Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Drawing One to Three Aces"Scripts
15 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Mikey,
It might have been nice for the stranded couple to at least say thanks, but after their previous behavior, I can see how that wouldn't be in the cards, so to speak. I think you've set the tone through dialogue as to their positions in the Vegas nightlife and made allusions to their histories. Nice job on the stage direction too.
I know nothing of script writing but it seems to me you've done a good job here. I have just one very minor suggestion:
Old Scotsman
William Wallace killed fifty men ... fifty, if it was one.
(Ever read the Outlander books? lol I happen to love them. I think the Old Scotsman is too proper in his speech here. It sounds too rigid somehow. Perhaps he'd have said something like, "William Wallace kil't fifty men"? (didn't want it to be confused with their Scottish kilt) When next I read Diana Gabaldon I'll let you know for sure ;)
Good job!
Kim
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Hi Mikey,
It might have been nice for the stranded couple to at least say thanks, but after their previous behavior, I can see how that wouldn't be in the cards, so to speak. I think you've set the tone through dialogue as to their positions in the Vegas nightlife and made allusions to their histories. Nice job on the stage direction too.
I know nothing of script writing but it seems to me you've done a good job here. I have just one very minor suggestion:
Old Scotsman
William Wallace killed fifty men ... fifty, if it was one.
(Ever read the Outlander books? lol I happen to love them. I think the Old Scotsman is too proper in his speech here. It sounds too rigid somehow. Perhaps he'd have said something like, "William Wallace kil't fifty men"? (didn't want it to be confused with their Scottish kilt) When next I read Diana Gabaldon I'll let you know for sure ;)
Good job!
Kim
Comment Written 26-Jan-2017
Comment from Sefiros
This is insane. Green Lantern is talking to bums in Las Vegas? Is there some sort of multi-universal nexus between worlds that led to this place. This is fun because it's wacky, and I enjoyed reading you cut loose with this story. Very good job.
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This is insane. Green Lantern is talking to bums in Las Vegas? Is there some sort of multi-universal nexus between worlds that led to this place. This is fun because it's wacky, and I enjoyed reading you cut loose with this story. Very good job.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2017
Comment from ciliverde
Is so good, Mikey! I was transfixed throughout - no exaggeration. I loved the premise of the story, the characters came alive immediately, and I think they learned some things about themselves in the process. And so my might we, the readers, have some food for thought. Great job !!
Carol
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Is so good, Mikey! I was transfixed throughout - no exaggeration. I loved the premise of the story, the characters came alive immediately, and I think they learned some things about themselves in the process. And so my might we, the readers, have some food for thought. Great job !!
Carol
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
Comment from frierajac
It reminds me of an old movie and is very entertaining. I don't
have any suggestions. The way you keep interest with the
character who is schizoid is clever and engaging.
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It reminds me of an old movie and is very entertaining. I don't
have any suggestions. The way you keep interest with the
character who is schizoid is clever and engaging.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a great 'never judge a book by it's cover' script mikey, with great dialogue and your descriptions of the alley put us right there with these characters. Well done, enjoyed,
cheers,
valda
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This is a great 'never judge a book by it's cover' script mikey, with great dialogue and your descriptions of the alley put us right there with these characters. Well done, enjoyed,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
Comment from country ranch writer
THAT WILL GET THE ADRENALINE GOING THATS FOR SURE TO WARM THINGS UP A BIT AND HAVE SOME WILD ACTION IN THE PROCESS. THEY AREN'T READY TO BE PUT OUT TO PASTURE AS THEY SAVE THOSE UNGRATEFUL ASSES FROM BEING RAPED AND MAYBE KILLED. NEVER WILL THEY BE SO EASY TO CONDEMN SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE DOWN ON THEIR LUCK!
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THAT WILL GET THE ADRENALINE GOING THATS FOR SURE TO WARM THINGS UP A BIT AND HAVE SOME WILD ACTION IN THE PROCESS. THEY AREN'T READY TO BE PUT OUT TO PASTURE AS THEY SAVE THOSE UNGRATEFUL ASSES FROM BEING RAPED AND MAYBE KILLED. NEVER WILL THEY BE SO EASY TO CONDEMN SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE DOWN ON THEIR LUCK!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
Comment from Rasmine
Well, for being clueless, this is pretty good. I like this better than the one you had for practice--hipsters. I don't know if I'll try this, I'm totally clueless, too! :P
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Well, for being clueless, this is pretty good. I like this better than the one you had for practice--hipsters. I don't know if I'll try this, I'm totally clueless, too! :P
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
Comment from damommy
A lovely script. I particularly like the way you showed these homeless people to be decent and caring. Too often, people assume they are low-down and dangerous. So unfair and unkind.
Bill see people from the past. It makes him happy.
Wonderful characters that you brought to life. I could see the scene as if I were in the alley with them. 8-)
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A lovely script. I particularly like the way you showed these homeless people to be decent and caring. Too often, people assume they are low-down and dangerous. So unfair and unkind.
Bill see people from the past. It makes him happy.
Wonderful characters that you brought to life. I could see the scene as if I were in the alley with them. 8-)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
Michael, I think this is a great little play or scriit or whatever it is. I think it would be great in a little thesyer. This is your best idea with these and the one you should expand. Lots of fun and possibilities with adding the fsmous chsracters and their comments. I remember Humphreys speech. Hehe. NG
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Michael, I think this is a great little play or scriit or whatever it is. I think it would be great in a little thesyer. This is your best idea with these and the one you should expand. Lots of fun and possibilities with adding the fsmous chsracters and their comments. I remember Humphreys speech. Hehe. NG
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
In the last past you refer to the stranded woman as women, as when he put his hand on her shouder.That is the only flaw I see in a very well written and cute form of dialoge. Had my laugh for the day.
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In the last past you refer to the stranded woman as women, as when he put his hand on her shouder.That is the only flaw I see in a very well written and cute form of dialoge. Had my laugh for the day.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
