Cake of the Year

by kiwisteveh

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The Kingdom of Gobbledegooks is a-flutter
With the flurry of flour, and the beating of butter;
With sugar and egg-yolks, with batter and icing,
With sifting and sprinkling and stirring and spicing.

Here's every baker, and pastry-chef too
From the wilds of Windango, the streets of Kar-Boo;
From hamlet and homestead, from castle and cottage,
Whoever can cook up a pancake or pottage.

They come bearing chocolate and cheeses and chilli,
Ingredients simple and special and silly.
In the great castle kitchen erupts a loud cheer -
They've announced the contestants for Cake of the Year.

Here's Lickladle Licorice, Wineberry Whiskit,
With Marshmallow Toasted and Blueberry Biscuit;
Flakypuff Flora and Shopfront Shenanigan,
Truffles Trelawney and Mousse Marzipanigan.

Right down at the front, at the biggest of benches,
Surrounded by silver and six serving-wenches,
Sits Crackpepper Crispin, the pastry patrician,
The sultan of shortcakes, the muffin magician.

The king of concoctions, with whipped cream, a wizard,
Who served up ice-cream cake when caught in a blizzard;
Splendiferous winner, sixteen times before,
Still up for the challenge to win one time more.

Way up at the back where the newcomers go,
There is one more contestant, her face all aglow.
'Tis Hilda, the sweetest of scullery-maids
(Remember the girl with the long golden braids)

She's worked in the kitchens for all of her life;
She has scrubbed every cook-pot and polished each knife.
She's fetched and she's carried, she's scampered and scurried,
She's simmered and seasoned and kibbled and curried.

She's learned the cook's secrets, the cute and the clever ones,
The 'Never-Tell-Anyone-Now-And-Forever' ones.
Her friends in the kitchens all love Hilda's baking,
But now, deep inside, little Hilda is quaking.

How can she compete with the best in the Kingdom,
The champion chefs of most everything-dom?
And there in the audience, cheering and loyal,
Sits handsome Prince Rupert, her favourite royal.

The flour's started flying, the battle begins;
What a scraping and banging and rattling of tins!
The ovens are heating, the temperature's rising,
And if tempers are tested -- well, it's hardly surprising.

Shopfront and Lickladle start off a wrangle,
While Truffles trips over a Marshmallow tangle.
Blueberry, Wineberry, Flaky and Mousse
Have quite a war raging -- no sign of a truce.

Now Crackpepper Crispin and Hilda compete
In the Grandest of Finals -- it's sour versus sweet;
His licorice lacework on cinnamon snow;
Her rum-bake of plum-cake, galumptious gateau.

The judges grow serious, now they look frazzled;
It's clear they're delighted, delirious, dazzled.
"We've never seen anything like it!" they cry.
"For the very first time, we have called it a tie."

Now Crackpepper smiles as he crosses the floor,
And he shakes Hilda's hand as the crowd gives a roar.
"What wonderful baking, my dear. If you please,
Will you come be my chef at 'The Cafe High Tease'?"

Then next on this day of stupendous surprises:
Prince Rupert is called on to hand out the prizes.
See Hilda's sweet blushing, her legs growing weak,
As the dashing Prince plants a big kiss on her cheek.

Now Magog the Magician cries out with a grin,
"If the smooching has finished..... let the feasting begin!"
And the Gobbledegookians give a great cheer -
Then they gobble up all of TWO Cakes of the Year.

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