Dementia is a thief. It holds your emotions for ransom and steals your heart.

I have been robbed of a dear friend and the only comfort I've found is that he is still around me while slowly drifting away.

He is and was my best friend all rolled up into one. Sometimes his eyes look straight through me while he casually says "Hello."

Unsure who to trust, his 'brain fog' clouds his thinking so when he listens to his 'so-called friends' they tell him to leave me behind while I am the only one who is advocating for him.

It gets frustrating at times. I worry about his dementia as it progresses sometimes slowly and other times quickly. What will I do when he goes through the anger stage of this disease? How will I cope? And how do I prepare for his leaving altogether as he says he will do one day?

Time moves slowly
Cry myself to sleep
He's losing all his memories
My fears are running deep

When will he notice
That I am no longer there?
Putting myself first now
I've got to self-care.

I realize I have mixed a poem with my prose. This is the best way to emphasize the complexity of my dilemma.

At times I feel poetic and want to shout out to the world. Other times I can only journal and voice my opinions to myself.

My life is uncertain and knowing it will only get worse and one day he may not remember me is crazymaking and hard to deal with and discovering I can see beyond the present doesn't make it any easier.

Taking care of myself and nurturing my spirit with plenty of positive plans for the future is the only way I can cope. Whenever I start to doubt myself I remember to keep my hope alive.