Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hi Jim,
I'm cringing inside, even though I've never found myself in a position like this. The dialogue was great-very believable. I think Sandi handled the situation well, she could have been much more frank and told him where to go. Every teen boy's nightmare. Well done Jim.
Have a blessed day.
Tom

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2024

Thanks so much, Tom. Sandi, bless her heart, went easy on him and could have come down much harder, but she's a decent person if not a bit of a tease. He'd better go easy, though, or risk losing any chance he might have ever had with her.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

Great dialogue makes a story realistic, and lets the reader understand the type of person a character is. Here, Josh was not the smartest character, but he was a nice guy. Sandi was insightful and kindly put a stop to Brian's antics. Brian, on the other hand, was intelligent, but made a foolish, obvious mistake.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024

Thanks, Lorraine. Something that helps me to write believable dialogue is reading it to my wife after I write each chapter. She always lets me know if it's not working.

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

Guys with a crush on a girl can make fools of themselfs and then beat themselves up over the the realization that their plan backfiredf and they look like a fool in front of the one they cared about. I'm enjoying the story.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024

He certainly succeeded in doing that! I'm so glad the story appeals to you, Beth.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Teenagers, trying to impress the opposite sex and only ending up looking silly themselves, you certainly got the vibe right in this chapter Jim. Sounds like Sandi has more than just looks, she has the smarts too. Well written Jim,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024

Thanks, Valda. Sandi has probably seen all sorts of silly behavior from guys vying for her attention. One of the hazards of being a good-looking, popular teenage girl.

Comment from Thesis

Excellent

The trials and tribulations of a young Turk trying to show superiority. This takes me right back to High School when this kind of BS was so important. No comments to offer on the writing. It's so fitting for the setting.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

Thanks, Thesis. It's easy to look at our own pasts to get the inspiration for these kinds of things. In my own past, though, I was never quick enough to come up with the witty remark or the great put-down at the time. They always came later when thinking back on the moments they would have been appropriate for.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Seems like the immaturity has reared its ugly head. Luckily, air-headed Josh didn't pick up on it or he's just a respectful teen (sure!). But Sandi got it and called him out. Then Brian solidified it and ran, with his tail between his legs... immature.

Is this the beginning of his demise... only the author knows!

Good chapter.
John

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

Good instincts, John. I like that: "the beginning of his demise." It won't be long until we see which way it goes with him and Sandi.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

A nit-picky item in first paragraph, last sentence: you use "me" twice within 6 words; what if you said "afforded me a perfect place to stay out of sight while I watched her front door."

Ouch! Yes, Brian came across like a total jerk, but jealousy will do that to a person.

Good dialogue from these teenagers, Jim.

Have a good weekend,
xo
Pam

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

Thanks, Pam. Yes, your sentence reads much better. I changed it. Thank you for that. Yeah, he sure was acting like a jerk. Hopefully that warning from Sandi will have a positive effect, but sometimes it takes more than one misstep to really learn the lesson.

Comment from Kaiku

Excellent

I am thinking that the pic you used was one that reflected the great scene in the movie 'Cool Hand Luke' Of course that scene had the windows being washed with more than just a hose! Good stuff.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

It's been years since I saw that movie. I guess I don't remember that scene. I do remember that he ate 50 eggs and also the scene where the warden says, "What we have here is a failure to communicate."

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Brian certainly asked all the right questions to make Josh look dumb, but they were also just right to tip Sandi off to what he was trying to do. You wrote this just right with having her give him a talking to in private. He has to learn sometime what social skills he needs to work on.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

Yeah, not cool what he did, and he's lucky he didn't get pounded by the guy. Maybe he'll come to realize that Sandi just isn't interested in him, and he will have to accept it.

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 22-Jun-2024

I don't think he's the type to give up.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Oh dear, embarrassing, desperate, not a cool look at all! I think I was, actually, silently telling him to shut up. Sandi MacReady is not ready for the likes of Brian, no matter how bright he purports to be! This is great, Jim. Excruciating but great. And we're only just beginning. Dialogue is excellent and I'm enjoying the way you're setting up Brian here for that fall from grace, even though I'm going to be feeling sorry for him soon! Well done! Debbie

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2024

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024

You seem to have Brian pegged just right, Debbie. I like that word, excruciating. Let's hope he's learned from this experience, but your gut is telling you that may not be the case at all. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they can find their way up again, and most people can't do it alone.