Life Raft
A contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Navada,
This is a very description of dying on a lift raft. It could be metaphoric about death too. It shows your faith that we meet our loved ones again in heaven. Everyone wishes to die while sleeping.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Have a great day,
Joan
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Hi Navada,
This is a very description of dying on a lift raft. It could be metaphoric about death too. It shows your faith that we meet our loved ones again in heaven. Everyone wishes to die while sleeping.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Have a great day,
Joan
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can see how, I'm guess a mother, and the life raft are a metaphor. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It's very well written and I want to wish you luck with the contest.
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I can see how, I'm guess a mother, and the life raft are a metaphor. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It's very well written and I want to wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
Comment from BethShelby
I first I thought you were decribing me trying to get out of bed in the morning. The first few verses sound very much like me, but I realize she is actually never going to make it up because he time on earth is over. Mine will be some day, but I force my self up and come alive. After coffee I feel there is hope. This is great description of what those final hours must be like.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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I first I thought you were decribing me trying to get out of bed in the morning. The first few verses sound very much like me, but I realize she is actually never going to make it up because he time on earth is over. Mine will be some day, but I force my self up and come alive. After coffee I feel there is hope. This is great description of what those final hours must be like.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much! :)
Comment from papa55mike
I would rather fight my demise a little harder, but she didn't have much to work with. What a wonderfully written poem. Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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I would rather fight my demise a little harder, but she didn't have much to work with. What a wonderfully written poem. Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 13-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Thank you for this lovely feedback! :)
Comment from Pearl Edwards
the life raft rides rhythmic rolling waves - love the descriptive alliteration you've used throughout, navada. A well written free verse poem, emotional, dramatic as this woman slides into eternal rest. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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the life raft rides rhythmic rolling waves - love the descriptive alliteration you've used throughout, navada. A well written free verse poem, emotional, dramatic as this woman slides into eternal rest. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for your positive feedback and your generous six stars, Valda - much appreciated! :)
Comment from Karen Cherry
Good grief, Herbert! This a very well-written, although depressing, piece of artistry. The picture is speaking. The font is heavy and weighted. It all speaks of the futility of fighting fate. Karen
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Good grief, Herbert! This a very well-written, although depressing, piece of artistry. The picture is speaking. The font is heavy and weighted. It all speaks of the futility of fighting fate. Karen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thanks so much, Karen. I wrote this one a while ago and I think I was focusing on tbe vocabulary choice and the alliteration at the time. It is a bit bleak! :) Thank you so much for the generous six stars!
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It is stark, But It is very good. We feel the weight of it. Karen
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Thank you so much! :)
Comment from royowen
A quite chilling circumstance written in three line free verse stanzas, progressively marching towards the ultimate demise of the raft and its occupant, and that feeling of sinking inevitably. Great atmospheric work, sliding downward with the victim, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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A quite chilling circumstance written in three line free verse stanzas, progressively marching towards the ultimate demise of the raft and its occupant, and that feeling of sinking inevitably. Great atmospheric work, sliding downward with the victim, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thanks so much, Roy! :)
Comment from Jim Wile
Beautifully told, Navada, of a woman adrift on the ocean, all alone on a raft, with a raging storm about to burst from quickly darkening skies, tortured by thirst and violent memories of past horrors, and desiring only a peaceful departure from this earth where she can achieve the relief with eternal rest. So vividly portrayed with terrific imagery and with alliteration to emphasize some of the circumstances she faces.
I hope this is just about a particular woman rather than a statement about all women, or that's an awfully gloomy vision to have and very frightening. - Jim
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Beautifully told, Navada, of a woman adrift on the ocean, all alone on a raft, with a raging storm about to burst from quickly darkening skies, tortured by thirst and violent memories of past horrors, and desiring only a peaceful departure from this earth where she can achieve the relief with eternal rest. So vividly portrayed with terrific imagery and with alliteration to emphasize some of the circumstances she faces.
I hope this is just about a particular woman rather than a statement about all women, or that's an awfully gloomy vision to have and very frightening. - Jim
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thanks so much for your feedback, Jim. This was written a while ago and I think it was principally an adventure with vocabulary choices and alliteration at the time. You're right - as a metaphor for all womankind, this would be exceedingly bleak! :)
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there,
This wonderfully crafted poem tells the story of the aged woman meeting her day. I feel like this so much, and so many more mornings than ever before. But the truth is - it was all eventual.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest,
~MP~
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Hi there,
This wonderfully crafted poem tells the story of the aged woman meeting her day. I feel like this so much, and so many more mornings than ever before. But the truth is - it was all eventual.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest,
~MP~
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much for this positive feedback and the generous six stars! :)
Comment from Wendy G
That was quite a story in a poem - dramatic and full of realistic emotions. I was hoping she'd somehow be rescured!! A fine entry for the contest. Very well writte, so best wishes to you.
Wendy
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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That was quite a story in a poem - dramatic and full of realistic emotions. I was hoping she'd somehow be rescured!! A fine entry for the contest. Very well writte, so best wishes to you.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you! I wrote this one some time ago and I can't remember why I was quite so pessimistic. A rescue would be nicer! :)
