Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

You very adroitly built the tension by inactivity. That is, the reader is expecting something any moment, something that will bypass the officer in his car and be devastating. Nothing happens ... but the reader keeps waiting ... and will continue until the hammer drops.

Good job, Gretchen.

Jay

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023

Hammer is already moving. Thank you for this nice review and your awesome comments. Gretchen

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

This was an interesting chapter, Gretchen. I enjoyed
reading it. Your words were well thought out. They
allowed readers to get more insight into Miranda.
She isn't the super hero woman she tried to show to
all. Deep down, she's just like most people in their
actions. I believed she's really scared of the stalker
and is thrilled the deputy was there to protect her.
She just doesn't want others to know she's scared.
Also, she needed her mother just like most would. I
liked how she called her and asked a favor. The way
you described her life as a roller coaster coming apart
was perfect.
Thanks for sharing, Jan

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023

Thank you, Jan, for this awesome review and the indepth comments. I appreciate your time. Gretchen

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Depends on who is stalking you, but sometimes, not even a fleet of sheriff vehicles can make you feel safe. "There isn't much he doesn't eat." Kind of made me feel like I was part of the chapter, and then, "personality like a stump," describes half the people I know. LOL. Your descriptions and work on the senses always keep me entertained. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023

Thank you. I'm glad you found humor in this chapter. I always try to include some humor. Makes life a lit easier when you can laugh. Thank you for this nice review. Gretchen

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Even with the deputy there, Miranda isn't completely safe. Missy is an evil person. I am pretty sure it's Missy. She's already murdered once. So it would be easy for her to do it again.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023

Thank you so much. No, Missy is not one to ignore. She's rich and charismatic to a lot of people. Gretchen

Comment from John Ciarmello

Excellent

Allowing the deputy's personality to be next to nil gives the reader something else to feel in this scene. Miranda's sense of insecurity is amplified because of its mention. I love how you melt innuendo into your character's personality to bring the reader closer to the scene. Like a perfect grilled cheese sandwich with melted crunchy cheese bits hanging off the sides, lol. Sorry I haven't had breakfast yet. I got carried away. Anyway, great chapter, Gretchen. Best, JohnC

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

Thanks, John. Now I'm hungry. And a grilled cheese is my favorite. Seriously, I'm very happy you liked this. Appreciate the comments. Gretchen

Comment from Wendy G

Exceptional

Love the image of her life as an abandoned roller coaster going off the rails. Also like "the personality of a stump" - a great expression.
"Whose kids are these?" Not "who's" (which means "who is").
Miranda's uneasiness is making me uneasy too. Looking forward to more.
Wendy

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

Thank you so much. I'm glad you are liking it. I had a friend who used to say "well, we're on this roller coaster whether we like it or not. Might as well put your hands up and enjoy the ride." I thought it was an awesome attitude. Thanks for catching that spag. And thank you for this awesome rating. Gretchen

Comment from Sankey

Exceptional

So glad I saw this before I go to bed. Another great bit of storytelling. No spags, anywhere, either. Keep up your good work. You are still a favourite prose writer.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

Awe. I'm honored to be one of your favorites. And thank you for this nice review and rating. Gretchen

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I think I would feel unsafe with the likes of Missy Toblerone at large who knows what would, she's bad news indeed. So I'm worried about the deputy too, he is pretty brick like, beautifully written Gretchen, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

Jury is still out on the Deputy. Things are definitely escalating. Thank you for this nice review. Gretchen

reply by royowen on 07-Feb-2023

Yep, great story,

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

This was rathe a calm, uneventful chapter, given that you have already covered the grafitti incident rather extensively. It can be useful to take a beat, but perhaps not a whole chapter's worth. I look forwards to things picking up again soon. kay

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

I'm sorry you found this chapter less than riveting. But I feel like sometimes the reader needs a minute to catch their breath. I promise things are about to explode. Gretchen

Comment from damommy

Excellent

I can understand her not feeling safe even with the deputy outside. He needs to be inside. But with his personality, who knows how he will react in the face of a crisis. This chapter has left me waiting for the other shoe to drop. The thot plickens. lol

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023

It's about to get crazy. Thank you for the wonderful review and the great feedback. Gretchen