| Humor Non-Fiction posted September 24, 2023 |
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A story about food aversions.
Food?
by Terry Broxson
As a public service, I will offer some sound advice as therapy for an international problem.
Is there some kind of food that you don't eat? Now, I don't mean you don't like to eat.
But rather, you just plain don't eat. Has it been that way your whole life? Do people make fun of you because you don't eat _______?
Do you ever find yourself in a social situation when someone serves_______? And you know there is no way you will eat _______. Does it make you feel awkward?
Has your mother or spouse told people, "Please don't serve _______ to my son/daughter/husband/wife because they don't eat it? But I love_________, so I'll take their portion."
I feel your pain.
If you are one of the people who have experienced this social humiliation. I offer some help by telling my story. The good news is there are no twelve steps involved—only a little understanding.
I know some of the readers will think, what a doofus. Who doesn't like eggs and mushrooms?
Me, that's who.
I don't eat them individually. It would certainly be a nonstarter to fix me a mushroom omelet.
The fact that I do not and never have eaten an egg is pretty easy to understand. My mother had difficulties with being pregnant. She had two miscarriages before I arrived in 1946 as the firstborn. Understandably, she would do whatever it took to protect the little seven-pound, ten-ounce redhead.
My mother said I developed a nasty rash in my second year. The doctor told her I had an egg allergy—apparently, a common condition for babies. But Mother took no chances. She never served me an egg for the rest of her life.
No one else ever served me an egg, either. It would not have mattered if they had tried.
Am I still allergic to them? Heck, no. I even use one to make jalapeno cornbread.
But I never ever, nor will I, just eat an egg.
There are lots of good reasons not to eat an egg. First, they do come out of the underside of a chicken. Really? You want to eat that?
Let's face it. Boiled eggs look funny. You got to take off the shell, and it's messy. What's left looks like a big eyeball with a funky yellow center. That is strike two for eating it.
Fried eggs smell funny. Maybe it's the grease they are cooked in. And they are all runny, and people sop them up with toast. Yuck!
Please don't overlook the Humpty Dumpty factor. Did you ever wonder how he got his name? Who would want to eat poor Humpty Dumpty after the tragic accident? Turkey buzzards—enough said.
Eggs have found other uses in our society, like throwing them at politicians. Sadly, politicians are more nimble than Humpy Dumpty. You can't get rid of 'em that easy. But if it worked...the worldwide demand and price of eggs would be much higher.
Mushrooms are a whole different thing.
Food needs to pass the look test before it gets to the smell or taste test. Can we agree that the color of mushrooms looks like something rotten?
My mother and father never ate mushrooms. At least not that I ever saw. Come to think of it, the first time I ever saw anyone eat a mushroom happened on my first date with Zoe. She had mushrooms with a steak. I didn't hold it against her. She had other virtues.
Parent tapes are partly to blame for my aversion to eggs and mushrooms. Parent tapes simply mean we do things because our parents did it that way.
A preacher told the best story I ever heard about parent tapes. It involved three generations of cooks at a large family Christmas gathering. One of the items on the menu was a ham. The hostess and chef took a rather large ham and cut two inches off the butt portion of the ham before putting it in the oven.
A relative asked the cook, "Why did you cut off that part of the ham?"
The cook replied, "That's how my mother taught me to cook it. Let's ask her. She's in the living room."
When asked, the cook's mother replied, "Well, that's how my mother taught me." Turning to her right, she said loudly, "Mom, why did you cut off the end of the ham before cooking it?"
The grandmother said, "It wouldn't fit in the pan."
Parent tapes aside, I blame Alfred Hitchcock. He had a TV show, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, in the 1950s. In one story, a character cooked some poison mushrooms to commit murder.
I might have been twelve. I didn't even know there were good and bad mushrooms. But the fact people sometimes have a hard time telling the difference and the mistake might kill a person convinced me never to eat mushrooms.
Who said TV wasn't educational in the 50s?
Now, here comes the therapy part.
Trying or tasting the food is irrelevant. You might be allergic to it. There's no shame in that.
Food can look funny, smell funny, feel funny, be messy, and yucky, which makes it okay not to eat it—no shame in that.
Your family never ate it. There is no shame in a family tradition.
You heard about the dangers of certain foods on TV or the internet. Therefore, it must be true.
Umm?
Okay, as an unlicensed, untrained therapist who is often considered "Full of it." I'll concede the last point based on gullibility and stupidity.
As a public service, I will offer some sound advice as therapy for an international problem.
Is there some kind of food that you don't eat? Now, I don't mean you don't like to eat.
But rather, you just plain don't eat. Has it been that way your whole life? Do people make fun of you because you don't eat _______?
Do you ever find yourself in a social situation when someone serves_______? And you know there is no way you will eat _______. Does it make you feel awkward?
Has your mother or spouse told people, "Please don't serve _______ to my son/daughter/husband/wife because they don't eat it? But I love_________, so I'll take their portion."
I feel your pain.
If you are one of the people who have experienced this social humiliation. I offer some help by telling my story. The good news is there are no twelve steps involved—only a little understanding.
I know some of the readers will think, what a doofus. Who doesn't like eggs and mushrooms?
Me, that's who.
I don't eat them individually. It would certainly be a nonstarter to fix me a mushroom omelet.
The fact that I do not and never have eaten an egg is pretty easy to understand. My mother had difficulties with being pregnant. She had two miscarriages before I arrived in 1946 as the firstborn. Understandably, she would do whatever it took to protect the little seven-pound, ten-ounce redhead.
My mother said I developed a nasty rash in my second year. The doctor told her I had an egg allergy—apparently, a common condition for babies. But Mother took no chances. She never served me an egg for the rest of her life.
No one else ever served me an egg, either. It would not have mattered if they had tried.
Am I still allergic to them? Heck, no. I even use one to make jalapeno cornbread.
But I never ever, nor will I, just eat an egg.
There are lots of good reasons not to eat an egg. First, they do come out of the underside of a chicken. Really? You want to eat that?
Let's face it. Boiled eggs look funny. You got to take off the shell, and it's messy. What's left looks like a big eyeball with a funky yellow center. That is strike two for eating it.
Fried eggs smell funny. Maybe it's the grease they are cooked in. And they are all runny, and people sop them up with toast. Yuck!
Please don't overlook the Humpty Dumpty factor. Did you ever wonder how he got his name? Who would want to eat poor Humpty Dumpty after the tragic accident? Turkey buzzards—enough said.
Eggs have found other uses in our society, like throwing them at politicians. Sadly, politicians are more nimble than Humpy Dumpty. You can't get rid of 'em that easy. But if it worked...the worldwide demand and price of eggs would be much higher.
Mushrooms are a whole different thing.
Food needs to pass the look test before it gets to the smell or taste test. Can we agree that the color of mushrooms looks like something rotten?
My mother and father never ate mushrooms. At least not that I ever saw. Come to think of it, the first time I ever saw anyone eat a mushroom happened on my first date with Zoe. She had mushrooms with a steak. I didn't hold it against her. She had other virtues.
Parent tapes are partly to blame for my aversion to eggs and mushrooms. Parent tapes simply mean we do things because our parents did it that way.
A preacher told the best story I ever heard about parent tapes. It involved three generations of cooks at a large family Christmas gathering. One of the items on the menu was a ham. The hostess and chef took a rather large ham and cut two inches off the butt portion of the ham before putting it in the oven.
A relative asked the cook, "Why did you cut off that part of the ham?"
The cook replied, "That's how my mother taught me to cook it. Let's ask her. She's in the living room."
When asked, the cook's mother replied, "Well, that's how my mother taught me." Turning to her right, she said loudly, "Mom, why did you cut off the end of the ham before cooking it?"
The grandmother said, "It wouldn't fit in the pan."
Parent tapes aside, I blame Alfred Hitchcock. He had a TV show, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, in the 1950s. In one story, a character cooked some poison mushrooms to commit murder.
I might have been twelve. I didn't even know there were good and bad mushrooms. But the fact people sometimes have a hard time telling the difference and the mistake might kill a person convinced me never to eat mushrooms.
Who said TV wasn't educational in the 50s?
Now, here comes the therapy part.
Trying or tasting the food is irrelevant. You might be allergic to it. There's no shame in that.
Food can look funny, smell funny, feel funny, be messy, and yucky, which makes it okay not to eat it—no shame in that.
Your family never ate it. There is no shame in a family tradition.
You heard about the dangers of certain foods on TV or the internet. Therefore, it must be true.
Umm?
Okay, as an unlicensed, untrained therapist who is often considered "Full of it." I'll concede the last point based on gullibility and stupidity.
 Recognized |
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Artwork by supergold at FanArtReview.com
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