| Biographical Non-Fiction posted December 22, 2020 | Chapters: |
...86 87 -88- 89... 
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It wasn't easy to see my oldest child leave home.
A chapter in the book Remembering Yesterday
Leaving the Nest
by BethShelby
| Background The chapter deals with my mother's health problem. My oldest leaving home home. Things going on with the other children and my husband's work related conflicts. This is 1983 in New Orleans. |
For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.
Some people go to the doctor and do everything they are told without question. Doctors love having these kind of people for patients. My mother was not one of them. She didn’t go to doctors often, and when she did, she wanted to know exactly what was happening with her body. When she was told she had thyroid cancer, she allowed the doctor to remove part of the thyroid, and she did a couple of the chemo treatments without giving the doctor too many problems, but after that she started questioning everything he told her. He had done some other tests and told her the cancer was in her lymph system. He said that she had lymphoma.
After the fourth chemo treatment, she asked one question too many. The doctor told her, “You have cancer and it is terminal, but I know you don’t believe a word I’m telling you, so I don’t want to treat you any more. I would suggest you go find yourself another doctor.”
Mom was driving twenty-five miles from Newton to Meridian for treatment. Daddy's attitude toward doctors was as bad as Mother's. Because he had no faith in doctors, he didn’t believe that she had ever had cancer. He said if it was really cancer, it shouldn’t have taken a month to get a diagnosis.
Mom didn’t know any other cancer doctors, so she just stopped having treatments. She was juicing greens and broccoli and trying to eat healthy foods. She quit taking the thyroid medicine the doctor told her she would need to stay on the rest of her life. Mom was sixty-eight at the time. Her hair grew back, and she regained much of her strength. The surgery left her voice with a hoarse quality, and the chemo treatments shrunk her veins, but other than that, she seemed no worse for the wear. She and Dad celebrated their 50 anniversary that year.
*********
Carol started looking for work, and after she found something, she packed leaving home for good. One of the most emotional moments for me was when I watched her saying goodbye to Connie. She had treated Connie almost like she was her own child. When I heard her telling Connie that she was so sorry that she wouldn’t be around to watch her grow up, it made me realize that life was about to change for all of us. Even now when I think about that moment, I feel tears coming on. Always before, even with them away, I felt like our home was still theirs. From now on, she would only visit. I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to say goodbye.
After she left, Don moved into her room, because it gave him a little more privacy. Christi took his room and Connie had a room of her own. We sold the bunk beds Connie and Christi had shared and got a double bed for Connie.
Carol's first nursing job was working at a small hospital in Valdosta, Georgia. She and a friend named Carolyn rented a trailer near Moody Air Force Base. We sold her one of our cars at a low price, so she would have some way to get around. Her Bible teacher at the church she attended was a doctor who had a clinic in an even smaller town in Georgia. Carol met one of his sons, named Glen Egolf, and they began doing things together. I think she was still writing Tommy as well. Dr Egolf had a wife, four sons, and a daughter. Carol got to know the whole family and became a frequent visitor at their home.
The nursing job was difficult for her at first, because, since the hospital was small, nurses had to work in all departments and do everything without much supervision. In a larger hospital, she would have been put in one department like orthopedic or pediatrics.
*********
After Don wasn’t able to go back to Southern for the second semester, Christi decided she wanted to wait on her twin, so she didn’t go back either. She hadn’t decided on a major, and she didn’t have enough college hours toward anything in particular. She had tried taking nursing courses, but she decided that wasn’t something she wanted to do. She thought she needed to make a decision before she went back. We had to agree, because if taking classes wasn’t leading toward a degree, she was wasting money being there.
In the summer of 1983, Christi got a job for a second year at Camp Blue Ridge in Virginia. Don worked at Yorktown Bay, a summer camp in Arkansas. Christi met a boy named Glen, who was a minister’s son from Australia. She was crazy about him. After camp ended, he came to New Orleans to see her and to meet us. Glen was an interesting young man. He had taken a year off from college to see the United States, and he intended to see as much of it as possible. When he left on his “walk-about,” he and Christi continued to write. After he got back to Australia, he wrote letters wanting her to come to Sydney and visit him. She was working and trying to save enough money to go.
*********
Your company sent you for some training sessions, preparing you to move up in the company. You weren’t really interested in moving up. What you really wanted to do was take an early retirement, but you went for the sessions. The first one you went to was a course on the Power of Positive Thinking, but later courses required a lot of concentration. The classes were giving you severe headaches and nausea. Since the company had planned for you to go, you went reluctantly. On the third day, you came home and said you didn’t intend to do it any more, because it was too stressful. You never told me what the company thought of you refusing to go.
*********
In the Fall, Don started taking some night courses at the University of New Orleans in order to get his grade point average back up. He was taking an Economic course and also an English course that was called The Bible as Literature. I thought this would be an interesting and easy subject. He had to read old Testament stories from the Bible, and they would be discussed at length in class. I had the Bible on tape, so Don and I started listening to the Old Testament stories read aloud. I was shocked to learn that Don’s teacher referred to these stories as Jewish fables and folk tales. The teacher himself was an atheist. However, Don did start to make better grades. I think he was finally learning how to study.
It seemed our son was starting to get past his latest breakup. He was interested in some health seminars that were being held at our church. He and a girl he met became interested in colonic irrigation which is a way of cleansing the colon for health reasons. The subject seemed too gross to interest me. They were shown how to build a table with plastic hoses for this purpose. I was amazed that this would be a subject that a boy and girl could discuss together. Don built a table for himself, and then he helped her build one. There was also a girl in one of his classes that he seemed to like. She was from Iraq. She was Muslim and wore a hijab on her head. He and the girl would go out after class for coffee and sometimes they would study together.
Don had been rebaptized since he came back home and had joined the church choir. They were practicing for the Christmas Cantata. He would sing the lead part. The choir leader, who was a very pretty young lady from Singapore seemed extremely interested in him, even though she was several years older. Don considered her a good friend, but it appeared to us that we had a 'ladies man' on our hands.
Some people go to the doctor and do everything they are told without question. Doctors love having these kind of people for patients. My mother was not one of them. She didn’t go to doctors often, and when she did, she wanted to know exactly what was happening with her body. When she was told she had thyroid cancer, she allowed the doctor to remove part of the thyroid, and she did a couple of the chemo treatments without giving the doctor too many problems, but after that she started questioning everything he told her. He had done some other tests and told her the cancer was in her lymph system. He said that she had lymphoma.
After the fourth chemo treatment, she asked one question too many. The doctor told her, “You have cancer and it is terminal, but I know you don’t believe a word I’m telling you, so I don’t want to treat you any more. I would suggest you go find yourself another doctor.”
Mom was driving twenty-five miles from Newton to Meridian for treatment. Daddy's attitude toward doctors was as bad as Mother's. Because he had no faith in doctors, he didn’t believe that she had ever had cancer. He said if it was really cancer, it shouldn’t have taken a month to get a diagnosis.
Mom didn’t know any other cancer doctors, so she just stopped having treatments. She was juicing greens and broccoli and trying to eat healthy foods. She quit taking the thyroid medicine the doctor told her she would need to stay on the rest of her life. Mom was sixty-eight at the time. Her hair grew back, and she regained much of her strength. The surgery left her voice with a hoarse quality, and the chemo treatments shrunk her veins, but other than that, she seemed no worse for the wear. She and Dad celebrated their 50 anniversary that year.
*********
Carol started looking for work, and after she found something, she packed leaving home for good. One of the most emotional moments for me was when I watched her saying goodbye to Connie. She had treated Connie almost like she was her own child. When I heard her telling Connie that she was so sorry that she wouldn’t be around to watch her grow up, it made me realize that life was about to change for all of us. Even now when I think about that moment, I feel tears coming on. Always before, even with them away, I felt like our home was still theirs. From now on, she would only visit. I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to say goodbye.
After she left, Don moved into her room, because it gave him a little more privacy. Christi took his room and Connie had a room of her own. We sold the bunk beds Connie and Christi had shared and got a double bed for Connie.
Carol's first nursing job was working at a small hospital in Valdosta, Georgia. She and a friend named Carolyn rented a trailer near Moody Air Force Base. We sold her one of our cars at a low price, so she would have some way to get around. Her Bible teacher at the church she attended was a doctor who had a clinic in an even smaller town in Georgia. Carol met one of his sons, named Glen Egolf, and they began doing things together. I think she was still writing Tommy as well. Dr Egolf had a wife, four sons, and a daughter. Carol got to know the whole family and became a frequent visitor at their home.
The nursing job was difficult for her at first, because, since the hospital was small, nurses had to work in all departments and do everything without much supervision. In a larger hospital, she would have been put in one department like orthopedic or pediatrics.
*********
After Don wasn’t able to go back to Southern for the second semester, Christi decided she wanted to wait on her twin, so she didn’t go back either. She hadn’t decided on a major, and she didn’t have enough college hours toward anything in particular. She had tried taking nursing courses, but she decided that wasn’t something she wanted to do. She thought she needed to make a decision before she went back. We had to agree, because if taking classes wasn’t leading toward a degree, she was wasting money being there.
In the summer of 1983, Christi got a job for a second year at Camp Blue Ridge in Virginia. Don worked at Yorktown Bay, a summer camp in Arkansas. Christi met a boy named Glen, who was a minister’s son from Australia. She was crazy about him. After camp ended, he came to New Orleans to see her and to meet us. Glen was an interesting young man. He had taken a year off from college to see the United States, and he intended to see as much of it as possible. When he left on his “walk-about,” he and Christi continued to write. After he got back to Australia, he wrote letters wanting her to come to Sydney and visit him. She was working and trying to save enough money to go.
*********
Your company sent you for some training sessions, preparing you to move up in the company. You weren’t really interested in moving up. What you really wanted to do was take an early retirement, but you went for the sessions. The first one you went to was a course on the Power of Positive Thinking, but later courses required a lot of concentration. The classes were giving you severe headaches and nausea. Since the company had planned for you to go, you went reluctantly. On the third day, you came home and said you didn’t intend to do it any more, because it was too stressful. You never told me what the company thought of you refusing to go.
*********
In the Fall, Don started taking some night courses at the University of New Orleans in order to get his grade point average back up. He was taking an Economic course and also an English course that was called The Bible as Literature. I thought this would be an interesting and easy subject. He had to read old Testament stories from the Bible, and they would be discussed at length in class. I had the Bible on tape, so Don and I started listening to the Old Testament stories read aloud. I was shocked to learn that Don’s teacher referred to these stories as Jewish fables and folk tales. The teacher himself was an atheist. However, Don did start to make better grades. I think he was finally learning how to study.
It seemed our son was starting to get past his latest breakup. He was interested in some health seminars that were being held at our church. He and a girl he met became interested in colonic irrigation which is a way of cleansing the colon for health reasons. The subject seemed too gross to interest me. They were shown how to build a table with plastic hoses for this purpose. I was amazed that this would be a subject that a boy and girl could discuss together. Don built a table for himself, and then he helped her build one. There was also a girl in one of his classes that he seemed to like. She was from Iraq. She was Muslim and wore a hijab on her head. He and the girl would go out after class for coffee and sometimes they would study together.
Don had been rebaptized since he came back home and had joined the church choir. They were practicing for the Christmas Cantata. He would sing the lead part. The choir leader, who was a very pretty young lady from Singapore seemed extremely interested in him, even though she was several years older. Don considered her a good friend, but it appeared to us that we had a 'ladies man' on our hands.
 Recognized |
I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.
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