A Soldier's Measure
A tribute to those who gave their all71 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Earl,
A nice entry for the "In Their Memory" contest. We have no idea what the war was like. At least I don't. I was born in 1950, and I haven't had to go to war my whole life. But my father went all the way to Berlin in WWII. And his father was wounded in the chest in WWI. The bullet was so close to his heart that they left it there. He carried it around his whole life. He delivered cannons to the front lines by horses.
I really wish your poem had the same meter in each couplet. You begin so well. I really like,
"Father, brother, son, .... (5 syllables)
Laid to rest in Arlington, ... (7 syllables)
Another line of 5 syllables, and you'd have an excellent entry for a 5-7-5 contest. For example,
father, brother, son,
laid to rest in Arlington,
tucked in tidy rows
***
I also like "Garden of Stone". What a great way to describe a cemetery.
Suggestion,
"Their ages froze,
As they lay row by rows" ... row by row would be the normal way to say it. "row by rows" doesn't sound right. I realize you were trying for the perfect rhyme for "froze".
Also, instead of "ages", how about "spirits"? Age is just a number. But I get what you were going for, that their lives abruptly ended. So take it to that personal level... lives, spirits. You could say something like,
(Their spirits froze,
As they lay in tidy rows)
Another suggestion, You take that same rhyme right into another couplet. It would be better to change every couplet's rhyme. You could say,
(Heroes one and all,
They answered battle's call)
In your final couplet,
"For the freedom they treasure,
They gave their last full measure." ... you write "they", but they fought for us. Also, since you just mentioned "free" in the previous couplet, why not change it up a bit, to liberty? I suggest,
(For liberty we treasure,
They gave their last full measure.)
I hope some of this helps, Earl. You are undoubtedly a patriot.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Hi Earl,
A nice entry for the "In Their Memory" contest. We have no idea what the war was like. At least I don't. I was born in 1950, and I haven't had to go to war my whole life. But my father went all the way to Berlin in WWII. And his father was wounded in the chest in WWI. The bullet was so close to his heart that they left it there. He carried it around his whole life. He delivered cannons to the front lines by horses.
I really wish your poem had the same meter in each couplet. You begin so well. I really like,
"Father, brother, son, .... (5 syllables)
Laid to rest in Arlington, ... (7 syllables)
Another line of 5 syllables, and you'd have an excellent entry for a 5-7-5 contest. For example,
father, brother, son,
laid to rest in Arlington,
tucked in tidy rows
***
I also like "Garden of Stone". What a great way to describe a cemetery.
Suggestion,
"Their ages froze,
As they lay row by rows" ... row by row would be the normal way to say it. "row by rows" doesn't sound right. I realize you were trying for the perfect rhyme for "froze".
Also, instead of "ages", how about "spirits"? Age is just a number. But I get what you were going for, that their lives abruptly ended. So take it to that personal level... lives, spirits. You could say something like,
(Their spirits froze,
As they lay in tidy rows)
Another suggestion, You take that same rhyme right into another couplet. It would be better to change every couplet's rhyme. You could say,
(Heroes one and all,
They answered battle's call)
In your final couplet,
"For the freedom they treasure,
They gave their last full measure." ... you write "they", but they fought for us. Also, since you just mentioned "free" in the previous couplet, why not change it up a bit, to liberty? I suggest,
(For liberty we treasure,
They gave their last full measure.)
I hope some of this helps, Earl. You are undoubtedly a patriot.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Kimbob, I went back and made some changes you suggested. I'm not really a poet I only write them when the mood strikes. Your editing tips really tightened it up and turned it from a good poem to a great poem. I appreciate the six stars and the time you took to read and review my poem.
Earl
Comment from AnnieDawn
I felt the honor in your poem for our men and boys that have fought and died for our freedom. What is going on today in our cities is a disgrace. We need more writing like yours posted for people to read rather than the graffiti that disgraces buildings and streets. Bless you and good job.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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I felt the honor in your poem for our men and boys that have fought and died for our freedom. What is going on today in our cities is a disgrace. We need more writing like yours posted for people to read rather than the graffiti that disgraces buildings and streets. Bless you and good job.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Willie P. Smith
A very well written tribute to our heroes. Some, in this country don't respect the fact that these brave souls are fighting and dying for the freedom they take for granted. Exceptional work and worthy respect.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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A very well written tribute to our heroes. Some, in this country don't respect the fact that these brave souls are fighting and dying for the freedom they take for granted. Exceptional work and worthy respect.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Willie. You honor me with six stars. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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It was a great poem.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Earl, this is one of the finest tributes for our fallen dead that I have ever read.
What resonated most with me, was the rhythm of marching feet establish by the rhyme and meter.
Very fitting for soldiers I think.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Dear Earl, this is one of the finest tributes for our fallen dead that I have ever read.
What resonated most with me, was the rhythm of marching feet establish by the rhyme and meter.
Very fitting for soldiers I think.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. You honor me with six stars. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from mermaids
You have created a poem that pays tribute to our soldiers. You have a strong steady beat and a smooth flow of rhyming words. Your poem says much and reminds the reader who is buried at Arlington.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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You have created a poem that pays tribute to our soldiers. You have a strong steady beat and a smooth flow of rhyming words. Your poem says much and reminds the reader who is buried at Arlington.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I agree with your Memorial Day comment. So many don't realize what they have today is because of the sacrifices our military made in the past and currently continue making. I like the formatting of you entry. The rhymes are strong and the ending is perfect as is the awesome image.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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I agree with your Memorial Day comment. So many don't realize what they have today is because of the sacrifices our military made in the past and currently continue making. I like the formatting of you entry. The rhymes are strong and the ending is perfect as is the awesome image.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Jan. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from godlucifer
when we have a tear we have a tear for those in memories. our tear shed for those soldier's that especially gave their lives. in memory we shed,in memory we tear,and in memory we give our love to all (which is those soldier's). your poem was especially entertaining to read. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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when we have a tear we have a tear for those in memories. our tear shed for those soldier's that especially gave their lives. in memory we shed,in memory we tear,and in memory we give our love to all (which is those soldier's). your poem was especially entertaining to read. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much godlucifer. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
Hello mystery writer. This is an excellent entry for this contest that seems to be a clear winner. The picture accompanying this poem is absolutely perfect. The rhyming is really good and unforced which allows the poem to flow effortlessly. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Hello mystery writer. This is an excellent entry for this contest that seems to be a clear winner. The picture accompanying this poem is absolutely perfect. The rhyming is really good and unforced which allows the poem to flow effortlessly. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I took second place. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from MissMerri
A lovely sentiment outlined in these few lines, and certainly one we should all think about. It is such a brave thing these men and women do, leaving home and going to fight in a foreign country, never knowing what day may be their last. I have greatest respect for all of them. You have done an excellent job with your rhymes. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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A lovely sentiment outlined in these few lines, and certainly one we should all think about. It is such a brave thing these men and women do, leaving home and going to fight in a foreign country, never knowing what day may be their last. I have greatest respect for all of them. You have done an excellent job with your rhymes. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I took second place. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Author of your memory prompt of those who gave us freedom. Of each one buried in the Arlington, cemetery are honored every day, not just memorial day.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Hello Author of your memory prompt of those who gave us freedom. Of each one buried in the Arlington, cemetery are honored every day, not just memorial day.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Gert. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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You are welcome Earl Corp
Gert
