Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Betrayal Chapter 3"In the title.
47 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Borras
Hello again! As usual, I loved this chapter. I actually read it a while ago, but didn't have time to leave a review, so I've come back to read it again!
I only noticed one thing, and honestly, it's nothing. There's a spot where you've started a new paragraph, and I'm not sure you need to.
"There was no way he could hide that when they started building.
'I know I should have reported him, but again, I didn't have any evidence to prove they were mine."
I feel like you could keep this as one paragraph. I know the punctuation should tell me otherwise, but I still read that second sentence in Monica's voice before realizing it was actually Tania speaking.
But hey, the fact that I've already given Monica a voice speaks volumes to your character building. Great job!
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Hello again! As usual, I loved this chapter. I actually read it a while ago, but didn't have time to leave a review, so I've come back to read it again!
I only noticed one thing, and honestly, it's nothing. There's a spot where you've started a new paragraph, and I'm not sure you need to.
"There was no way he could hide that when they started building.
'I know I should have reported him, but again, I didn't have any evidence to prove they were mine."
I feel like you could keep this as one paragraph. I know the punctuation should tell me otherwise, but I still read that second sentence in Monica's voice before realizing it was actually Tania speaking.
But hey, the fact that I've already given Monica a voice speaks volumes to your character building. Great job!
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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You do know how to make a person feel good, Jessica, thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad you pointed that sentence out, I have no idea why I split it. I've made the correction on her and in my MS copy. It's so kind of you reading this without the member cents payment. I really do appreciate it. I want to try and sell it, so any nits that you pick up will be so very gratefully received. Not saying it's good enough for the traditional publishers but if I don't try, I'll never know. Sending a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
The drama deepens ....her ex has stolen her other plans, but with no proof they are hers...the plot thickens. It wasn't who taught her, it was who stole from her. on I go! Smiles!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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The drama deepens ....her ex has stolen her other plans, but with no proof they are hers...the plot thickens. It wasn't who taught her, it was who stole from her. on I go! Smiles!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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Thank you again. You must let me know your name. I really am grateful to you for reading this. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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My apologies for not using my name. It's Carol. Thank you for asking! I am pleased that after my return to fanstory we have met. Smiles to you!
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Likewise. Nice to meet you, Carol. :)
Comment from DSchlosser
It's a very nice chapter. Tania seems to have a bit of a temper that flares up suddenly when she encounters stressful situations. I'd be worried about running out of an interview like that if I was meeting with anyone.
Do they call it Chinese take-away in the U.K.? Never heard it said that way before. I always like hearing how different phrases are compared to how us Americans speak, it's very interesting.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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It's a very nice chapter. Tania seems to have a bit of a temper that flares up suddenly when she encounters stressful situations. I'd be worried about running out of an interview like that if I was meeting with anyone.
Do they call it Chinese take-away in the U.K.? Never heard it said that way before. I always like hearing how different phrases are compared to how us Americans speak, it's very interesting.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Yes, Chinese take-away, Indian take-away, and McDonalds! Lol. What do you call them? I'll be catching up with your book now, and everyone elses I've missed. I've got shingles around my waist and it's a killer for pain. It's hangs around for weeks. But I'll get caught up soon. Thank you so much for reading this part. I'll start on yours first. :)) (what do I call you?)
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Take out is what we call it. If it's not oriental in nature, we usually just call it fast food for burgers and tacos.
My mom has had shingles before. It's laid her low in the past, and now she gets the yearly shot to avoid it. I'm worried about getting it myself since I'm getting older. I have no desire to experience something like that.
Sorry, I forgot to address my message. My name is David Schlosser Jr.
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Nice to meet you properly, David. I'll be have the injections once this lot has gone. I do NOT want them again! xxx
Comment from dmt1967
This is another very well written chapter. Is the brother Monica's boyfriend, I wonder? I enjoyed the way the story is unfolding and I liked both the hooks. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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This is another very well written chapter. Is the brother Monica's boyfriend, I wonder? I enjoyed the way the story is unfolding and I liked both the hooks. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Thank you!! Lol, I think we're going to really get to know each other. Can I know your name? If you don't want to, that's fine. I'm wondering if the 1967 in your birth year, if it is, you are exactly 20 younger than me! :( xx
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Jackie. Someone told me not to use my real name as other writers might not take me seriously if they knew a woman wrote the book. I am using my own name to publish lol but that someone said groups like this have a lot of men who think women should only write romance lol. Yes, you are correct, I was born in 1967 lol. I am old. I always wanted to be a writer but, and you must know this lol, was told I needed a proper job. I know I have started late but I am hoping some publisher or Agent will take pity on a poor old girl and give her a chance to fulfill one of her dreams. What do you think? Too much lol.
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Goodness me, Jackie! I'll have no chance. If you think you're old, I must already be dead!!!! LOL I'll be 74 this year. I never mention my age when I send off. Mind you, I've only sent my children's books to a publisher, and they were accepted, but after being with them for 6 years, they've gone out of business now because of Amazon's self publishing. I've used those to publish my last 7 books, four of which were for ages 9 - 90, and my trilogy was more for the older reader, in their 20's to people like us and older. They are doing well on Amazon. I'm not sure what I'll do with this one. But, you are not in the least too old for a publisher to take on.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a well done chapter. You find out how rough it's been for Tanya.
She has a good friend in Monica. I wonder what she will do when she finds out her exboyfriend is Grant's half brother.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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This is a well done chapter. You find out how rough it's been for Tanya.
She has a good friend in Monica. I wonder what she will do when she finds out her exboyfriend is Grant's half brother.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for going back and reading part three, Joan, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Lots start happening now! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You're very welcome, Sandra.
Joan
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello sandramitchell
I read your very well written third Chapter, which drew my interest about the belief not knowing who stole Tania's drawings.
Indeed makes a great unfinished story
I liked how you told us of how angry she got when she found out-her drawings were missing.
Gert
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hello sandramitchell
I read your very well written third Chapter, which drew my interest about the belief not knowing who stole Tania's drawings.
Indeed makes a great unfinished story
I liked how you told us of how angry she got when she found out-her drawings were missing.
Gert
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hello, Gert! Thank you so much for going back and reading this part, Gert, that was so kind of you. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You are welcome sandramitchell
Gert
Comment from JudyE
You've sown a few seeds here for the reader to think about. I'm off to read the next instalment.
Just two suggestions:
What with your thieving toe-rag-ex boyfriend - I think this should be 'toe-rag ex-boyfriend' - hyphens rearranged
He was a liar, and a thief, she couldn't see him taking such a big risk. - period needed after 'thief'
Stay safe
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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You've sown a few seeds here for the reader to think about. I'm off to read the next instalment.
Just two suggestions:
What with your thieving toe-rag-ex boyfriend - I think this should be 'toe-rag ex-boyfriend' - hyphens rearranged
He was a liar, and a thief, she couldn't see him taking such a big risk. - period needed after 'thief'
Stay safe
Judy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Oh, I must be improving, only two edits!! Lol. Thank you so much, my friend. Another wonderful review. You'll definitely be on my Christmas card list!! Thank you, Judy. :)) You stay safe, too. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I like your story and its plot. I will never believe that blueprints can be stolen but your story has proved that blue prints can be stolen by another company. I hope she gets this solved before they try to arrest her for something that never happened.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I like your story and its plot. I will never believe that blueprints can be stolen but your story has proved that blue prints can be stolen by another company. I hope she gets this solved before they try to arrest her for something that never happened.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I think if they are ruthless enough and have enough money, they can get away with anything.
We'll soon discover what catagory Grant is in, and how Tania copes with him, in the next part. Thank you for another lovely review, Rosemary, you have been so kind reading all the back chapters for no reward. I really do appreciate you. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
you must be hating me about now but I still have some niggles about some of this. Your time-travel pieces were so meticulous and planned out, but this feels almost the complete opposite.
Back in her small townhouse, Tania kicked off her shoes and put the plans on the table. She threw her coat on the chair, and collapsed on the sofa, her despair now engulfing her. - where's her portfolio?
I'm not sure it all adds up. Surely at some point prior to the interview, Lorna would have seen some of Tania's plans/drawings of previous projects. Would she have not noticed any similarities?
'Good morning, Mr .... - need closing speech marks here.
Once her tears were under control, Tania sat and told Monica all about her disastrous day. 'I just don't understand why he would think I'd stolen someone else's work.' - surely she must know, she alluded to the fact her work was stolen before, which was why she wouldn't leave them in the first place. Would it not have come up during her goggle search about the company that their other premises had used her plan? Or the half-brother connection?
I know it's probably just me but these thoughts keep nagging away in my head while I'm reading.
'You must be the unluckiest lady on the planet, love. What with your thieving toe-rag-ex boyfriend taking all the credit for your last set of plans; and I've been wondering about those others that went mysteriously missing.'- this is a case in point. Her previous plans were stolen. It makes me think Tania's a complete imbecile.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Hi Sandra,
you must be hating me about now but I still have some niggles about some of this. Your time-travel pieces were so meticulous and planned out, but this feels almost the complete opposite.
Back in her small townhouse, Tania kicked off her shoes and put the plans on the table. She threw her coat on the chair, and collapsed on the sofa, her despair now engulfing her. - where's her portfolio?
I'm not sure it all adds up. Surely at some point prior to the interview, Lorna would have seen some of Tania's plans/drawings of previous projects. Would she have not noticed any similarities?
'Good morning, Mr .... - need closing speech marks here.
Once her tears were under control, Tania sat and told Monica all about her disastrous day. 'I just don't understand why he would think I'd stolen someone else's work.' - surely she must know, she alluded to the fact her work was stolen before, which was why she wouldn't leave them in the first place. Would it not have come up during her goggle search about the company that their other premises had used her plan? Or the half-brother connection?
I know it's probably just me but these thoughts keep nagging away in my head while I'm reading.
'You must be the unluckiest lady on the planet, love. What with your thieving toe-rag-ex boyfriend taking all the credit for your last set of plans; and I've been wondering about those others that went mysteriously missing.'- this is a case in point. Her previous plans were stolen. It makes me think Tania's a complete imbecile.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Hi Gareth. No, I don't hate you, I'll be copying all these three parts (or 4 parts if you read this weeks) over to my MS, and work through the points you've raised. I do agree with most of what you've said, and am kicking myself. I'm checking over part 5 at the moment, I think I'll be doing more than a check, I'll be picking the whole part to pieces reading through your eyes. I am actually very grateful for these reviews. Sometimes we get complacent when others say the story is great, no nits, perfect... etc. But, to have you come in and read through with fresh eyes, and not pulling punches is good. Thanks, G. Warm hugs. (It's nice to see you back... I do mean that!) Sandra xx
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Really pleased it's helpful.
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Yes, very helpful. :)) xx
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is proving to be a very intriguing story. The fact that Grant Blake's half brother has the same plans, doesn't bode well for him. I'm guessing he is Tania's ex boyfriend or a friend of the ex. There is much to look forward to. Good descriptions all around, too.
Ralf
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2020
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This is proving to be a very intriguing story. The fact that Grant Blake's half brother has the same plans, doesn't bode well for him. I'm guessing he is Tania's ex boyfriend or a friend of the ex. There is much to look forward to. Good descriptions all around, too.
Ralf
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much, Ralf, for your lovely review. I'm delighted you are enjoying the plot. More to come today! Have a lovely week, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
