***So far: Miranda Jessup Buckley has been jilted, fired, and left to take care of her ex-lover's child.  Everywhere she turns life is giving her lemons.  There is only one thing to do.  Make the biggest pitcher of lemonade the world has ever seen.  Last night, her neighbor, Aaron Earl, let her in on a little known fact.  He isn't a shiftless bum.  Rather, he's fairly wealthy and then he asked for her help.  Confused, Miranda went home, and her reflection in the bathroom mirror gave her a good talking to.

 

 

 

 

For some reason I dreamed about Dougie last night.  I open my eyes when I hear Waylon in the kitchen.  He's looking for something to eat, I'll bet.  I never knew teenage boys can eat a week's worth of groceries in a couple of hours. 

 

Now, I lie here, running my hand over the empty spot where Dougie used to be.  Do I miss him?  I'll have to say yes.  I've already told you how I'm not great with red flags. (Mainly when it comes to men.) But now I'm seeing all the red flags that came with Dougie Wilcox.  The fact that in not one single conversation did he ever utter the words "we".  It was always,  "Wouldn't I look great in that car."  "I'd like to go to Costa Rica."  "Miranda, run to the store and grab some beer for me."

 

My eyes burn.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I can honestly say I wasn't in love with Dougie.  And I won't kid myself and assume he was in love with me.  But we had something.  Three years of something should count.  

 

Now, Aaron is acting all puppy love about me.  My eyes burn more.  You probably think I'm about to cry.  Wrong.  Miranda Jessup Buckley doesn't cry.  No, I don't cry, I just get saltier. 

 

 

 

                 *****************

 

 

Rita is once again in a state of panic when I get in to work.

 

"He's back," she whispers, nodding her head in the direction of the coolers.

 

I don't even have to look to see who she's talking about.  I already know.  It's Ed Preston, local pervert.  This guy is crazy as shit.  Been caught playing with his personal hackey sack in the ice cream shop, the produce section at the Piggly Wiggly and the local library.  He says inappropriate things to people he doesn't think will stand up for themselves.  Boy, did he pick the wrong store today.

 

"I got this, Rita." I look around for a pair of scissors, pluck them off the counter behind me and start my trek to the coolers.

 

"What are you gonna say to him?" 

 

I smile at her, like I'm getting ready to explain something to a child.  I hold up the scissors and make a little chop chop action with them.  "I'm not gonna say anything." I head down the aisle.

 

"Ed, can I help you?"

 

He looks over.  His pale milky looking eyes doing a slow stroll over my body.  No sir, Ed, not today. 

 

He has his hand in his pocket and he's either digging frantically for change or he's doing what he's known for.  And since I don't hear any coins jingling, I'm going with the other choice.

 

He smiles.  "Bet I know what you're thinking about."

 

"I'll bet you don't."

 

"Why don't you come closer and whisper in my ear, sweetie."

 

I step closer. "You sure you want to know?"

 

He nods his head, his hand in his pocket is still steadily working. 

 

"I was thinking about  Lorena Bobbit," I whisper, my mouth just a few inches from his ear.  It is at the precise moment when the look of understanding comes to his face that I poke his crotch with the tip of the scissors.  "Now, you will take your hand out of your pocket and you will get your creepy ass out of this store or you will be tomorrow's headline. Man loses penis while playing with himself in store."

 

Ed stumbles back, frantically trying to pull his hand out of his pocket.

 

"You're a crazy bitch," he says.  "You're crazy!"

 

I wink at him and hold up the scissors. "You have no idea, Ed, no idea."

 

He finally wrenches his hand free and bolts down the aisle and out the door.

 

I return to Rita.  "Told you I'd take care of it."

 

"What did you say?"

 

"I inferred.  Told him if he didn't leave the store now I was going to make him headline news."

 

"You know what, Miranda?  When I grow up, I wanna be just like you."

 

I look over at sweet, pretty Rita, then shake my head.  "No you don't." 

 

Pump three starts messing up about thirty minutes into my shift and I can't get it back on line.  I go bag it.  The buzzer keeps sounding every thirty seconds and it's giving me a headache.

 

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, in walks Missy Toblerone.

 

"Miranda, I thought you got fired.  I'm sure someone told me that," she says.

 

I look over to see Rita wincing guiltily.

 

"You got your job back, good for you.  What, have you got naughty pictures of your boss?"

 

"Can I help you, Missy?"

 

She purses her lips then tilts her head before speaking. "What happened to us?  We used to be best friends?"

 

"I don't like people who lie to me and about me."

 

"I never lied about you. I looked up to you.  You had that beautiful hair, you had guys drooling when you walked by.  You got caught with pot and you blamed me."

 

"It was your pot, Missy."

 

"How come you didn't tell anyone.  You could have avoided all that unfortunate mess."

 

"You could have stepped up. I wasn't a snitch."

 

"Well, I'm sorry.  Sorry you got suspended.  Sorry I was too shy to come forward."

 

"Whatever.  I've got work to do.  If you need anything, I'm sure Rita here will help you."

 

"Why don't we meet for a drink one night."

 

This woman is unbelievable.   If she thinks I'm that easy she's nuts.

 

"I'll pass.  Wouldn't want to end up in a wood chipper or something."

 

Missy smiles like a true serial killer.  "You should really watch what you say.  I like you, Miranda.  I really do.  You wouldn't want me to change my mind, now would you?"

 

I'm gonna be honest. I felt a shiver run down my back.

 

 

To be continued ...