No Time To Think
An almost deadly memory22 total reviews
Comment from zanya
Wow what an experience for a youngster - a memory indelibly imprinted on these young minds - innate and boundless courage - thanks for sharing this heroic incident
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Wow what an experience for a youngster - a memory indelibly imprinted on these young minds - innate and boundless courage - thanks for sharing this heroic incident
Comment Written 28-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to review, I really appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from mbroyles2
I don't know, I think I would have done more than threaten a whooping.
This is well written with great recollection.
Quite a but of suspense as well.
An enjoyable read.
Michael
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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I don't know, I think I would have done more than threaten a whooping.
This is well written with great recollection.
Quite a but of suspense as well.
An enjoyable read.
Michael
Comment Written 28-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to review, I really appreciate your kind comments. I hadn't gotten into cussing yet, that was few years later LOL.
Comment from royowen
Just loved your story and entry in this on fiction writing contest. The train rescue was spectacular and resultant spanking of the boy,was natural, n wonder he remembered it in later years, the reaction was understandable. I thoroughly enjoyed this well structured and tellable tale, a very good entry, articulate and just a darn good story, well done, Good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Just loved your story and entry in this on fiction writing contest. The train rescue was spectacular and resultant spanking of the boy,was natural, n wonder he remembered it in later years, the reaction was understandable. I thoroughly enjoyed this well structured and tellable tale, a very good entry, articulate and just a darn good story, well done, Good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 28-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to review, I really appreciate your kind comments. I am grateful for your good luck wishes and blessing.
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Most welcome
Comment from Mastery
Wow, Alie. I can't say as I blame you for being pissed about your Sis and her boys taking over so to speak. I would be too.
Lots of good imagery in the story: Like:
My anger level was now peaking over my fear level. I grabbed Johnny by his arm and proceeded to give him the ass blistering that he deserved. I enunciated every word I screamed with a wallop, "Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me? You could have gotten killed. I will whoop you until you can't sit down, if you try that again."
And:
"We went inside and after she placed a cushion on the kitchen chair she plunked him down and told him not to move for anything. She guided me to sit and got a lemonade with extra sugar for me. The boys were given milk. As I sipped the tears began to fall."
Suggestions: This area needs a better transistion. One minute you are hanging laundry...next it is about a guy. "It was laundry day and I had gotten an early start. Father had strung up two more clothes lines making it easier to do all the laundry on one day. There was hope I would have some free time this summer.
I knew Richard liked me.
( See what I mean? Perhaps one joining sentence would work.
Good job, Alie. Good luck in the contest. I think it's a winner, myself. Happy New Year! X Bob
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Wow, Alie. I can't say as I blame you for being pissed about your Sis and her boys taking over so to speak. I would be too.
Lots of good imagery in the story: Like:
My anger level was now peaking over my fear level. I grabbed Johnny by his arm and proceeded to give him the ass blistering that he deserved. I enunciated every word I screamed with a wallop, "Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me? You could have gotten killed. I will whoop you until you can't sit down, if you try that again."
And:
"We went inside and after she placed a cushion on the kitchen chair she plunked him down and told him not to move for anything. She guided me to sit and got a lemonade with extra sugar for me. The boys were given milk. As I sipped the tears began to fall."
Suggestions: This area needs a better transistion. One minute you are hanging laundry...next it is about a guy. "It was laundry day and I had gotten an early start. Father had strung up two more clothes lines making it easier to do all the laundry on one day. There was hope I would have some free time this summer.
I knew Richard liked me.
( See what I mean? Perhaps one joining sentence would work.
Good job, Alie. Good luck in the contest. I think it's a winner, myself. Happy New Year! X Bob
Comment Written 28-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2016
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Wow, thank you Bob for not only ready but taking the time to review as well. I really appreciate your comments and suggestions, I do understand what you mean. Thank you for the good luck wishes. Happy New Year back to you. Alie
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:) Good job, Alie. Bob
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:-) Do have a great New Years Bob
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a really good story. I enjoyed reading it start to finish. Clear and interesting. The threads of your story continued throughout. Very nice entry into the contest. :) Marilyn
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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This is a really good story. I enjoyed reading it start to finish. Clear and interesting. The threads of your story continued throughout. Very nice entry into the contest. :) Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Thank you so much for reading and then taking the time to review Marilyn, Your kind comments are truly appreciated.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I see this is posted as non-fiction. It must be based a memory from your past. Great story. But you always have great stories. Thanks for sharing. No snags or problems that I can see.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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I see this is posted as non-fiction. It must be based a memory from your past. Great story. But you always have great stories. Thanks for sharing. No snags or problems that I can see.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I appreciate your kind comments, you are correct, a story from my childhood.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was an amazing story, Alie, you brave lady. I think in situations like that you could have responded in one of two ways. What you actually did, which that little nephew of yours was very lucky he had you, or you could have frozen, and the result would have been tragic. You certainly deserved that award! Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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That was an amazing story, Alie, you brave lady. I think in situations like that you could have responded in one of two ways. What you actually did, which that little nephew of yours was very lucky he had you, or you could have frozen, and the result would have been tragic. You certainly deserved that award! Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Thank you Sandra for your kind words. I for one am glad I didn't freeze. I am honored that you took the time to read and to review. Your good luck wishes are greatly appreciated.
Comment from light
This is so well written. It kept my eyes glued to the page. Your reading has probably contributed to your writing talent. Blessings is the contest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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This is so well written. It kept my eyes glued to the page. Your reading has probably contributed to your writing talent. Blessings is the contest.
Elaine
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Thank you ever so much for reading and then taking the time to review. I am glad it held your interest. And wow six stars, thank you so much. I really appreciate your good luck wishes. I never thought of my constant reading in that way, thanks.
Comment from robyn corum
Aryr,
This is an amazing story. Amazing! I'm so glad you were aware of what was happening! That is miraculous! This story should do really well in the contest!
A couple of tiny notes, if you'll permit:
1.) I had forgotten what life was (like) before the boys and couldn't fathom life
2.) It was one such day which (would) probably be a scorcher,
3.) they presented me with a (plaque) and a gift card for my act of bravery.
Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Aryr,
This is an amazing story. Amazing! I'm so glad you were aware of what was happening! That is miraculous! This story should do really well in the contest!
A couple of tiny notes, if you'll permit:
1.) I had forgotten what life was (like) before the boys and couldn't fathom life
2.) It was one such day which (would) probably be a scorcher,
3.) they presented me with a (plaque) and a gift card for my act of bravery.
Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Thank you Robyn for reading and then taking the time to review, I really appreciate your kind comments and suggestions and good luck wishes. Your notes are always permitted and valued. I will address them in a few minutes.
Comment from Pantygynt
An enjoyable little true tale. It made me thankful for being an only child. There was just one sentence I found a little clumsy
"We talked about the coming school year, the Christmas church play, our bikes and we broke up squabbles." Rather than stick another comma in before the "and" I would put an "and" in before "our bikes" and a period after bikes. Add a new short sentence "We also broke up squabbles." I think it would read better like that.
It would then look like this.
"We talked about the coming school year, the Christmas church play, and our bikes. We also broke up squabbles."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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An enjoyable little true tale. It made me thankful for being an only child. There was just one sentence I found a little clumsy
"We talked about the coming school year, the Christmas church play, our bikes and we broke up squabbles." Rather than stick another comma in before the "and" I would put an "and" in before "our bikes" and a period after bikes. Add a new short sentence "We also broke up squabbles." I think it would read better like that.
It would then look like this.
"We talked about the coming school year, the Christmas church play, and our bikes. We also broke up squabbles."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2016
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Wow, thank you so much for reading and then taking the time to review. I have often wondered how it would have been as an only child lol. But I only had a sister so it wasn't too bad. Thank you for your suggestion, I agree and I liked it, thanks again.
