Lipstick Murder
Viewing comments for Prologue "Breaking Chains"After a lifetime of suffering, Tess’s world shatte
8 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, Interesting, though you may not exactly make it with Tess being a sympathetic MC, with her willingly allowing what happened to her and signing a pre-nup and not simply breaking a window and recovering her cash, or being self aware about her poor choices. Also, Not sure about the time frame, but placing it in a place and time where women had fewer options would be best.
notes:
Recommend looking over the speech tags.
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when her husband came stumbling inside reeking of liquor and cheap perfume, his nightly routine these past few months.
-Do you really want, yet another drunk and abusive husband cliche?
"I know about you." He slurs.
- "I know about you," he slurs.
"You know what, Steven?" She asks,
- "You know what, Steven?" she asks,
"You're hurting me, Steven." She cries,
-"You're hurting me, Steven," she cries,
"There's not a damn thing wrong with my hearing." he says,
-"There's not a damn thing wrong with my hearing," he says,
"No, Steven, please don't do this." She begs,
-"No, Steven, please don't do this," she begs,
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2025
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Hmm, Interesting, though you may not exactly make it with Tess being a sympathetic MC, with her willingly allowing what happened to her and signing a pre-nup and not simply breaking a window and recovering her cash, or being self aware about her poor choices. Also, Not sure about the time frame, but placing it in a place and time where women had fewer options would be best.
notes:
Recommend looking over the speech tags.
Â
when her husband came stumbling inside reeking of liquor and cheap perfume, his nightly routine these past few months.
-Do you really want, yet another drunk and abusive husband cliche?
"I know about you." He slurs.
- "I know about you," he slurs.
"You know what, Steven?" She asks,
- "You know what, Steven?" she asks,
"You're hurting me, Steven." She cries,
-"You're hurting me, Steven," she cries,
"There's not a damn thing wrong with my hearing." he says,
-"There's not a damn thing wrong with my hearing," he says,
"No, Steven, please don't do this." She begs,
-"No, Steven, please don't do this," she begs,
Comment Written 23-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for catching my mistakes. I'm sorry you couldn't connect with my MC. Hopefully I can remedy that in the following chapters if you choose to continue to follow my story that is. It's modern day settings, to raise awareness that despite the choices spousal abuse continues across the nation every day. The statistics is horrific and the death rate astronomical. Thank you again for reading my chapter. I do hope to see you again, take care.
Comment from LJbutterfly
We've all watched movies or read books about spousal abuse, and why women stay in dangerous, abusive relationships. I even posted an abuse story, "Chocolate Chip Cookie Revenge," a couple of years ago.
You have clearly described how abuse slowly begins, and the effects it has on a marriage. One of your strong writing features is your ability to clearly describe a scene. as evidenced in your first three paragraphs. I could almost feel the chill of icy rain. This is well done. Best wishes as you continue.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2025
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We've all watched movies or read books about spousal abuse, and why women stay in dangerous, abusive relationships. I even posted an abuse story, "Chocolate Chip Cookie Revenge," a couple of years ago.
You have clearly described how abuse slowly begins, and the effects it has on a marriage. One of your strong writing features is your ability to clearly describe a scene. as evidenced in your first three paragraphs. I could almost feel the chill of icy rain. This is well done. Best wishes as you continue.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm so glad you enjoyed it was emersed in the settings. I'd like to read your story. The title is intriguing. Thank you again, take care.
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written, and it was a pleasure to listen to. I only have one very small suggestion for you in the first paragraph on the last word of the first paragraph you do not need the word from you can just stop with evicted because you had used from earlier in the sentence so it's a double. Patricia.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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This is very well written, and it was a pleasure to listen to. I only have one very small suggestion for you in the first paragraph on the last word of the first paragraph you do not need the word from you can just stop with evicted because you had used from earlier in the sentence so it's a double. Patricia.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your tip about the double word. I'll edit it out. Thank you my friend, know that I've missed talking to you.
Comment from royowen
I think the abuse of women, and particularly children is the lowest of the low, taking advantage of one's own physical abilities is absolutely awful, this is nicely written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : more confin(n)ing than it was. 2: falls to (her) floor. The?
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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I think the abuse of women, and particularly children is the lowest of the low, taking advantage of one's own physical abilities is absolutely awful, this is nicely written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : more confin(n)ing than it was. 2: falls to (her) floor. The?
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for your help. You're right, they are. I do hope there's a special place in hell, a much hotter place just for them. Thank you again. Take care, it's so nice to talk to you again.
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Well done
Comment from Ulla
Hi Misty. This is an excellent start to your new book. I will certainly be following along. It's all so sad, a classic of a marriage going horribly wrong due to his abuse and excessive drinking.
A few suggestions:
Their marriage hadn't always been like that. (Delete 'no it')
A few months of marriage = After a few months of marriage
She did what she's told = She did what she was told
A few weeks later(,) it happened again.
All best, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Hi Misty. This is an excellent start to your new book. I will certainly be following along. It's all so sad, a classic of a marriage going horribly wrong due to his abuse and excessive drinking.
A few suggestions:
Their marriage hadn't always been like that. (Delete 'no it')
A few months of marriage = After a few months of marriage
She did what she's told = She did what she was told
A few weeks later(,) it happened again.
All best, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for such encouraging words, and for all your helpful suggestions. I greatly appreciate it. It's so nice to be back on fan story with all my friends.
Comment from papa55mike
It's amazing how that curse follows to the next generation. Please check these lines: please, "this has to be some, No quotation marks. After a few months of marriage ,Steven, back the comma up. This is a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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It's amazing how that curse follows to the next generation. Please check these lines: please, "this has to be some, No quotation marks. After a few months of marriage ,Steven, back the comma up. This is a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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It is sad how it continues, I agree. Thank you so much for reading my chapter and wonderful praise. Thank you for your suggestions. You have a great day too.
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed your first chapter and hope to be able to read more. This sounds like a horrible situation that no one should have to endure.Top many women stay in impossible situations. It sounds like she would have stayed but she got tossed out instead. Maybe going back isn't a good idea.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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I enjoyed your first chapter and hope to be able to read more. This sounds like a horrible situation that no one should have to endure.Top many women stay in impossible situations. It sounds like she would have stayed but she got tossed out instead. Maybe going back isn't a good idea.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Thank you for reading my chapter and for your wonderful praise. Too many unfortunately do stay, thinking they deserve it, can't do any better. Tess probably would've too. Legally speaking, going back isn't a great plan. Stay tuned and find out what she does. Thank you again for reading my chapter. It's so nice to be able to talk to you again.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, your prologue pulled me in right away! Tess's emotions felt so real. I could really feel the weight of her past pressing down on her. The stormy setting made everything even more intense. I love how you built up the tension! I was holding my breath wondering what she was about to do next. Her determination at the end gave me chills! This is such a powerful start - I can't wait to see where you take it. Keep going because this is gripping!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Wow, your prologue pulled me in right away! Tess's emotions felt so real. I could really feel the weight of her past pressing down on her. The stormy setting made everything even more intense. I love how you built up the tension! I was holding my breath wondering what she was about to do next. Her determination at the end gave me chills! This is such a powerful start - I can't wait to see where you take it. Keep going because this is gripping!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for all your wonderful praise. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. There will be another chapter soon.
