A Soldier's Measure
A tribute to those who gave their all71 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork
and presentation.
-Your note is appreciated.
-A well written poem
honoring those who gave
their all for their country.
-They did give
"their last full measure."
-A good entry; good luck.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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-Very nice artwork
and presentation.
-Your note is appreciated.
-A well written poem
honoring those who gave
their all for their country.
-They did give
"their last full measure."
-A good entry; good luck.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from elchupakabra
I think the piece can be tightened up in terms of rhythm and flow, but other than that small note, I thought it was a nice entry into the 'in their memory' contest. Good work and thanks for sharing, later daze.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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I think the piece can be tightened up in terms of rhythm and flow, but other than that small note, I thought it was a nice entry into the 'in their memory' contest. Good work and thanks for sharing, later daze.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from dragonpoet
The short lines almost sound like marching and enhance the emotion. These words supply good images of the setting and what these men did for their country and its people. NIce choice of artwork
Good luck with the prompt.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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The short lines almost sound like marching and enhance the emotion. These words supply good images of the setting and what these men did for their country and its people. NIce choice of artwork
Good luck with the prompt.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much dragonpoet. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
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Don't mention it.
dp
Comment from Jacob David Collins
We must never forget those who laid down their lives for us so that we can live in freedom. They really are true heroes. A well written piece, I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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We must never forget those who laid down their lives for us so that we can live in freedom. They really are true heroes. A well written piece, I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Yes, of course we should pay respects to those who gave their lives for freedom - your poem reminds us that those cemetery crosses represent men and women who were also sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives.
There are a couple of wee changes I would suggest:
froze --> frozen (although this affects the rhyme)
lay --> lie (to maintain present tense)
Also a tiny quibble about 'gave with pleasure' - just a thought that although these service-men and women serve willingly, it's a little hard to imagine anyone going into battle 'with pleasure.'
Steve
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Yes, of course we should pay respects to those who gave their lives for freedom - your poem reminds us that those cemetery crosses represent men and women who were also sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives.
There are a couple of wee changes I would suggest:
froze --> frozen (although this affects the rhyme)
lay --> lie (to maintain present tense)
Also a tiny quibble about 'gave with pleasure' - just a thought that although these service-men and women serve willingly, it's a little hard to imagine anyone going into battle 'with pleasure.'
Steve
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Steve thank you for your suggestions and reading and reviewing my poem. I got a lot of remarks about the use of pleasure, so I went in and changed it if you?d care to take a look.
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Yes, definite improvement.
Comment from Patty Palmer
Your words brought me to tears as I read your poem. Thinking of every soldier that has been buried there, each one a hero. I love the picture that you chose for your poem.
God bless!
Patty
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Your words brought me to tears as I read your poem. Thinking of every soldier that has been buried there, each one a hero. I love the picture that you chose for your poem.
God bless!
Patty
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Patty. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
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You're welcome!
Patty
Comment from Benshu-bookgai
A heartfelt tribute done in fond, simple language. Very nice :)
The one edit I would recommend is in "their ages are froze". Because it's the only non-rhymed line, the effect is that it brings the flow to a sudden halt (which seems like an intentional choice). That in and of itself is a wonderful idea, to incorporate that natural break in rhythm to serve as an impromptu 'moment of silence'; however, to make it a more natural break I would recommend using the adjective form of froze ("their ages frozen") or--because you have the present-tense 'are'--using the present verb ("their ages are frozen") rather than splicing the present tense 'are' and the past tense 'froze'.
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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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A heartfelt tribute done in fond, simple language. Very nice :)
The one edit I would recommend is in "their ages are froze". Because it's the only non-rhymed line, the effect is that it brings the flow to a sudden halt (which seems like an intentional choice). That in and of itself is a wonderful idea, to incorporate that natural break in rhythm to serve as an impromptu 'moment of silence'; however, to make it a more natural break I would recommend using the adjective form of froze ("their ages frozen") or--because you have the present-tense 'are'--using the present verb ("their ages are frozen") rather than splicing the present tense 'are' and the past tense 'froze'.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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I went back and made a fix, if you?d care to take a look.
Comment from royowen
A beautifully written tribute to those heroes that fell and never returned, and those that fought and were fortunate enough to return, and I'm sure they were grateful. An excellent work, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A beautifully written tribute to those heroes that fell and never returned, and those that fought and were fortunate enough to return, and I'm sure they were grateful. An excellent work, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Roy. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
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Well done
Comment from ESOSTINE
I fell in love with this work written in simple and easy to understand language yet spoke volumes with respect to the sacrifices of our our fallen heroes. The rhythmic flow was equally superb. Thanks for sharing your inspiration and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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I fell in love with this work written in simple and easy to understand language yet spoke volumes with respect to the sacrifices of our our fallen heroes. The rhythmic flow was equally superb. Thanks for sharing your inspiration and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I'm honored you gave me six stars I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A tribute to all soldiers here as they give their lives in battle to save us and ensure our freedom. The fight goes on and lives are lost and we must never forget our brave soldiers, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A tribute to all soldiers here as they give their lives in battle to save us and ensure our freedom. The fight goes on and lives are lost and we must never forget our brave soldiers, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Thank you very muchDolly. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
