A Prize Shot (Once In A Lifetime)
a 208 wd vignette for the Potlatch Prose challenge Aug.20/1623 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written imagery vignette. Rowing in a canoe with the camera in the hope to catch a heron. A great surprise when you come across the great Egret and his mate. An excellent photo to compliment your work.
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A very well-written imagery vignette. Rowing in a canoe with the camera in the hope to catch a heron. A great surprise when you come across the great Egret and his mate. An excellent photo to compliment your work.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Dawn
= You certainly picked a spectacular photo to complement your writing.
= This captures the imagery and wait for the perfect shot.
= Nice job, my friend.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
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Hi, Dawn
= You certainly picked a spectacular photo to complement your writing.
= This captures the imagery and wait for the perfect shot.
= Nice job, my friend.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Dawn,
This is a beautiful story capped with an awesome photo. Your short prose piece is full of amazing imagery as required.
To pick out 1 line would not do as my favorite. I would have to pick the entire piece.
Thanks for sharing an amazing write. Jan
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Dawn,
This is a beautiful story capped with an awesome photo. Your short prose piece is full of amazing imagery as required.
To pick out 1 line would not do as my favorite. I would have to pick the entire piece.
Thanks for sharing an amazing write. Jan
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
Comment from Joan E.
You certainly fulfilled the imagery challenge of the Potlatch prompt and added a striking artwork. I could smell and hear the elements in your description, plus visualize the splendid creatures. Cheers- Joan
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You certainly fulfilled the imagery challenge of the Potlatch prompt and added a striking artwork. I could smell and hear the elements in your description, plus visualize the splendid creatures. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
Comment from Thomas Bowling
That certainly is a prize shot. I'm an amateur photographer too. I have taken thousands of wild life shots, but never one like that.
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That certainly is a prize shot. I'm an amateur photographer too. I have taken thousands of wild life shots, but never one like that.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think jumping trout are beautiful. Your post describes a very beautiful scene and I could see it very well as I read. Great job of writing. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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I think jumping trout are beautiful. Your post describes a very beautiful scene and I could see it very well as I read. Great job of writing. Keep it up.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you very much, Barbara - I'm glad you liked it. :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Amazing photo! WOW! Good description overall. I like the reference to Xmas, and this line is very good: turning the velvety smooth, black water to glistening gold.
A lot to fix, however.
The rich, loam scent <-- Comma not needed here, since "loam scent" is one thing.
A loon calls; the echoing across the lake <-- Incorrect use of semi-colon bec the second part is not an independent clause. Change it to a comma.
a special filter I've planned for the romantic shot. <-- You didn't plan a filter. Rewrite as...
a special filter for the romantic shot I've planned.
As quietly as possible, I rest the paddle on the seat in front of me and drift, raising my Nikon at the same time... <-- Try to make the ending more elegant by limiting words, and DON'T use dots.
I rest the paddle on the seat and raise my Nikon.
Why remove all those phrases?
1) We KNOW you'll be quiet.
2) It doesn't matter what seat you rest the paddle on.
3) We KNOW you're drifting if you put your paddle down.
4)"At the same time" as what? As drifting, according to what you wrote. Even if it made sense, it's best to keep the final sentence short, elegant, to the point.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Amazing photo! WOW! Good description overall. I like the reference to Xmas, and this line is very good: turning the velvety smooth, black water to glistening gold.
A lot to fix, however.
The rich, loam scent <-- Comma not needed here, since "loam scent" is one thing.
A loon calls; the echoing across the lake <-- Incorrect use of semi-colon bec the second part is not an independent clause. Change it to a comma.
a special filter I've planned for the romantic shot. <-- You didn't plan a filter. Rewrite as...
a special filter for the romantic shot I've planned.
As quietly as possible, I rest the paddle on the seat in front of me and drift, raising my Nikon at the same time... <-- Try to make the ending more elegant by limiting words, and DON'T use dots.
I rest the paddle on the seat and raise my Nikon.
Why remove all those phrases?
1) We KNOW you'll be quiet.
2) It doesn't matter what seat you rest the paddle on.
3) We KNOW you're drifting if you put your paddle down.
4)"At the same time" as what? As drifting, according to what you wrote. Even if it made sense, it's best to keep the final sentence short, elegant, to the point.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Drat! My grammar program wouldn't accept just a comma after "calls" for some reason, and it's usually pretty good. I DID have just a comma there. As for the rest of your suggestions - thanks for the great feedback!!! Changes made. (You're hired, but I don't have any money to spare...LOL)
Comment from LIJ Red
Yep, lotsa images, and written smoothly into the flow. Looks like an
excellent entry for the potlatch challenge, in my opinion.
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Yep, lotsa images, and written smoothly into the flow. Looks like an
excellent entry for the potlatch challenge, in my opinion.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
Comment from Ricky1024
Hi,Dawn.
I felt a presence of peace as I wrote this.
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective and based on theme and Imagery...
And, on a scale of one to one hundred....
100.
Ricky
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Hi,Dawn.
I felt a presence of peace as I wrote this.
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective and based on theme and Imagery...
And, on a scale of one to one hundred....
100.
Ricky
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Ricky - thank you for this wonderful review!
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Your welcome and I look forward to your next post.
Ricky
Comment from royowen
Well done Dawn with your potlatch response to the prompt, have you ever been in a scene like this before? Beautifully written as though you had been, and so well presented and descriptively smooth, thank you, blessings, Roy
Typo : as she takes flight, (it) steal(s) my breath away.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Well done Dawn with your potlatch response to the prompt, have you ever been in a scene like this before? Beautifully written as though you had been, and so well presented and descriptively smooth, thank you, blessings, Roy
Typo : as she takes flight, (it) steal(s) my breath away.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Ah, my friend, thank you! But the subject of that sentence isn't 'flight', it's 'wings' - plural - it's her wings I am finding so awesome. (So it must be the singular 'steal', for "they steal my breath away".)
As always, I so appreciate your generous and ever-so-kind review. :) (Yes, I used to be very 'outdoorsy' and loved to photograph wildlife.)
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Aha early morning here in Cambodia, overwhelmed by the recent violent history of Cambodia, out of a population of 8 million, between 1- 3 million men, women and children were butchered, starved or died of sickness in years 1975 -1979, under the brutal Pol Pot regime, American planes had blanket bombed Cambodia in earlier years, for no other reason than it was next to Vietnam, called the "secret war" 100,000 died from that, the average age of Cambodians is 24, the people are delightful, despite their hardships. Blessings, Roy
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OH!!!! You are there NOW? Careful, Roy...I'm the wary type...a smile can hide a lot...watch your back.
That's no disrespect to the people, it's just my nature, especially in foreign/unusual circumstances. You describe horrific events. So damn tragic!
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No the Cambodians are beautiful people, the children and adults are kind, respectful and generous, the Christian workers are unbelievably brave, compassionate. There's no sense of danger, I've travelled a lot, but I've never known tragedy like this, I feel wretched, I never knew! My dear fellow mission team members are lovely. I'm just overwhelmed by it all, sorry Dawn, look up Cambodian recent history, you'll see something. Blessings, Roy
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Oh dear, I'm sorry you feel so bad. So very sad for them.