The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "The Piper, part 38"Young Adult Fantasy
18 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi debi. This is some strong writing. You ae proving yourself to be quite a novel writer (prose)
Good for you!
I love the opening "hook" in this chapter:
"Burkehart watched the faeries flitter through the air, zipping to-and-fro, leaving trails of light behind them in the darkness."
And this part: "As the music flowed, two flowers pushed their way out of the soil and grew taller, centimeter by centimeter. Leaves unraveled to the harmony. Buds nodded in time to the rhythm, shyly exposing their blooms one layer at a time, each petal blushing open as it was enticed by the melody."
Bravo my friend! :) Bob
Suggestions; In your recap do a lot of paragraphing. Even though it is just a recap...you always want to keep all of your writing "reader friendly" and single spacing with no paragraphing is not that.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
Hi debi. This is some strong writing. You ae proving yourself to be quite a novel writer (prose)
Good for you!
I love the opening "hook" in this chapter:
"Burkehart watched the faeries flitter through the air, zipping to-and-fro, leaving trails of light behind them in the darkness."
And this part: "As the music flowed, two flowers pushed their way out of the soil and grew taller, centimeter by centimeter. Leaves unraveled to the harmony. Buds nodded in time to the rhythm, shyly exposing their blooms one layer at a time, each petal blushing open as it was enticed by the melody."
Bravo my friend! :) Bob
Suggestions; In your recap do a lot of paragraphing. Even though it is just a recap...you always want to keep all of your writing "reader friendly" and single spacing with no paragraphing is not that.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
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Hi Bob,
Thank you for the amazing six-star rating and the encouraging comments.
Thank you for the helpful suggestion about the recap. I've added a sentence to it now and again, but I should probably revise it at this point, and certainly reformat it to be more reader friendly. Sometimes I need a reminder. Thanks for giving it.
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Stay safe, my friend. : ) Bob
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, I hope that Burkehart won't get our Piper! I loved that you cover how music affects plant life. I remember reading about studies about plants responding to music when I was a kid.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
Oh, I hope that Burkehart won't get our Piper! I loved that you cover how music affects plant life. I remember reading about studies about plants responding to music when I was a kid.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2020
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Hi Helen,
You make me so happy when you say "our Piper." That you care about the character makes my day.
Thanks for the six star rating and the wonderful comments. Yes, I believe music has more influence than we give it credit for.
Have a great week.
Debi
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You're so welcome. I love your characters!
Comment from royowen
I was thinking more deeply about you as I was reading this. Up till now I've just thought of you as spinning a pleasant tale of those mythical folk, but there is more to you than meets the eye. You're story is quite complex, and has some things going on beneath the surface. I was always a great fan of Tolkien and his array of books, apart from "Lord of the rings" (an all time benchmark book) I wonder if you've considered reaching beyond where you are now? Judy a thought. You do more than most do, at least here. I've read sci fi and some fantasy like this, but not enough, well done Debi. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
I was thinking more deeply about you as I was reading this. Up till now I've just thought of you as spinning a pleasant tale of those mythical folk, but there is more to you than meets the eye. You're story is quite complex, and has some things going on beneath the surface. I was always a great fan of Tolkien and his array of books, apart from "Lord of the rings" (an all time benchmark book) I wonder if you've considered reaching beyond where you are now? Judy a thought. You do more than most do, at least here. I've read sci fi and some fantasy like this, but not enough, well done Debi. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hi Roy,
I am overwhelmed by your comments. I find them both encouraging and humbling.
Thank you so much for your kind words and the thoughtfulness you have put into them.
It means a lot to me.
Debi
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Good job
Comment from Brandon Kyle
Beautiful imagery and a really enjoyable read. I would very much like to read the entire book. Vivid details in the setting. I'm so curious what happens when Crescendo plays music. What I didn't get though is exactly what kind of music Piper plays. It's clear it's magical, has harmony and rhythm but is it slow or upbeat, is it simple and sweet, colorful or intricate or somber or painful or hopeful, etc? The music comes across as a character if it can make flowers grow and bees stop but it seems to be missing in the spotlight. Perhaps explore the music as an individual character? And what reaction do you want out of Piper's audience when he plays? I look forward to your progress and wish you the best of luck on your writing adventure. Thank you for sharing. Rock on!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
Beautiful imagery and a really enjoyable read. I would very much like to read the entire book. Vivid details in the setting. I'm so curious what happens when Crescendo plays music. What I didn't get though is exactly what kind of music Piper plays. It's clear it's magical, has harmony and rhythm but is it slow or upbeat, is it simple and sweet, colorful or intricate or somber or painful or hopeful, etc? The music comes across as a character if it can make flowers grow and bees stop but it seems to be missing in the spotlight. Perhaps explore the music as an individual character? And what reaction do you want out of Piper's audience when he plays? I look forward to your progress and wish you the best of luck on your writing adventure. Thank you for sharing. Rock on!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hi Brandon Kyle,
I see you have recently joined Fanstory. Welcome. I look forward to reading your writing.
Thank you for having the courage to jump into a novel that is 2/3 of the way complete. Your fresh perspective is welcome.
I have described Piper's music and the reactions of humans, pixies, birds, bugs, etc. when he plays in previous chapters, but I think you have a point that I could elaborate a bit more on the music in this chapter. Burkehart is the only audience so I'll take another look at what it is doing to him.
Thank you so much for dropping by and giving a detailed, thoughtful review.
Debi
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love the idea that music can be so magical. There is an inheart connection between the melodies and us. I did a study on it in college. You created a wonderful fancy world.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
I love the idea that music can be so magical. There is an inheart connection between the melodies and us. I did a study on it in college. You created a wonderful fancy world.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hi Mia,
Yes, I think we get so used to hearing music constantly that we forget the power it can wield. It enhances our mood for good or bad, and can comfort us in time of trouble.
I bet your study was very interesting. What you struck you most about it?
Thank you for the encouraging comments.
Comment from Mary Furlong
You have created a wonderful world for you fairy folk characters. Beautifully written. What age group do you have ind for readers. Finding the right audience will be tricky, but I'm sure you can do it. L Thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
You have created a wonderful world for you fairy folk characters. Beautifully written. What age group do you have ind for readers. Finding the right audience will be tricky, but I'm sure you can do it. L Thanks for sharing.
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Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hi Mary,
I see you recently joined Fanstory. Welcome!
Thank you for the encouraging remarks. I am aiming for 13-17 as the age group for the story.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-An excellent chapter, Debi, with some good surprises.
-First, you bring Burkehart back into the story,
and I thought that was a good idea.
-The imagery and detail regarding his
bandaged hand is very well done.
-I also get the feeling he has been trying to see
Piper for a very long time, and whether you intended
it or not, it makes me feel some sympathy for him.
-I am glad to see Piper with the High Mage, and getting
back to music and the natural surroundings of the area.
-Piper continues to be very perceptive and figures out why
Mage wants him to play here, and also see the effect
on this environment; it does not disappoint.
-I get the feeling that with Burkehart in the vicinity,
you might be foreshadowing something as Mage comments
on who or what might be able to hear the music.
-Who knows, maybe it will have a healing effect
on Burkehart and his hand.
-You leave us with several interesting possibilities, too.
-Very well done; I liked this chapter very much!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
-An excellent chapter, Debi, with some good surprises.
-First, you bring Burkehart back into the story,
and I thought that was a good idea.
-The imagery and detail regarding his
bandaged hand is very well done.
-I also get the feeling he has been trying to see
Piper for a very long time, and whether you intended
it or not, it makes me feel some sympathy for him.
-I am glad to see Piper with the High Mage, and getting
back to music and the natural surroundings of the area.
-Piper continues to be very perceptive and figures out why
Mage wants him to play here, and also see the effect
on this environment; it does not disappoint.
-I get the feeling that with Burkehart in the vicinity,
you might be foreshadowing something as Mage comments
on who or what might be able to hear the music.
-Who knows, maybe it will have a healing effect
on Burkehart and his hand.
-You leave us with several interesting possibilities, too.
-Very well done; I liked this chapter very much!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hi Pam,
Wow, what a super review. I appreciate the six stars. Even more, I appreciate the detailed comments about what you like and what you suspect, and your feelings about the characters. Thank you for staying with the story.
Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving, Debi. It means a lot that you appreciate what I say. This is a really good story, and I always look forward to the next chapter!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Piper has magic at the his finger tips: every time he plays his flute, the natures regenerates and miraculously spreads the wings of life. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
Piper has magic at the his finger tips: every time he plays his flute, the natures regenerates and miraculously spreads the wings of life. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the analysis and encouragement. I appreciate you stopping by and for the good luck wishes.
Debi