senryu (slick surface so smooth)
Watch out for lying worms; appearances can be misleading.16 total reviews
Comment from amada
This is a very well written senryu. Its few lines are short and penetrant, and incisive as well. Your imagery is nice, and then revolting, the skin outside is so smooth, but it core is revolting...So true.
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This is a very well written senryu. Its few lines are short and penetrant, and incisive as well. Your imagery is nice, and then revolting, the skin outside is so smooth, but it core is revolting...So true.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Effective imagery and alliteration.
-I like "temptation's apple" and
the last line, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
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-Good image and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Effective imagery and alliteration.
-I like "temptation's apple" and
the last line, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is in good form, Mystery Author. The syllables are correct per line. I like the alliteration of s. Your image choice is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. You make a valid point and give readers much to think about. That 'slick surface' seems to hide potential disaster inside. I like the reference to the core--the apple and the thoughts/feelings/actions of those at their core.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
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Your contest entry is in good form, Mystery Author. The syllables are correct per line. I like the alliteration of s. Your image choice is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. You make a valid point and give readers much to think about. That 'slick surface' seems to hide potential disaster inside. I like the reference to the core--the apple and the thoughts/feelings/actions of those at their core.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
Comment from Eternal Muse
You bring out well that, while an apple can be impeccable on the outside, it can be rotten inside. And apple is a metaphor for people and relationships. Not all that glitters is gold, the saying goes. You certainly fit volumes of human study in this senryu.
Excellent creative imagery and visuals. I also like your artistic presentation and the artwork.
This should do extremely well in the contest, good luck in the booths.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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You bring out well that, while an apple can be impeccable on the outside, it can be rotten inside. And apple is a metaphor for people and relationships. Not all that glitters is gold, the saying goes. You certainly fit volumes of human study in this senryu.
Excellent creative imagery and visuals. I also like your artistic presentation and the artwork.
This should do extremely well in the contest, good luck in the booths.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
Comment from Gloria ....
An excellent allusion to appearances can be deceiving. It also has double meaning as eating the apple from the tree of knowledge led to knowing these deceits of the eyes.
Very clever and well considered and I wish you great luck in the voting booth.
Gloria
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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An excellent allusion to appearances can be deceiving. It also has double meaning as eating the apple from the tree of knowledge led to knowing these deceits of the eyes.
Very clever and well considered and I wish you great luck in the voting booth.
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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I can always rely on you you to pick up on my double meaning. Some people are oblivious to layered meanings, but you are tuned into them. Thanks Gloria!
