Postponed introduction 101 words
Jadyn has second thoughts.18 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is short and sweet and both sad and hopeful. She has found her birth mother but not in the situation she had hoped. Maybe in the future she can help her out of this drug house and slum. The speaker is lucky to have love adoptive parents to return too.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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This is short and sweet and both sad and hopeful. She has found her birth mother but not in the situation she had hoped. Maybe in the future she can help her out of this drug house and slum. The speaker is lucky to have love adoptive parents to return too.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
dp
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a very sad write and such a turnaround of fortunes, when we always expect our parents to be the one's guiding us, a poignant write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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This is a very sad write and such a turnaround of fortunes, when we always expect our parents to be the one's guiding us, a poignant write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reviewing.
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Mark Valentine
I think the key to these flash fiction pieces is for the writing to allude to a more complex backstory that will be understood by the reader, even though not explicitly spelled out. You do that wonderfully here. The protagonist has an adopted family that loves her, but is intrigued at (and scared by) the prospect of meeting her biological mother. For now, the security of the known serves as a secure base for her. (I think that's what the story's about anyway - I could be wrong). At any rate, it's wonderful - good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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I think the key to these flash fiction pieces is for the writing to allude to a more complex backstory that will be understood by the reader, even though not explicitly spelled out. You do that wonderfully here. The protagonist has an adopted family that loves her, but is intrigued at (and scared by) the prospect of meeting her biological mother. For now, the security of the known serves as a secure base for her. (I think that's what the story's about anyway - I could be wrong). At any rate, it's wonderful - good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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That is exactly what it is about. I am finding that in writing flash fiction, it is very similar to writing an opening paragraph that you hope will peak the readers interest to read on.
Thank you for your insightful review
Comment from Dawnya
Wow. That was a profound bit of short fiction. Most of the flash fiction that I've read ends in a light surprise and is fun to read, but this is powerful. I feel her fear, anxiety, and desperate hope. As she turns to leave, it's not fear that consumes her, but the knowledge that she can return to a loving home. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Wow. That was a profound bit of short fiction. Most of the flash fiction that I've read ends in a light surprise and is fun to read, but this is powerful. I feel her fear, anxiety, and desperate hope. As she turns to leave, it's not fear that consumes her, but the knowledge that she can return to a loving home. Well done!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you do much for the great review.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
A good piece you've crafted here for the competition. Good depth considering the limited word count which is spot on.
Jadyn side-stepped the spilled - sidestepped could be a single word here.
in the used syringes underfoot.. Damn - you have double punctuation after underfoot.
what waited just beyond.
.
Reconsidering- delete the full stop / period from the clear line here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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hi there,
A good piece you've crafted here for the competition. Good depth considering the limited word count which is spot on.
Jadyn side-stepped the spilled - sidestepped could be a single word here.
in the used syringes underfoot.. Damn - you have double punctuation after underfoot.
what waited just beyond.
.
Reconsidering- delete the full stop / period from the clear line here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thanks for the corrections
Comment from Gloria ....
Dallas this is a terrific flash fiction. Setting, characters, conflict and resolution all present and the twist at the ending is surprising and heart wrenching.
Really great write and I wish much luck with this beauty.
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Dallas this is a terrific flash fiction. Setting, characters, conflict and resolution all present and the twist at the ending is surprising and heart wrenching.
Really great write and I wish much luck with this beauty.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thanks for the great review.
Comment from tfawcus
Exceptional flash fiction. The tragedy of having a mother who is on skid row is delivered with high impact in that last sentence. The way you have structured the story emphasises the role reversal.
I'd be surprised if this one isn't in the winners' circle.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Exceptional flash fiction. The tragedy of having a mother who is on skid row is delivered with high impact in that last sentence. The way you have structured the story emphasises the role reversal.
I'd be surprised if this one isn't in the winners' circle.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thanks fot the vote of confidence.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
So she was going to visit her Mom who is a crack head and she thinks better of it . She returns to those people who had loved and raised her. I had to read it a couple of times before I understood what it was all about> LOL well done Dallas. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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So she was going to visit her Mom who is a crack head and she thinks better of it . She returns to those people who had loved and raised her. I had to read it a couple of times before I understood what it was all about> LOL well done Dallas. :) Nancy
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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You got it, Nancy
. Thanks fir reviewing.
Comment from Joan E.
I relished your detailed opening lines with the alliteration of "s's" to intensify them. Your unexpected conclusion was compelling. Well done! Best wishes in the Flash Fiction competition- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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I relished your detailed opening lines with the alliteration of "s's" to intensify them. Your unexpected conclusion was compelling. Well done! Best wishes in the Flash Fiction competition- Joan
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thanks for the great review and the bonus star. Have a great wéekend.
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Comment from Mastery
Hi, Alice. This is excellent flash fiction. Your use of strong adjectives and verbs propels the story just fine,
Suggestions though, if I may: Start a second paragraph after the word " breezeway."
Also, You might change the word "clothed" to either "cloaked" or "hidden"
Good luck in the contest, Alice. Bob
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Hi, Alice. This is excellent flash fiction. Your use of strong adjectives and verbs propels the story just fine,
Suggestions though, if I may: Start a second paragraph after the word " breezeway."
Also, You might change the word "clothed" to either "cloaked" or "hidden"
Good luck in the contest, Alice. Bob
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thanks , Bob. I was going to use the word shielded but used clothed because it is rarely used.
