| General Fiction posted March 14, 2025 |
  |
a skit
Flying Too High
by Aiona
INT. DETROIT METRO AIRPORT - MORNING
A LONG LINE of people waiting to buy tickets at the ticket counter. A DISGRUNTLED CUSTOMER leaves the counter, which reveals the TELLER (a 40s female) who has a face of iron and a heart of ice. She waves away the customer with a flick of her hand. Then she yells out!
TELLER
NEXT!
A BUSINESS MAN (30s) approaches the ticket counter, his briefcase in one hand, his coat hung over the other arm.
BUSINESS MAN
Hi, thank goodness! I thought I'd never reach you.
Do you know I've been waiting in line for two hours?
TELLER
Do you have an I.D. card?
BUSINESS MAN
Yes. Yes, I do.
The Business Man shuffles his coat to his other arm, and then fishes in his pants pocket for his wallet. He deftly opens it one-handed, and then plops his driver's license onto the counter.
Without even looking at him, the Teller grabs the card and reads it.
BUSINESS MAN
You see, I downloaded a coupon for
the "Twenty-Five Dollar Round-Trip
Flight to La Guardia."
TELLER
So, that's one round-trip ticket
for a "Frank Rogers" to La Guardia.
Is that right?
BUSINESS MAN
Yes.
The Teller does some typing into her computer, and then hands the Business Man his I.D. back.
TELLER
That'll be one-hundred forty-five dollars
and twenty-two cents. Are you paying by credit or--?
BUSINESS MAN
Wait a minute! Did you say one-hundred
forty-nine dollars and--?
TELLER
No, sir. I said "one-hundred
forty-five dollars and--
BUSINESS MAN
Forty-five! But, the coupon says
it's "twenty-five dollars" for a round-trip ticket.
TELLER
Well, sir, I'm guessing you want
an arm-rest, right?
BUSINESS MAN
Well, I...
Of course, I want an arm rest.
TELLER
And most people want two.
I put you in an aisle seat. So you're
gonna want two.
BUSINESS MAN
And that makes it one-hundred
forty-five dollars and twenty-two cents?
TELLER
No, the arm rests are only two dollars each.
BUSINESS MAN
Well that's a relief. So, how does that
make it one-hundred forty-five dollars?
TELLER
Well, you want a tray-table, don't you?
BUSINESS MAN
Well, yeah...
TELLER
That's forty-seven dollars extra.
Everybody always wants the tray table.
BUSINESS MAN
But that's crazy. Shouldn't it come
with the plane ticket?
TELLER
Mr. Rogers?
Mr. Rogers?
BUSINESS MAN
Yes?
TELLER
Do you own Family Friendly Airways?
BUSINESS MAN
No, I don't.
TELLER
You let me know when you do, okay?
And I'll let you set the prices
for our tray tables.
So tell me now. Do you want
a tray table or not?
BUSINESS MAN
That still doesn't add up.
TELLER
Well the rest is only airport tax.
BUSINESS MAN
Only airport tax...
TELLER
You know, I could always
put you in a window seat.
That only needs one arm rest.
BUSINESS MAN
Okay, fine. Put me in a window seat.
The Teller taps on her keyboard vigorously, and then hits return.
TELLER
There you go. You've got a window seat
There you go. You've got a window seat
in Aisle 14.
BUSINESS MAN
Thank you.
TELLER
That'll be two-hundred twenty-nine dollars
That'll be two-hundred twenty-nine dollars
and eighty cents. Will that be credit or debit?
BUSINESS MAN
Wait a minute! Why is it more?
I thought you said it'd be less.
TELLER
No, sir. I did not. I said that window seats
only need one arm rest. So that deducts
the cost of one arm rest, or two dollars.
BUSINESS MAN
So why is it now over two-hundred dollars?!
TELLER
Well, you're gonna want to open the window shade, right?
BUSINESS MAN
Uh...
TELLER
I saved you thirty-two bucks, by giving you
the unlimited key-card instead of having
to use the coin-operated louver. Nobody
ever carries cash with them anymore.
BUSINESS MAN
I need to pay to open the window shade?
TELLER
So did you want an arm rest too?
BUSINESS MAN
What if I didn't want to look outside the plane?
GUY BEHIND BUSINESS MAN
Just get the key-card! Okay?
WOMAN BEHIND GUY
Hurry up! I'm gonna miss my flight!
BUSINESS MAN
No. You know what? I don't want to fly
your Family Friendly Airways after all!
You can take your "Twenty-Five Dollar Coupon"
and shove it up your--
HARD CLOSE TO NEXT SCENE...
EXT. ST. CLAIR COUNTY AIRPORT IN MICHIGAN -- DAY
SUBTITLE: EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER
Business Man is doing a walk-around on his little Pipistrel PROPELLER PLANE. His friend EDWIN follows him around the plane.
EDWIN
I can't believe you bought a plane, Frank.
What in the world
possessed you to buy it?
BUSINESS MAN
Well, honestly...
the cost of lessons and getting
my license and the monthly
payments on this baby...
(pats the fuselage lovingly)
was cheaper than flying commercial.
EDWIN
I see.
BUSINESS MAN
So do you want an arm rest for this trip?
Write A Screenplay contest entry
Thank you to supergold for letting FanStory writers use this lovely image "snowcastles?" with their writing.
Pays
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© Copyright 2025. Aiona All rights reserved.
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