense as it will be easier to convey your entire story this way)
I still enjoyed the actual content of the piece. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your precious feedback and I really appreciate your honesty.
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
A horror story. Well, it is a good attemt to a horror story. Kevin and the faceless guardian really tried to get Nora scared out of her wits, bur couldn't because she is a tremendously coragious woman! That part where she counters all the guardians attempts is more funny than scary! I liked that a lot.
Two slips:
...Oh, yeah, and let's not forget...
...You must use your brains and star(t) running.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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A horror story. Well, it is a good attemt to a horror story. Kevin and the faceless guardian really tried to get Nora scared out of her wits, bur couldn't because she is a tremendously coragious woman! That part where she counters all the guardians attempts is more funny than scary! I liked that a lot.
Two slips:
...Oh, yeah, and let's not forget...
...You must use your brains and star(t) running.
Good luck!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your precious feedback and I really appreciate your honesty.
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You are welcome!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typos: women, I am running out of patioence s/b woman; coward habit, s/b cowardly or coward's; Storm, Asylum s/b lowercase.) Delightfully clever banter--witty and snarky! Well done. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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(typos: women, I am running out of patioence s/b woman; coward habit, s/b cowardly or coward's; Storm, Asylum s/b lowercase.) Delightfully clever banter--witty and snarky! Well done. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your precious feedback and I really appreciate your honesty.
Comment from Mary Furlong
This is pretty good for a genre that's unfamiliar to you. I think, however, that in trying to be mysterious, you ended up being confusion. Even so, when the point of view is Nora's, the story is exciting even if confusing. When you switch to Kevin, it seems to be all talk - background info that doesn't need to be told. This is not my genre either, so take my comments with a grain or two of salt.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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This is pretty good for a genre that's unfamiliar to you. I think, however, that in trying to be mysterious, you ended up being confusion. Even so, when the point of view is Nora's, the story is exciting even if confusing. When you switch to Kevin, it seems to be all talk - background info that doesn't need to be told. This is not my genre either, so take my comments with a grain or two of salt.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your precious feedback and I really appreciate your honesty.
