A Serendipitous Meeting
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Serendipitous Chapter 5 A pt 1"Traditional in a modern world..
29 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
And how can I not fell for this Ty guy? He seems so nice and genuine and the way he takes care of Rebecca... oh my:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2025
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And how can I not fell for this Ty guy? He seems so nice and genuine and the way he takes care of Rebecca... oh my:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2025
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Ty is a great guy. I want him in my life. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Wow, rebeka's father is not good at all. You did a good job developing the character.
I like Tyler..... he will be great help with the baby.
Some Christians don't walk the talk, it's so cynical.
Well done!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2025
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Wow, rebeka's father is not good at all. You did a good job developing the character.
I like Tyler..... he will be great help with the baby.
Some Christians don't walk the talk, it's so cynical.
Well done!
Gypsy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2025
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There are many Christians who are only Christians Sunday morning in Church. They're the ones who give Christians bad names. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Great job on capturing the tension at the meeting with Beka's parents. No wonder she was pertrified to share this news with her father in particular. Excellent characterization.
A few thoughts:
"Small talk about the scenery and similar conversations continued, before Rebeka said . . ." Word choice suggestion: 'Continued' would indicate their conversation had already been noted. Perhaps: They engaged in small talk about the scenery for a while before Rebeka said . . .
"It was for everybody involved." For emphasis suggest: It was. For everybody involved.
"Silence." Perhaps: They both fell silent.
" . . . modest house and opened the passenger door." Suggest: . . . and (then) opened the . . .
"A shouting match ensued." Suggest delete. The scene goes on to show this.
Description could be added instead:
Elijah's (loud,) angry voice was heard, . . .
"How can you treat her like this?" Tyler (shouted at him.)
"Did you hear your (father's) and my discussion"?
Sounds like she needs to go on bedrest to possibly avoid a miscarraige. I haven't been able to read the first chapters yet, but I plan to.
Sol
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2025
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Great job on capturing the tension at the meeting with Beka's parents. No wonder she was pertrified to share this news with her father in particular. Excellent characterization.
A few thoughts:
"Small talk about the scenery and similar conversations continued, before Rebeka said . . ." Word choice suggestion: 'Continued' would indicate their conversation had already been noted. Perhaps: They engaged in small talk about the scenery for a while before Rebeka said . . .
"It was for everybody involved." For emphasis suggest: It was. For everybody involved.
"Silence." Perhaps: They both fell silent.
" . . . modest house and opened the passenger door." Suggest: . . . and (then) opened the . . .
"A shouting match ensued." Suggest delete. The scene goes on to show this.
Description could be added instead:
Elijah's (loud,) angry voice was heard, . . .
"How can you treat her like this?" Tyler (shouted at him.)
"Did you hear your (father's) and my discussion"?
Sounds like she needs to go on bedrest to possibly avoid a miscarraige. I haven't been able to read the first chapters yet, but I plan to.
Sol
Comment Written 16-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2025
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Thank you for sharing these edits with me. I really appreciate the help.
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Thank you for sharing these edits with me. I really appreciate the help. FanStory won't allow me to nominate you again for the reviewing contest vote. I'm so sorry.
Comment from patcelaw
This is very nicely written and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well when you are reading it aloud. Your sentence and structure your paragraph and your punctuation makes it all a very good piece to listen to. Patricia.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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This is very nicely written and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well when you are reading it aloud. Your sentence and structure your paragraph and your punctuation makes it all a very good piece to listen to. Patricia.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! I wasn't surprised, but her father is some kind of pharisee! You wonder how he has treated her mother over the years, as well. You are doing well. I hope these two might connect, eventually. No spags.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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Wow! I wasn't surprised, but her father is some kind of pharisee! You wonder how he has treated her mother over the years, as well. You are doing well. I hope these two might connect, eventually. No spags.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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We'll discover later on how he treats his wife. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Well, well, well, the father is quite a piece of . . . .work. I think you niled down his character beautifully. That is, if your aim was to get your readers to want to kick him in the arse.
Tyler is a good dude. Wondering if he is just hanging around to help with the baby.
Douglas
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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Well, well, well, the father is quite a piece of . . . .work. I think you niled down his character beautifully. That is, if your aim was to get your readers to want to kick him in the arse.
Tyler is a good dude. Wondering if he is just hanging around to help with the baby.
Douglas
Comment Written 15-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2025
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We'll have to wait and see what Tyler's intentions are. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Tyler's absolutely correct, a daughter needs the understanding and acceptance, the forgiveness of a father who understands grace, God would never cast us out, nor would He disown her, as Elijah did, a rude, proud, obnoxious man, who doesn't understand God at all, beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2025
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Tyler's absolutely correct, a daughter needs the understanding and acceptance, the forgiveness of a father who understands grace, God would never cast us out, nor would He disown her, as Elijah did, a rude, proud, obnoxious man, who doesn't understand God at all, beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2025
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We will explore this subject a little more throughout the novel. Thank you for the understanding.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I figured Rebeka's father was going to be exactly like that. It's too bad that some people think they are Christians and miss the whole of Christ's command to love and be humble before God. Hooray for Tyler to stand up for Rebeka!
At least, Rebeka's mother is more caring and has Tyler's contact info.
I thought maybe some action tag about Tyler giving her money would be helpful here:
"I know. Also, get a drink and something to eat."
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2025
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Well, I figured Rebeka's father was going to be exactly like that. It's too bad that some people think they are Christians and miss the whole of Christ's command to love and be humble before God. Hooray for Tyler to stand up for Rebeka!
At least, Rebeka's mother is more caring and has Tyler's contact info.
I thought maybe some action tag about Tyler giving her money would be helpful here:
"I know. Also, get a drink and something to eat."
Comment Written 15-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2025
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I will check that area out again. Thank you for the kind review. Rebeka has a lot to think about. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Mistydawn
I was hoping I was wrong about what confronting her dad would do to her. I do hope she'll be alright. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2025
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I was hoping I was wrong about what confronting her dad would do to her. I do hope she'll be alright. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2025
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Thank you for sharing this kind review with me.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written chapter. It had me on pins and needles as I read it. Rebeka's father is not a nice man at all! Maybe it's the way he was brought up. You used great dialogue and great imagery! love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2025
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This is a very well written chapter. It had me on pins and needles as I read it. Rebeka's father is not a nice man at all! Maybe it's the way he was brought up. You used great dialogue and great imagery! love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 14-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the encouragement.
