An Unexpected Nap
A short story about a Hollywood hopeful with skills26 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
What a fun read this is! Thank you for a delightful way to begin my Saturday!
I had a neighbor who could have used your protagonist's barking skill set. She was elderly and she honest-to-gawd, Nomi, had a pre-recorded VERY mechanical-sounding dog bark that would sound moments after the lovely Big Ben-like chimes of her doorbell. It'd go like this: Bong, bong, bong, bonnnnng; bong, bong, bong, bonnnnnnnnng. (pause, pause, pause, pause) WOOOOF!! Woof! WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOOOF!! Woof! WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOOOF! But with a timbre that was absolutely TINNY - as canned as you can possibly imagine in your mind!
My daughter, who was only seven at the time (we were there to sell Girl Scout cookies), looked at me and asked, "Is that supposed to scare away robbers?" I said, "Well, what happens, Sweetie, is that the robbers hear that pretend dog and start laughing so hard that they fall off the steps and break their leg, and then they can't run away from the police." That delightful vignette was evoked by your fabulous story here. So, thank you for that, too!!
xoxox
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025
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What a fun read this is! Thank you for a delightful way to begin my Saturday!
I had a neighbor who could have used your protagonist's barking skill set. She was elderly and she honest-to-gawd, Nomi, had a pre-recorded VERY mechanical-sounding dog bark that would sound moments after the lovely Big Ben-like chimes of her doorbell. It'd go like this: Bong, bong, bong, bonnnnng; bong, bong, bong, bonnnnnnnnng. (pause, pause, pause, pause) WOOOOF!! Woof! WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOOOF!! Woof! WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOOOF! But with a timbre that was absolutely TINNY - as canned as you can possibly imagine in your mind!
My daughter, who was only seven at the time (we were there to sell Girl Scout cookies), looked at me and asked, "Is that supposed to scare away robbers?" I said, "Well, what happens, Sweetie, is that the robbers hear that pretend dog and start laughing so hard that they fall off the steps and break their leg, and then they can't run away from the police." That delightful vignette was evoked by your fabulous story here. So, thank you for that, too!!
xoxox
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025
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Glad to be of help. I, in retrospect, wish now that I had given him ventriloquism instead. A more marketable skill. I may try my hand at a story where the hero has that skill and uses it to help someone. Thank you so much for a great review and an amusing anecdote to boot.
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Oooh! That would be a good one, too!! I'll be on the lookout for it - which now I can do effortlessly since I am a "fan." Seriously, I could have sworn I was always one. I've had that happen before and also know others who have - where someone just 'drops off' your fan list. Have you experienced that? xoxo
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Yes. As a matter of fact, Debi Pick wrote of her frustration in trying for months to become my fan, and I was trying to become her fan as well. We were finally able to make it happen. I am now at the point where I may only post occasionally as I have become very selective in my posting. I have to really feel it or it does not get posted.
Comment from Tim Margetts
What a great story.
I started off hoping that it was true, and on reading your note, still wished it was.
It would be a great urban legend.
Thank you for sharing this little fiction.
Tim
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025
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What a great story.
I started off hoping that it was true, and on reading your note, still wished it was.
It would be a great urban legend.
Thank you for sharing this little fiction.
Tim
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025
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I think one of the best things about good fiction is that it very well be true. Things that are far outside the realm of possibility do not entertain me nearly as much as things that might possibly have happened. Thank you so much for your generous comments.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
This is an interesting story. Very imaginative and well written. Picture is a good choice for the story. Great job. I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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This is an interesting story. Very imaginative and well written. Picture is a good choice for the story. Great job. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you Brenda, If this is your first time reviewing my work, I welcome you. Please believe me, you are appreciated.
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I've reviewed your work before. I like your writing.
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Thank you so much. Reviews like yours are particularly enjoyable and uplifting.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You crafted quite a compelling story. You pointed out that the robber was a white man. I didn't understand the significance. Were they in a black neighborhood where the robber would more likely be black? Anyway, this was a very imaginative story with a satisfying ending. Your artwork paired perfectly.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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You crafted quite a compelling story. You pointed out that the robber was a white man. I didn't understand the significance. Were they in a black neighborhood where the robber would more likely be black? Anyway, this was a very imaginative story with a satisfying ending. Your artwork paired perfectly.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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No, the neighborhood was intended to be white and relatively crime free. the idea was to pose as a black man so the police would not be looking for a white suspect. Thank you for your interest in my little foray into fiction writing.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It would be great to see a worthless robber get what he has coming to him because of a retaliator who can make vicious dog imitations. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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It would be great to see a worthless robber get what he has coming to him because of a retaliator who can make vicious dog imitations. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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It is a situation that could easily happen in Hollywood the home of illusion. Thanks for your review comments.
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I've spent a lot of time in the area over the last 50 years; so, I understand how easily this could happen. My personal phone number is still a 310 area code. LOL. Great job!
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Oh yeah, you know.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, An Unexpected Nap, brings the unknown hero Darren to the scene of the great blitz-napping event which took a thief off the streets in Hollywood. Good job, nomi.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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This story, An Unexpected Nap, brings the unknown hero Darren to the scene of the great blitz-napping event which took a thief off the streets in Hollywood. Good job, nomi.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thanks Bill. Actually this is a story that you probably should have written.
Comment from papa55mike
Great work! Some hobbies and skills come in handy during difficult situations. This is a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Great work! Some hobbies and skills come in handy during difficult situations. This is a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you Mike. Anyone who takes his writing seriously loves to hear that something he wrote finds approval. For that I thank you with all my heart.
Comment from Faith Williams
It's listed as fiction, but this story sounds like it could be real. Also, a little bit sad about a white guy impersonating a black guy. Makes me shake my head as I'm sure it happens.
Suggestions to consider:
Darren Gold left Omaha Nebraska -- I believe you need a comma after Omaha.
One night, as he feared (it) would, Darren encountered the robber. I believe (it) should be (he).
The robber (hit the ground with suddenness) -- maybe switch around for a stronger verb (slammed to the ground).
The robber Alan Trask, I believe there should be a comma after robber.
and finally as a (guy who did voices for cartoon movies and shows). There is actually a profession called "voice actor".
Thanks for sharing this story.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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It's listed as fiction, but this story sounds like it could be real. Also, a little bit sad about a white guy impersonating a black guy. Makes me shake my head as I'm sure it happens.
Suggestions to consider:
Darren Gold left Omaha Nebraska -- I believe you need a comma after Omaha.
One night, as he feared (it) would, Darren encountered the robber. I believe (it) should be (he).
The robber (hit the ground with suddenness) -- maybe switch around for a stronger verb (slammed to the ground).
The robber Alan Trask, I believe there should be a comma after robber.
and finally as a (guy who did voices for cartoon movies and shows). There is actually a profession called "voice actor".
Thanks for sharing this story.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you, some of your suggestions were made by some one who saw things in exactly opposite to yours. Go figure.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
So this is not based on an actual event or person? Sounds very real to me. I guess this is one way to find work in Hollywood, but I sure would not want to face that kind of danger in order to be employed!
Thanks for sharing this story, Nomi.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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So this is not based on an actual event or person? Sounds very real to me. I guess this is one way to find work in Hollywood, but I sure would not want to face that kind of danger in order to be employed!
Thanks for sharing this story, Nomi.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 19-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you for your very generous comments.
Comment from mermaids
This is an excellent tale that held my interest. It is different with the main character using his skills in a way different from show biz. Good character development and your story reads like a mini movie.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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This is an excellent tale that held my interest. It is different with the main character using his skills in a way different from show biz. Good character development and your story reads like a mini movie.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2025
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Thank you. That is very encouraging to read.
