Indecision
Free Verse ~ Love poem20 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
Melissa I enjoyed your free verse immensely. The emotional responses are poignant, poetic and filled with yearning; the key element of unfulfilled desire.
Indecision is a most uncomfortable state of being with the opening expressing that nothing has happened in the past half year, or if metaphorically represented that nothing may happen for half a life-time. Surprising gems of unique observation and turns of phrases through the entire piece.
This is an accomplished poem that should do very well with the voters. I wish you great speed. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Melissa I enjoyed your free verse immensely. The emotional responses are poignant, poetic and filled with yearning; the key element of unfulfilled desire.
Indecision is a most uncomfortable state of being with the opening expressing that nothing has happened in the past half year, or if metaphorically represented that nothing may happen for half a life-time. Surprising gems of unique observation and turns of phrases through the entire piece.
This is an accomplished poem that should do very well with the voters. I wish you great speed. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Hello Gloria... I'm so sorry for the late response, but my life... my life is just too busy and I am neglecting my friends... so sorry. Thank you for your wonderful and perceptive comments. This is the homework from Jim's recent FV class and he had entered TS Eliot and Prufrock into the fray and I had a bone to pick with that indecisive gentleman. (Both poet and main character). LOL. I trust you are well and having a lovely autumn. Thanks again, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Wendyanne
Wow this was just a pure delight to read!!! I love the scene you have described in this line,
" a heart
that bursts with longing for
a simple hearth,
communion with
teacups and books with
phrases intermingled,
small talk of me and you".
Although it is free verse there are some good examples of rhymes with in it and alliteration. Wonderful!!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Wow this was just a pure delight to read!!! I love the scene you have described in this line,
" a heart
that bursts with longing for
a simple hearth,
communion with
teacups and books with
phrases intermingled,
small talk of me and you".
Although it is free verse there are some good examples of rhymes with in it and alliteration. Wonderful!!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Hello there Wendyanne. Thank you so very much for your wonderful review. I am delighted you enjoyed this one. My apologies for my late response!
Melissa
Comment from June Sargent
Well, I am certainly impressed, Melissa, with your free verse on indecision! This is a story of unrequited love based upon Eliot's rambling piece on missed opportunities. And it is his fault for not speaking up. You have become quite the poet. The classes you have been taking have brought out the muse in you. Great job!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Well, I am certainly impressed, Melissa, with your free verse on indecision! This is a story of unrequited love based upon Eliot's rambling piece on missed opportunities. And it is his fault for not speaking up. You have become quite the poet. The classes you have been taking have brought out the muse in you. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Hi June. Thanks so much. I am so unsure of myself with FV. This was a homework assignment from Jim's recent FV class. He introduced Eliot and his 'Prufrock' into the fray and I took exception with that gentleman... both poet and main character. LOL. Thanks again!!
Melissa
Comment from Paul McFarland
Thanks, Melissa, for sending me back to reread Eliot's poem. Your response is excellent. Lately, I have been writing responses to various poems.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Melissa, for sending me back to reread Eliot's poem. Your response is excellent. Lately, I have been writing responses to various poems.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Hi Paul. Thanks so much. Eliot's 'Prufrock' was exceptionally written, but I had a bone to pick with him ~ poet and main character. LOL. I am glad you enjoyed it. I am so unsure of myself with FV and usually stick to metered rhyme. I am s t r e t c h i n g. Ha! Thanks again!
Melissa
Comment from Eleri
I do like this poem and the form that you have chosen for it. I think that T S Eliot's poem is about social anxiety and acts like a stream of consciousness. You have, therefore, repeated this form well although I think you are being a little unkind to J Alfred.
Eleri
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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I do like this poem and the form that you have chosen for it. I think that T S Eliot's poem is about social anxiety and acts like a stream of consciousness. You have, therefore, repeated this form well although I think you are being a little unkind to J Alfred.
Eleri
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Thanks so much Eleri. I really appreciate your thoughts about this verse!!
Melissa
Comment from phill doran
Melissa,
I am in awe.
This is brilliant; a stunning piece of work. I have read it several times this morning alone and I will bookmark it now so that I may read it again, whenever I need to be reminded of just how wonderful words can be, in the right hands; ("...Shall I capture its essence and / tuck it into my soul..." Indeed!)
From the opening phrasing ("...As June turns to December / all's the same...") I do not read this as a pastiche but rather as a homage: TSE is the framework, but you've filled it with such personal sentiment. The woman you have taken on as narrator is very real, very honest, and, in turns, wonderfully perceptive, melancholy and yet strong.
Her summary of the man ("...his tepid / warmth, constant revision...") is sharp, apt and how I've always considered Elliot let alone Prufrock!
You've captured the Englishness of the period superbly: "...teacups and books...", "...marmalade on toast...", "...the midwinter / shadows damp with / solitary cold..."
And you have used this canvas to paint some excellent phrasing "no place set for loneliness...", "...Uncertainty across his brow, / always fleeting, always now..." - and these, brilliant lines: "...Why does hesitation make his / steps falter upon my stairs / or to the altar..." (these lines resonate with Jim's influence, I feel).
However, I am running out of superlatives.
This is faultless - through hard work you have come so far, and I am excited for you. It cannot just be work alone though; you have a natural talent too. I stand in your shadow now: I wish I had the heart and vision to write this piece.
You should shop about for outside contests to enter - this is a very professional work.
I know you lack confidence, but that is a good thing. If you ever feel you've mastered anything, that's when you will go stale. Remain doubtful, it's a healthy state, one that will keep you pushing you.
Something stirs in you Melissa, and I am certain your very best is yet to come.
I wish you and your family well - and, as always, the very best with your continued writing.
Cheers
phill
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Melissa,
I am in awe.
This is brilliant; a stunning piece of work. I have read it several times this morning alone and I will bookmark it now so that I may read it again, whenever I need to be reminded of just how wonderful words can be, in the right hands; ("...Shall I capture its essence and / tuck it into my soul..." Indeed!)
From the opening phrasing ("...As June turns to December / all's the same...") I do not read this as a pastiche but rather as a homage: TSE is the framework, but you've filled it with such personal sentiment. The woman you have taken on as narrator is very real, very honest, and, in turns, wonderfully perceptive, melancholy and yet strong.
Her summary of the man ("...his tepid / warmth, constant revision...") is sharp, apt and how I've always considered Elliot let alone Prufrock!
You've captured the Englishness of the period superbly: "...teacups and books...", "...marmalade on toast...", "...the midwinter / shadows damp with / solitary cold..."
And you have used this canvas to paint some excellent phrasing "no place set for loneliness...", "...Uncertainty across his brow, / always fleeting, always now..." - and these, brilliant lines: "...Why does hesitation make his / steps falter upon my stairs / or to the altar..." (these lines resonate with Jim's influence, I feel).
However, I am running out of superlatives.
This is faultless - through hard work you have come so far, and I am excited for you. It cannot just be work alone though; you have a natural talent too. I stand in your shadow now: I wish I had the heart and vision to write this piece.
You should shop about for outside contests to enter - this is a very professional work.
I know you lack confidence, but that is a good thing. If you ever feel you've mastered anything, that's when you will go stale. Remain doubtful, it's a healthy state, one that will keep you pushing you.
Something stirs in you Melissa, and I am certain your very best is yet to come.
I wish you and your family well - and, as always, the very best with your continued writing.
Cheers
phill
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Hello Phill... I have read this review many times and fluctuate between excitement that you think these thoughts about my writing and an internal shaking of my head with the thought... I'm not good enough to be considered a good writer... I have no training (other than Jim's classes), credentials, or access to a larger world than FS. But to know that you, whom I highly regard, think I would have the ability to interest a wider audience thrills me and makes me smile a little. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! Jim has read your review and taken it up as well... he encouraged me to Google U S poetry contests. But, Phill, I have recently started reading poetry on Instagram and it is so very different from mine. Its like all modern poets are just "one throbbing nerve" it is all dredging the bottoms to express emotions, failures, crude and vulgar experiences. I have no interest in mixing with that kind of self aggrandizement. Is there a place for sensible poetry? Metered rhyme??? Flowing FreeVerse? I have posted a few of my poems on Instagram under a different name ~ dellraepoetry ~ and I have a few followers now. The main one wants me to pay him to promote my poetry ~ go figure??? Anyway, enough of that. I truly thank you for your note and will cherish it and reread it when I struggle to write! Hugs, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This indecision of which you speak what is it all about? I do not understand the last line where you write childless days of weekly visits.
Why weekly visits? Why childless days?
Anyway, this is romantic in a weird sort of way with the picture showing a woman with her head in her hand as if wondering why is it because he didn't call or decide to marry you.
A conundrum to be sure.
Jesse
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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This indecision of which you speak what is it all about? I do not understand the last line where you write childless days of weekly visits.
Why weekly visits? Why childless days?
Anyway, this is romantic in a weird sort of way with the picture showing a woman with her head in her hand as if wondering why is it because he didn't call or decide to marry you.
A conundrum to be sure.
Jesse
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Hello Jesse.thanks so much for your insightful review! The point of the verse was a rebuttal to T S Elliot's "The Love Story of J. Alfred Prufrock"... in it, Prufrock is indecisive and can't make up his mind. Just a take on his famous poem. LOL. Thanks again.
Melissa
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Yes, Melissa, but why childless?
That is what puzzled me.
Jesse
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Hi Jesse... The man ~ Prufrock ~ lived in the 1800s and would come once a week to visit and eat a meal... he would never commit to marriage because he liked his life the way it was... when a woman would get into that type of relationship, she spent a lot of time waiting for him to pop the question... years would go by. A woman wants to be cherished and considered so important that he wants to change and marry her... if she waits too long, she misses her childbearing years. She could easily look back over her shoulder and consider them 'childless years'
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Oooh. Thanks for clarifying that for me. Now I understand.
Best wishes,
Jesse
Comment from lyenochka
I love it! I always liked the Love Song of Prufrock but come to think of it, it's really not much of a love song and he does seem to just talk on and on about observations and growing old. I think your poem is the perfect woman's response. Great use of allusions of the T.S. Eliot poem!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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I love it! I always liked the Love Song of Prufrock but come to think of it, it's really not much of a love song and he does seem to just talk on and on about observations and growing old. I think your poem is the perfect woman's response. Great use of allusions of the T.S. Eliot poem!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Hello Helen. Thanks so much for your wonderful comments on my 'Prufrock' rebuttal. It was my homework assignment during Jim's recent class. I am so unsure of myself when it comes to FV ~ give me metered rhyme any day! LOL. Hugs... sorry for the late response!
Melissa
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You did great in the FV we took together. 💞
Comment from Carol Clark2
A well-written free verse in response to T.S. Eliot's "...J. Alfred Prufrock." I reread "Prufrock," since it's been a while. I like the internal rhyme you used. I also like the questions you asked throughout the poem. Best wishes in the contest. Nicely done! Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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A well-written free verse in response to T.S. Eliot's "...J. Alfred Prufrock." I reread "Prufrock," since it's been a while. I like the internal rhyme you used. I also like the questions you asked throughout the poem. Best wishes in the contest. Nicely done! Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Thanks so much Carol... so sorry for the late response. I thought the questions made the salient points for me... his indecisiveness and her frustration. Thank you again!
Melissa
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Yes, you did a great job with those questions. Hope your week is wonderful. Carol
Comment from damommy
This is beautiful, and powerful in a gentle way. People who are unable or unwilling to commit will miss out on all the things important in life. It doesn't matter who speaks first. I love the internal rhyme that you wove through the poem. Excellent job! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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This is beautiful, and powerful in a gentle way. People who are unable or unwilling to commit will miss out on all the things important in life. It doesn't matter who speaks first. I love the internal rhyme that you wove through the poem. Excellent job! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Hello Yvonne. So sorry for the late response. I really appreciate your take on this verse. We read "Prufrock" for the class Jim taught last week and this was my take... as a rebuttal. LOL. Thanks so much.
Melissa
