Now I Don't Remember
Loop poem: An old lady's jumbled memories.21 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
You threw me through a loop on this one, Jenny. :) I'm trying to write a link refrain poem right now and it is hard. The repetitions make it sound like I'm too lazy to write my own lines. I wonder if I can do it like you just did it, but the subject will be me. I'm very forgetful. :) This is a very good offering for the Loop poem contest.
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You threw me through a loop on this one, Jenny. :) I'm trying to write a link refrain poem right now and it is hard. The repetitions make it sound like I'm too lazy to write my own lines. I wonder if I can do it like you just did it, but the subject will be me. I'm very forgetful. :) This is a very good offering for the Loop poem contest.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from trimple
Good afternoon, Lisa
I have never tried to write one of these Loop Poems and I imagine most of them would read very forced-- a bit like the Abedarian poems I see here sometimes.
This poem, however, is very well composed and doesn't appear forced at all as you describe the tragedy of living with this wretched dementia.
I can't imagine how terrible though, it must be for those that are left to witness their loves change so drastically..
The circumstances of this particular lady and the effects it must have had on her 2nd husband must have been such a terrible blow for him to think that he wasn't her true love after soo many years together.
So sad
kind regards
tracey
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Good afternoon, Lisa
I have never tried to write one of these Loop Poems and I imagine most of them would read very forced-- a bit like the Abedarian poems I see here sometimes.
This poem, however, is very well composed and doesn't appear forced at all as you describe the tragedy of living with this wretched dementia.
I can't imagine how terrible though, it must be for those that are left to witness their loves change so drastically..
The circumstances of this particular lady and the effects it must have had on her 2nd husband must have been such a terrible blow for him to think that he wasn't her true love after soo many years together.
So sad
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your topic is well-expressed, Lisa. Your loop words fit in nicely to further the story. I like the image you paired with your poem.
May I suggest:
You are missing the rhyme scheme required of abcb
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Your topic is well-expressed, Lisa. Your loop words fit in nicely to further the story. I like the image you paired with your poem.
May I suggest:
You are missing the rhyme scheme required of abcb
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thanks for reviewing and your kind comments.
Just checking: doesn't abcb mean that the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme - which mine do in each stanza? Could you tell me why you think they don't , or what it is that I am missing?
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Please forgive me. I was looking at lines 1 & 3. I apologize.
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Phew! You had me worried I'd done it wrong! I hadn't tried this form.
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My mind took a hike. My brother is dealing with a cancerous brain tumor.
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Tough times for your family. I pray for your comfort. xx
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Well done Lisamay.
Poignant and terribly sad also of memories of people and love disappears in a fog.
You captured the "voice" of the woman perfectly.
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Well done Lisamay.
Poignant and terribly sad also of memories of people and love disappears in a fog.
You captured the "voice" of the woman perfectly.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from Tina Crute
What a genius move, to write about a mind that loops around with words that move the same way. I have learned much from you already and this is another of the lessons, to dig deep and make something valuable out of a form of poetry that can be repetitive and shallow, just so the form is met. This is deep and back and forth and all around. You added dimension to this form. If I had a six...I was very "loose" with them on Sunday I guess..you would get one. You seem to go deep and wide with much of your poetry, allowing me to be challenged to "go big or go home."
I loved this/ My dad has alzheimer's and my step-mom did...long story...but I get the loops:)
Tina
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What a genius move, to write about a mind that loops around with words that move the same way. I have learned much from you already and this is another of the lessons, to dig deep and make something valuable out of a form of poetry that can be repetitive and shallow, just so the form is met. This is deep and back and forth and all around. You added dimension to this form. If I had a six...I was very "loose" with them on Sunday I guess..you would get one. You seem to go deep and wide with much of your poetry, allowing me to be challenged to "go big or go home."
I loved this/ My dad has alzheimer's and my step-mom did...long story...but I get the loops:)
Tina
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from RodG
I am not fond of Loop poems, but you have done exactly what you set out to do, Lisa--describe the jumbled love story of an old woman. And you evoked sympathy for her.
Rod
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I am not fond of Loop poems, but you have done exactly what you set out to do, Lisa--describe the jumbled love story of an old woman. And you evoked sympathy for her.
Rod
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is so sad when our memories fade in old age and we cannot recognise our loved ones, it is frustrating for everyone. Loops are not easy and you managed to tell your story here despite this restriction Lisa, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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It is so sad when our memories fade in old age and we cannot recognise our loved ones, it is frustrating for everyone. Loops are not easy and you managed to tell your story here despite this restriction Lisa, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thanks, Dolly.
My dad didn't know me for the last 3 years he was alive.
Comment from Pantygynt
When I first became aware of loops I went on record as saying that the end of the last line should loop back to the beginning otherwise the poem was not a loop but a chain. I am always pleased to see that done when someone writes a loop poem as here. Yours is the first loop I can recall that has used the form itself to make a coherent statement about the incoherence associated with dementia.
I think this is a perfect balance of form and content.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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When I first became aware of loops I went on record as saying that the end of the last line should loop back to the beginning otherwise the poem was not a loop but a chain. I am always pleased to see that done when someone writes a loop poem as here. Yours is the first loop I can recall that has used the form itself to make a coherent statement about the incoherence associated with dementia.
I think this is a perfect balance of form and content.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Not knowing much about loop poetry I continued the last line back to the first line instinctively because that made sense. Loop means loop.
Thank you for honouring my poem with a 6.
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The concatenation is not in the official definition in Shadow Poetry but for me it stands to reason as you say.
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Isn't concatenation a lovely word!
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:))
Comment from Patty Palmer
I agree with you that loop poems sound repetitive. Sometimes by repeating that last word from the line before and putting it first at the next line makes it confusing. However, yours came out a lot smoother than a lot of loop poems. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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I agree with you that loop poems sound repetitive. Sometimes by repeating that last word from the line before and putting it first at the next line makes it confusing. However, yours came out a lot smoother than a lot of loop poems. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thanks Parry. I don't like reading loop poems so i tried to make mine so it didn't irritate me.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
This is THE one loop poem I've read that is not annoyingly forced--very wise of you to take advantage of the repetition constraint. (I'm sticking to abab) Good luck--this may be a winner. Cheers. LIZ
Congrats on your prize!
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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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This is THE one loop poem I've read that is not annoyingly forced--very wise of you to take advantage of the repetition constraint. (I'm sticking to abab) Good luck--this may be a winner. Cheers. LIZ
Congrats on your prize!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thanks for your supportive comments, Liz.
