A Hopeless Case
A rhymed poem for the contest56 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a fun write Tony, I loved your clever words here and I had the image of this man complete paralytic and slurring his words and I could smell the alcohol and felt the disgust! Great meter and I enjoyed your poem very much, a well deserved sixer coming your way, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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This is a fun write Tony, I loved your clever words here and I had the image of this man complete paralytic and slurring his words and I could smell the alcohol and felt the disgust! Great meter and I enjoyed your poem very much, a well deserved sixer coming your way, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Dolly. Lovely review and six shining stars! I shall have to have a drink to celebrate!
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Cheers!
Comment from equestrik
This is a good write about the horrible effects that alcoholism can leave in someone's life. The shame and drinking become a vicious cycle of guilt and escape.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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This is a good write about the horrible effects that alcoholism can leave in someone's life. The shame and drinking become a vicious cycle of guilt and escape.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your review, Equistrik. You speak truly. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
It took me a while to get into this poem, as it wasn't what I was expecting from the title (I was expecting incompetence/inability to learn). it was once I grasped the handle
aspiring Heaven, caught in Hell,
that I found my way and enjoyed it very much (hence the extra star.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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It took me a while to get into this poem, as it wasn't what I was expecting from the title (I was expecting incompetence/inability to learn). it was once I grasped the handle
aspiring Heaven, caught in Hell,
that I found my way and enjoyed it very much (hence the extra star.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Katherine. I appreciate your kind words and the extra star. Most kind. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Minglement
Interesting entry for the Rhyming Poetry Contest. You used a lot of fifty-cent words, so I'm thinking the loftier 'inebriated'. lol. I'm not familiar with the word asphodel (like our asphalt?). Nice, melodious piece. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Interesting entry for the Rhyming Poetry Contest. You used a lot of fifty-cent words, so I'm thinking the loftier 'inebriated'. lol. I'm not familiar with the word asphodel (like our asphalt?). Nice, melodious piece. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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I think White and Strunk would agree with you! Just a bit of fun, really. Asphodel is a wildflower that features in the Ancient Greek concept of the afterlife. The Elysian Fields were rife with it.
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Ah - thanks for the enlightenment ;) Nice reference.
Comment from gramalot8
Very good rhythm and great rhyming. I hope you do well in the contest.
In my opinion...... in addition to Professor Strunks.... he simply is just plain drunk!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Very good rhythm and great rhyming. I hope you do well in the contest.
In my opinion...... in addition to Professor Strunks.... he simply is just plain drunk!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Gramalot. I appreciate your review and kind words. All good wishes, Tony. Keep well!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and
presentation, Tony.
-A well written poem with
good meter, rhyme, and imagery.
-I think he gets worse as
the poem progresses!
-Very good concluding lines,
and I even know who Professor
Strunk is; I believe he had a
partner named White!
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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-Good artwork and
presentation, Tony.
-A well written poem with
good meter, rhyme, and imagery.
-I think he gets worse as
the poem progresses!
-Very good concluding lines,
and I even know who Professor
Strunk is; I believe he had a
partner named White!
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Pam. I appreciate your review and kind words. I had intended to write a serious poem when I started this, but it degenerated! Spot on with Whunk and Strite! All good wishes, Tony. Keep well!
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You are very welcome, Tony. I don't think you have recovered from the published book yet! Hope it does well. We have our copy.
Comment from Gert sherwood
tfawcus,
Your powerful rhymed poem for the contest Titled
A Hopeless Case. have. I notice have excellent use of words especially -
Circumlocutious balderdash
slips with the slobber from his lips.
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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tfawcus,
Your powerful rhymed poem for the contest Titled
A Hopeless Case. have. I notice have excellent use of words especially -
Circumlocutious balderdash
slips with the slobber from his lips.
Gert
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Gert. I appreciate your review and kind words. All good wishes, Tony. Keep well!
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You are welcome tfawcus
Gert
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A Hopeless Case
by tfawcus
Hello, Tony,
Beautiful presentation and a fine entry for the Rhyming Poetry Contest.
Nice phrasing and vocabulary. Very melodic rhyme. Well done. I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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A Hopeless Case
by tfawcus
Hello, Tony,
Beautiful presentation and a fine entry for the Rhyming Poetry Contest.
Nice phrasing and vocabulary. Very melodic rhyme. Well done. I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, GBR. I appreciate your review and kind words. All good wishes, Tony. Keep well!
Comment from rama devi
Wish I had a six for your finesse with phrasing and the excellent vocabulary choices as well as your keen sense of the music of words, my friend. This is witty and entertaining.
I particularly loved reading this aloud, especially the first line, with F and SPH sounds giving subtle consonance that works in counterpoint with the S and L sounds plus alliterated D in that stanza. I think Heaven and Hell should be capped, since they are used as proper nouns (places).
Favorite rhyme pair:
cognisant/ intoxicant.
So imaginative a slant rhyme!
Loved reading these unique lines aloud:
Circumlocutious balderdash
slips with the slobber from his lips;
his words come tumbling--some are rash,
Cute closing. Drunk, I thunk!
Chuckling,
rd
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Wish I had a six for your finesse with phrasing and the excellent vocabulary choices as well as your keen sense of the music of words, my friend. This is witty and entertaining.
I particularly loved reading this aloud, especially the first line, with F and SPH sounds giving subtle consonance that works in counterpoint with the S and L sounds plus alliterated D in that stanza. I think Heaven and Hell should be capped, since they are used as proper nouns (places).
Favorite rhyme pair:
cognisant/ intoxicant.
So imaginative a slant rhyme!
Loved reading these unique lines aloud:
Circumlocutious balderdash
slips with the slobber from his lips;
his words come tumbling--some are rash,
Cute closing. Drunk, I thunk!
Chuckling,
rd
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, RD. A capital response! LOL
All good wishes. Keep well!
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:-))))
Comment from RShipp
'embodied in alternate space,
his mind no longer cognisant,
he's unaware of his disgrace,
befuddled by intoxicant.'
A great verse!
Best of luck in the Rhyming Poetry Contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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'embodied in alternate space,
his mind no longer cognisant,
he's unaware of his disgrace,
befuddled by intoxicant.'
A great verse!
Best of luck in the Rhyming Poetry Contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks, RShipp. I appreciate your review. All good wishes. Keep well! Tony
