The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Envelope"A Novel
19 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Good afternoon, Tony
I know how I feel after reading this, but I am unable to express it in words.
Forgive me
A wonderful likeness--Peking ducks in an oriental market.
old men sitting on a low wall conveniently placed between the pissoir and their stalls--few writers can manage to turn a toilet into a place to visit :)
love the wording here that follows on in such opposite direction
Lastly, and very much to the point in those heady days of the Moulin Rouge and of the can-can, was the pinkness of that ancient stamp to turn red, in time, with shame? I don't know how to say what I feel here except that I love the subtlety.
the end of this most wonderful chapter is a perfect nugget of things to come. I can't wait for the next.
If only I could write as well...
thank you
kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Good afternoon, Tony
I know how I feel after reading this, but I am unable to express it in words.
Forgive me
A wonderful likeness--Peking ducks in an oriental market.
old men sitting on a low wall conveniently placed between the pissoir and their stalls--few writers can manage to turn a toilet into a place to visit :)
love the wording here that follows on in such opposite direction
Lastly, and very much to the point in those heady days of the Moulin Rouge and of the can-can, was the pinkness of that ancient stamp to turn red, in time, with shame? I don't know how to say what I feel here except that I love the subtlety.
the end of this most wonderful chapter is a perfect nugget of things to come. I can't wait for the next.
If only I could write as well...
thank you
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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You have written some lovely things here, Tracey, to accompany your six star award. Thank you so much!
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The pleasure was all mine, Tony.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a good start to what promises to be an extremely good story, Tony. I liken old letters with their stamps still attached, to the names on old weathered gravestones. The name and dates conjure up many fascinating thoughts of the person it is relates to, and the writer. I look forward to finding out what the mystery is surrounding Mademoiselle Suzanne Daudeville. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
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This is a good start to what promises to be an extremely good story, Tony. I liken old letters with their stamps still attached, to the names on old weathered gravestones. The name and dates conjure up many fascinating thoughts of the person it is relates to, and the writer. I look forward to finding out what the mystery is surrounding Mademoiselle Suzanne Daudeville. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
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Thanks for your comments about this. I'm thinking that it may be a bit slow moving for an opening chapter. Perhaps I should start with the cafe scene - which comes first chronologically anyway.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I'm excited to see you take on a novel, Tony! I've always liked your prose writing.
Your first sentence is great, but it's 60 words long. I was taught most readers can handle only 20-25 words before they get lost. You have great descriptions in your chapter, but I wonder if there's some action sequence or grabber to draw the reader into the story with a few images, dialogue, or action. Some kind of "Oh, wow!" to yank the reader in immediately. Best of luck to you with this project.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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I'm excited to see you take on a novel, Tony! I've always liked your prose writing.
Your first sentence is great, but it's 60 words long. I was taught most readers can handle only 20-25 words before they get lost. You have great descriptions in your chapter, but I wonder if there's some action sequence or grabber to draw the reader into the story with a few images, dialogue, or action. Some kind of "Oh, wow!" to yank the reader in immediately. Best of luck to you with this project.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for this review, Karyn. You are absolutely right, of course! That is one long tapeworm of a sentence and definitely needs cutting into shorter segments. It's a terrible way to start trying to grab anyone's attention! I agree, too, that I need a hook at the start to reel readers in - and, because of that - I suspect that this won't end up being the first chapter in the final re-write. Different people have picked up different things in their reviews. I'm lucky to belong to such a supportive group. Once again, many thanks for your input. All the best, Tony
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image for your story.
-The chapter is well penned with
vivid description of the scenes
and people in them.
-I like the "heavenly" description of Gabriel Avenue.
-Good transition to your imaginings that
lead to the questions at the end about
Mademoiselle Suzanne Daudeville and
the mystery of "Friday, 13th February, 1903."
-A very good conclusion to the chapter.
-Good luck with this project, Tony, as we
await further developments of the
mysteries presented here.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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-A good image for your story.
-The chapter is well penned with
vivid description of the scenes
and people in them.
-I like the "heavenly" description of Gabriel Avenue.
-Good transition to your imaginings that
lead to the questions at the end about
Mademoiselle Suzanne Daudeville and
the mystery of "Friday, 13th February, 1903."
-A very good conclusion to the chapter.
-Good luck with this project, Tony, as we
await further developments of the
mysteries presented here.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Pam. I appreciate your help and the six stars. I've made one or two changes on the advice of various reviewers and am now well into Chapter 2. All the best, Tony
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Tony. I am glad you are getting helpful input. I look forward to chapter two.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
You've created the mood and atmosphere beautifully in this opening chapter.
I can picture the stalls separated by nearly a half-century of time and change.
There is an underlying mystic and mystery. The century old letter,
first attracting interest by its exterior - the stamp, date, name.
Excellent reference to Maigret and suggestion of an "unlucky" day.
But, of course, it is what is within, the content of the letter,
that may open doors best left closed.
I'm looking forward to what intrigue may ensue.
The writing style is excellent. Well done.
Robert
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Hello Tony,
You've created the mood and atmosphere beautifully in this opening chapter.
I can picture the stalls separated by nearly a half-century of time and change.
There is an underlying mystic and mystery. The century old letter,
first attracting interest by its exterior - the stamp, date, name.
Excellent reference to Maigret and suggestion of an "unlucky" day.
But, of course, it is what is within, the content of the letter,
that may open doors best left closed.
I'm looking forward to what intrigue may ensue.
The writing style is excellent. Well done.
Robert
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thanks for this review, Robert, and for your six star award. I'm in unfamiliar territory here and not sure what direction the story will take at this stage. Delighted that you found the first chapter worthwhile.
Comment from estory
I think this piece really captures the feeling of nostalgia in the descriptions of the faded stalls, the dwindling patrons, the cooing of the pidgeons, the romantic city swirling around the market. And you also give us an experience of the feelings you had when you started collecting these stamps; the lure of the exotic, the far away places, the mysteries involving the people who sent the letters. I think it was a strong piece of nostalgia, a shadow of the mysterious and exotic that gives our lives its flavor estory
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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I think this piece really captures the feeling of nostalgia in the descriptions of the faded stalls, the dwindling patrons, the cooing of the pidgeons, the romantic city swirling around the market. And you also give us an experience of the feelings you had when you started collecting these stamps; the lure of the exotic, the far away places, the mysteries involving the people who sent the letters. I think it was a strong piece of nostalgia, a shadow of the mysterious and exotic that gives our lives its flavor estory
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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Very many thanks for your comments and for the six stars, estory. I'm in unfamiliar territory here and your review is most affirming. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Halfree
Had a real problem getting into the story. The first paragraph was long and did not set the scene very well. The second paragraph would be (my opinion) a better opening. The story uses a lot of space, lines, or whatever, before I realize that the opening is set in stamp market (or market of some kind)
Why "horse chestnut"? Why not just chestnut?
The remark about "lurid pictures". I know that lurid can mean colorful but it also might carry a sexual connotation might look for some other word.
The story needs some editing, the long run on paragraphs dump a lot of information that seems somewhat disjointed. One I got past the long run-on sentences the story started to take shape. Think you have something here, needs some editing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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Had a real problem getting into the story. The first paragraph was long and did not set the scene very well. The second paragraph would be (my opinion) a better opening. The story uses a lot of space, lines, or whatever, before I realize that the opening is set in stamp market (or market of some kind)
Why "horse chestnut"? Why not just chestnut?
The remark about "lurid pictures". I know that lurid can mean colorful but it also might carry a sexual connotation might look for some other word.
The story needs some editing, the long run on paragraphs dump a lot of information that seems somewhat disjointed. One I got past the long run-on sentences the story started to take shape. Think you have something here, needs some editing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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I appreciate your taking the time to review this and value your opinion. You are absolutely right about the switching of paragraphs 1 and 2. This makes perfect sense to me.
The horse chestnut is a different tree to the chestnut. It is reasonably common throughout Europe and is used quite often as an avenue tree. It lines both sides of the street where the Paris stamp market is held.
I'll have a think about "lurid" - I hadn't considered the possible sexual connotation.
I'm not sure if you might have been looking at an earlier version of the chapter. I had another comment about paragraph length and shortened some of them. I'll have another look at the more complex sentences.
I found this review particularly help and thank you for it.
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Think you have one good story working, Keep at it and remember a review is one man's way of seeing things...stay with your gut feelings and things will happen and be OK.
Comment from Pantygynt
A mouth-watering preface to what I fancy could be a most interesting tale. I learnt early on that the more interesting the picture on the stamp, aeroplanes, ships etc. the less inevitably would be its value and, as a resulte i quickly lost interest in philately.
This however is a whole envelope and as such covers a multitude of possibilities soon to be received. Does the double entendre of the title conceal a risque tale of sexual intrigue? Is the ghost of Guy de Maupassant about to stalk the posts of La Fanstorie Fantastique?
I have to say I am intrigued as ypu extend your foray into the world of prose.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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A mouth-watering preface to what I fancy could be a most interesting tale. I learnt early on that the more interesting the picture on the stamp, aeroplanes, ships etc. the less inevitably would be its value and, as a resulte i quickly lost interest in philately.
This however is a whole envelope and as such covers a multitude of possibilities soon to be received. Does the double entendre of the title conceal a risque tale of sexual intrigue? Is the ghost of Guy de Maupassant about to stalk the posts of La Fanstorie Fantastique?
I have to say I am intrigued as ypu extend your foray into the world of prose.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Jim. I'm not sure where this is going next. The next page is still blank!
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Interesting!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. It's good to see you start another story on here. The post contains outstanding imagery throughout, like: "A sultry morning breeze lifted the red, white and blue tricolour that could just be seen beyond the trees, flying from the Grand Palace and languidly proclaiming its message of Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity. A pair of impertinent young sparrows foraged at my feet without fear, as if to emphasise the truth of this unlikely assertion."
And: "....., and what manner of person might have merited the sweep of cursive script now fading across these tattered surfaces, browned with age."
Good writing, Tony. Bless you, friend. Bob
Suggestions: "These weathered stalls were manned by a handful of weathered enthusiasts" (Perhaps change one of these so they are not so close together and sounding repetitious.)
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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Hi, Tony. It's good to see you start another story on here. The post contains outstanding imagery throughout, like: "A sultry morning breeze lifted the red, white and blue tricolour that could just be seen beyond the trees, flying from the Grand Palace and languidly proclaiming its message of Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity. A pair of impertinent young sparrows foraged at my feet without fear, as if to emphasise the truth of this unlikely assertion."
And: "....., and what manner of person might have merited the sweep of cursive script now fading across these tattered surfaces, browned with age."
Good writing, Tony. Bless you, friend. Bob
Suggestions: "These weathered stalls were manned by a handful of weathered enthusiasts" (Perhaps change one of these so they are not so close together and sounding repetitious.)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Bob. I appreciate and value your comments. I've now changed that sentence to "These weathered stalls were manned by a handful of seasoned enthusiasts".
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
this is an excellent start to the piece. The writing gives a real sense of place, a smattering of backstory, and introduction to character. It sets up questions very well for the reader with those final lines.
very nice work.
GMG
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Hi there,
this is an excellent start to the piece. The writing gives a real sense of place, a smattering of backstory, and introduction to character. It sets up questions very well for the reader with those final lines.
very nice work.
GMG
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Very many thanks for taking the time to review this one, Gareth. I've quite a bit to learn when it comes to structuring a novel and your comments suggesting that I am on the right track are most encouraging. All the best, Tony
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You've done one the hardest bits already, beginning and engaging the reader. really good opener. G
