Forks in the Road
A moment in time27 total reviews
Comment from michele will
Excellent use of vocabulary. And descriptive language. I was there at the roadside with you. When it started I thought you were young, too young for a girlfriend. It didn't change anything but was a surprise.
Thanks and great job
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2020
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Excellent use of vocabulary. And descriptive language. I was there at the roadside with you. When it started I thought you were young, too young for a girlfriend. It didn't change anything but was a surprise.
Thanks and great job
Comment Written 10-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Ulla
Yes, I believe that you are right. They learned a lesson and took note of it, and that was a clever move. It must have been scary to believe you were near death and a violent one at such a young age. Your story is very well written. Good luck. Ulla:)))
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Yes, I believe that you are right. They learned a lesson and took note of it, and that was a clever move. It must have been scary to believe you were near death and a violent one at such a young age. Your story is very well written. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Sep-2020
Comment from roof35
This very well written and very disturbing. I hope the man or a passenger were not hurt seriously. Why don't young kids think about that? The damage to the car is bad enough, but what about the people? Anyway, this story is nicely done.
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This very well written and very disturbing. I hope the man or a passenger were not hurt seriously. Why don't young kids think about that? The damage to the car is bad enough, but what about the people? Anyway, this story is nicely done.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2020
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello lancellot,
Nice piece of General Non-Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting the story related to teenagers' student life.
The last but one paragraph is particularly noteworthy.
Best Of Luck!
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Hello lancellot,
Nice piece of General Non-Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting the story related to teenagers' student life.
The last but one paragraph is particularly noteworthy.
Best Of Luck!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2020
Comment from Tpa
I was so mesermeized by your story, especially the ending that he had made something of himself. Indeed, it was a tale of current times and how many who idle moments get them in trouble. You expressed this problem beautifully..
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I was so mesermeized by your story, especially the ending that he had made something of himself. Indeed, it was a tale of current times and how many who idle moments get them in trouble. You expressed this problem beautifully..
Comment Written 08-Sep-2020
Comment from Vanna1
This is a good piece of bad memories. That was scary, glad you smartened up. Kids just don't think, been there too. Good pic to compliment it. Good luck. Thanks for sharing.
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This is a good piece of bad memories. That was scary, glad you smartened up. Kids just don't think, been there too. Good pic to compliment it. Good luck. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2020
Comment from elchupakabra
Well this is weird, I clicked on this by mistake and it opened, I thought I was still blocked from 7 years ago lol.
Anyways, this is a good story, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
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Well this is weird, I clicked on this by mistake and it opened, I thought I was still blocked from 7 years ago lol.
Anyways, this is a good story, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2020
Comment from WalkerMan
Your honestly detailed telling of how this event in your past changed your life for the better rings grippingly true moment by moment, as though the reader were invisibly with you through it all.
Also, I applaud your wise omission of a particular detail that corrupt "news" media always emphasize, as the external appearance of these kids and the driver is irrelevant both to the situation and to the lesson learned by the narrator and Tracy (but apparently not by the other two boys). Though one reviewer complained about your selected illustration, I'm sure the facial expression was sufficient reason for your choice.
In 1967 I was on the receiving end of such a situation, though the damage was less. All that mattered to me at the time was what the two boys had done -- NOT what they looked like. I DID track them down and spoke to the father of one. From his reaction, I knew his son would not get away with it. The father asked me how much I wanted for repairing the damage. I asked for just fifteen dollars (the body shop's estimate), as I knew he'd make those boys work to pay him back. That was satisfaction enough for me. He and I shook hands and parted amicably. (It might have been different in recent years, as too many kids have no such father at home. Could that have been the difference for Ricky and Ty?)
One of the beneficial effects of your determination to improve your life is that you learned to write well. This post is superb.
Here is one suggestion not affecting the rating. For smoother reading, I recommend the following rearrangement of sentence 3 in paragraph 5:
He just stared like he was trying to see in our faces the reason we had done that to him.
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Your honestly detailed telling of how this event in your past changed your life for the better rings grippingly true moment by moment, as though the reader were invisibly with you through it all.
Also, I applaud your wise omission of a particular detail that corrupt "news" media always emphasize, as the external appearance of these kids and the driver is irrelevant both to the situation and to the lesson learned by the narrator and Tracy (but apparently not by the other two boys). Though one reviewer complained about your selected illustration, I'm sure the facial expression was sufficient reason for your choice.
In 1967 I was on the receiving end of such a situation, though the damage was less. All that mattered to me at the time was what the two boys had done -- NOT what they looked like. I DID track them down and spoke to the father of one. From his reaction, I knew his son would not get away with it. The father asked me how much I wanted for repairing the damage. I asked for just fifteen dollars (the body shop's estimate), as I knew he'd make those boys work to pay him back. That was satisfaction enough for me. He and I shook hands and parted amicably. (It might have been different in recent years, as too many kids have no such father at home. Could that have been the difference for Ricky and Ty?)
One of the beneficial effects of your determination to improve your life is that you learned to write well. This post is superb.
Here is one suggestion not affecting the rating. For smoother reading, I recommend the following rearrangement of sentence 3 in paragraph 5:
He just stared like he was trying to see in our faces the reason we had done that to him.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from estory
This story of a child being shaken up into changing his life comes to us here like a nightmare from the past. I like the attention to detail that brings us as the readers right into that moment, standing with you as the brick gets thrown, the windshield shatters, the car crashes and the man gets out and you taunt him and tease him and he fires his gun into the air. We feel all that roiling emotion, all the anger, all the fear, in that pit in your stomach. We understand why it motivated you to break up with these people and make the effort to get a job, an education, and make something concrete out of your life. estory
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This story of a child being shaken up into changing his life comes to us here like a nightmare from the past. I like the attention to detail that brings us as the readers right into that moment, standing with you as the brick gets thrown, the windshield shatters, the car crashes and the man gets out and you taunt him and tease him and he fires his gun into the air. We feel all that roiling emotion, all the anger, all the fear, in that pit in your stomach. We understand why it motivated you to break up with these people and make the effort to get a job, an education, and make something concrete out of your life. estory
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from GESS
Good piece of narrative nonfiction. I felt the need to have more dialog and know more about what the children look like to make them more real.
Since the POV is 1st person, there are sections with many sentences that begin with "I" that would be more interesting for the reader with varying sentence structure.
The last three paragraphs feel rushed in comparison to the care and length spent on the previous scenes; perhaps give them another revision.
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Good piece of narrative nonfiction. I felt the need to have more dialog and know more about what the children look like to make them more real.
Since the POV is 1st person, there are sections with many sentences that begin with "I" that would be more interesting for the reader with varying sentence structure.
The last three paragraphs feel rushed in comparison to the care and length spent on the previous scenes; perhaps give them another revision.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
