The Heart Remembers
A Shadorma story in a poem20 total reviews
Comment from equestrik
This is so very sweet. I cannot imagine that we all do not wish for a love like this even in the end, when he obviously still felt that love. I am sorry for the loss here but applaud the love.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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This is so very sweet. I cannot imagine that we all do not wish for a love like this even in the end, when he obviously still felt that love. I am sorry for the loss here but applaud the love.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your empathetic review!
Comment from kiwigirl2821
A fantastic entry into this contest. To begin with I was yeah, yeah, ok, seen this, heard that ... but then I began thinking what this contest and write was about and thought, yeah this meets the criteria. It's a story, quick and easy to read and then the Alzheimer bomb hit and I thought, ok maybe not so pleasant or "nice". The ending of your story with that cheeky little wink and smile again made the first time you told us of the wink, well it made it more ... I'm voting this one! xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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A fantastic entry into this contest. To begin with I was yeah, yeah, ok, seen this, heard that ... but then I began thinking what this contest and write was about and thought, yeah this meets the criteria. It's a story, quick and easy to read and then the Alzheimer bomb hit and I thought, ok maybe not so pleasant or "nice". The ending of your story with that cheeky little wink and smile again made the first time you told us of the wink, well it made it more ... I'm voting this one! xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Thank you for getting what I was aiming for. I appreciate your honest sentiments.
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I voted and remarked. People should read this with a different perspective. I think people read until they get the gist and then either dis it or praise it without actually getting it. Good luck!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
I am unfamiliar with the Shadorma, but you have utilized it to weave a wonderful melody for the touching story here -- you really have the reader 'there' and 'feeling' with your phrasing and rhythm... well done!! ;) Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck! ;)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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I am unfamiliar with the Shadorma, but you have utilized it to weave a wonderful melody for the touching story here -- you really have the reader 'there' and 'feeling' with your phrasing and rhythm... well done!! ;) Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck! ;)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this new format!
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
A beautiful series of shadorma's. For me of particular interest, because I cared for my husband suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for three years and wrote many poems during that period. Only with great love can you do that. It is very hard.
This particular form of poetry is beautifully adapted to describe the love "for better or worse".
Loved it!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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A beautiful series of shadorma's. For me of particular interest, because I cared for my husband suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for three years and wrote many poems during that period. Only with great love can you do that. It is very hard.
This particular form of poetry is beautifully adapted to describe the love "for better or worse".
Loved it!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much!
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Very welcome.
Comment from gramalot8
I loved your storyline in this poem. Great love story that continues on through any and all trials and tribulations. Thank you for sharing this with us and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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I loved your storyline in this poem. Great love story that continues on through any and all trials and tribulations. Thank you for sharing this with us and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Lennie Conrad
This is a tragic yet charming story that successfully circles back to the past in its conclusion. I thought some lines were too on the nose (i.e. "It was Alzheimer's", "Our wedding was beautiful"). I think the poem could be enhanced if these plot points were displayed in less direct language.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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This is a tragic yet charming story that successfully circles back to the past in its conclusion. I thought some lines were too on the nose (i.e. "It was Alzheimer's", "Our wedding was beautiful"). I think the poem could be enhanced if these plot points were displayed in less direct language.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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The constraints of the shadorma format makes it difficult to tell a story and still stay within the prescribed syllable count in each line. It forces one to use simple words. I chose it because it was a challenge. Thanks for reading it.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem about a love that lasts a lifetime and suddenly one got lost inside himself with Alzheimer's.
Typos
dancing n(in) the living room
That(that) last night
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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A very well-written heartfelt poem about a love that lasts a lifetime and suddenly one got lost inside himself with Alzheimer's.
Typos
dancing n(in) the living room
That(that) last night
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
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Thanks for reading and giving me the heads up on the typos - bad eyes and arthritic fingers are not helping!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a beautiful poem, well told through a series of vividly descriptive details. The tone is poignant, for it tells of a wonderful life and love that endured through illness and to the end.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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This is a beautiful poem, well told through a series of vividly descriptive details. The tone is poignant, for it tells of a wonderful life and love that endured through illness and to the end.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you for sharing your encouraging feedback. Always appreciate your input.
Comment from lancellot
That last night? I ask because it is not listed as fiction or nonfiction. The last line sounds life he passed away. This is a story so I guess that is how it ends. Just wondering.
A well crafted and emotional piece.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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That last night? I ask because it is not listed as fiction or nonfiction. The last line sounds life he passed away. This is a story so I guess that is how it ends. Just wondering.
A well crafted and emotional piece.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Yes, he passed away. A story in a poem. Fiction. Sorry that wasn?t clear. Appreciate your thoughts. Thanks for dropping by.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heartbreaking and uplifting--stole his memory not his heart--love the wink theme carried through--a true love story--nice work with the constraints of the form. Cheers. LIZ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Heartbreaking and uplifting--stole his memory not his heart--love the wink theme carried through--a true love story--nice work with the constraints of the form. Cheers. LIZ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you! It was a challenge, but I wanted to try a new format. Appreciate your dropping by to share your thoughts.
